


King and Lionheart

by theprodigypenguin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Amnesia, Astoria Greengrass Lives, Blood and Injury, Bodyguard, Childhood Friends, Coronation, Drastoria, First Love, Forced Heterosexuality, Friends to Lovers, Hinny, Kidnapping, M/M, Memory Loss, Mild Gore, Minor Violence, Non-Explicit Sex, Remadora, Romance, Royalty, Scorbus, consort, jeddy, king consort, lilyander, mentions of non explicit sexual content, remus and tonks are alive, royal au, royal military, runa? lolf? it's rolf and luna okay?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:21:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 56,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24029548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theprodigypenguin/pseuds/theprodigypenguin
Summary: Teddy’s knowledge of his past was limited. He knew his name and his position as the crown prince's guard, but he couldn't remember where he was born or his parents' identities.James is the eldest of three and heir to the throne. His future as king has been certain from the moment of his birth.Though they were different due to class and education, they had been friends since childhood. It was no surprise that their friendship developed in intensity through the years, turning into mutual admiration, and most importantly love.While they truly did love each other, there was still much to overcome. As crown prince, James was expected to choose a wife and have children in order to ensure the future of his country. It didn’t matter that he was in love with Teddy, because he had a responsibility to his people.On the other hand, though Teddy returned the prince's love, his feelings of inadequacy due to his amnesia and simple position in the military made it difficult to accept.Together they have to face individual demons, as well as outside forces that seem desperate to keep them apart. One wrong move and they could lose each other for good, before they’d even begun to enjoy being in love.
Relationships: Astoria Greengrass/Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Lily Luna Potter/Lysander Scamander, Luna Lovegood/Rolf Scamander, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Scorpius Malfoy/Albus Severus Potter, Teddy Lupin/James Sirius Potter
Comments: 61
Kudos: 83





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is the marriage of my two great loves, Jeddy and Royalty AU's, with a sprinkling of angst and bodyguard!Teddy on top.
> 
> Tags and characters will be updated as needed. Fic song inspired by bkhijk: King and Lionheart - Of Monsters and Men.
> 
> Each country is a Hogwarts house, and the country names are an unnecessary hybrid of the Hogwarts house name and the actual country name. Enjoy:
> 
> Gryffindor + England = Engryff  
> Hufflepuff + Wales = Waluff  
> Slytherin + Scotland = Scythan  
> Ravenclaw + Ireland = Ravire

Engryff was a dazzling country decorated in rolling hills, granite mountains, moors, meadows, woodlands, pastures, rivers and lakes. They were bordered by neighboring countries to the west and the north, with chilling oceans to the south and east.

The royal capital was the crown jewel of the land. Every building was constructed of stone and redwood, dated as old as the country itself, and the crown jewel of the capital was, of course, the castle.

It was an architectural wonder to behold. Towers and steeples that were silhouetted by the sky. The towers were positioned in such a way that when the sun hit it at daybreak, the light would reflect through stained glass windows and send a rainbow of colors streaking down the main street.

The castle was built with stone that appeared red tinted. There were buttresses decorated with lions and griffons. It was bold, loud and made the people feel safe, as the castle seemed to be looking over the surrounding city. Despite the walls that were built around the intricate castle grounds, it still felt welcoming, as the iron gates were almost always open.

Even the royal family would walk the streets, half of the time without guards following them. King Harold and Queen Ginevra, or Harry and Ginny as they insisted people call them, were the loves of their people’s lives. When they announced that they would be having a baby, the city roared with excitement.

They’d only just found out, but the people were already abuzz with the anticipation of an heir. Captain of the King’s Guard, Kingsley Shackelbolt, was already having to plan security for when the prince or princess was born, because the city wanted to throw an extravagant celebration in his or her honor.

That’s what he was doing as he walked the perimeter of the entire city, with the buildings to his left and the forest edge to his right. His second in command, Bill, walked at his left. They conversed about the future of the kingdom and how excited the people were. The last thing Kingsley expected to find on their rounds was a child, but there he was, appearing out of nowhere.

Kingsley stopped in his tracks when his eyes caught movement off to his right. After focusing his vision and his hearing, he saw the hint of a shirt disappear behind a tree, then reappear on the other side. It was a boy, shuffling around with a look of sad confusion on his face. There was blood on his face, and his arms were pulled in with his hands in front of his chest. He appeared as if he was holding something.

The soldier held his arm out to stop Bill, then put a finger to his own lips to keep the other man silent. Bill seemed confused as Kingsley unhooked the sword from his hip and handed it to him, then nodded towards the trees. When he moved, he did it slowly, attempting to look as unthreatening as he could. He stopped beside a tree before leaning sideways, lowering himself to the ground.

He snapped a twig on purpose to get the boy’s attention, holding his hand up when his head jerked to the side to look at Kingsley with frightened eyes.

They were a curious coloring that reminded him of peacock feathers, a brilliant blend of blue, green, even violet. His hair was a delicate shade of light brown, and it was a tangled, matted mess. As close as he was, Kingsley was able to deduce the blood was coming from a gash split across the edge of his right eyebrow, deep into his temple. The red was streaking down his face and neck, staining the collar of his threadbare shirt and dried black and flaky.

“You don’t have to be afraid,” Kingsley said gently. “I won’t hurt you. Can you understand me?”

The boy had tucked himself halfway behind a tree, looking out at Kingsley warily. He gave a slow nod in response to his question, but stayed behind the tree. Kingsley got down on both knees, keeping himself close to the boy’s height.

“You can call me Kingsley. I’m a guard from the castle.” He lifted a hand to motion to the medallion situated below his left collar bone, securing the wine red cloak around his shoulders. “Would you like to see it?”

The boy seemed curious, shuffling on his feet and inching away from the tree to wander closer. He leaned forward to see the medallion, but didn’t try to touch it. He kept his hands against his chest, meeting Kingsley’s eyes. It gave him a shock to see the boy’s eyes up close. They were beautiful, but there was something missing in them. The poor boy looked confused and scared, and something occurred to Kingsley that he was almost afraid to inquire.

“Can you tell me your name?”

The boy looked thoughtful, bowing his head to stare blankly at the forest floor before quickly lifting it as if he’d remembered something important.

“Teddy.”

Kingsley nodded his head. “It’s nice to meet you, Teddy.” He held his hand out, and Teddy stared at it before looking down at his own hand. He tentatively reached out so he could shake Kingsley’s hand. “Do you know where you are?”

Teddy’s face became empty and lost. “Outside?”

Kingsley took a breath and gave another nod. “How about the country?” Now Teddy looked scared, so Kingsley reached out his other hand to rub his arm. “That’s alright.” He waited for Teddy to relax before speaking again. “You look like a special kid. Now I don’t normally let people do this, but would you like to go take a look at the castle?” Kingsley leaned closer, whispering. “Just don’t tell anyone. They might get jealous.”

Something lit up in Teddy’s eyes. He looked excited, leaning towards Kingsley to match his whisper. “Am I allowed to?”

“Well, I think I can make an exception,” Kingsley said, arching an eyebrow. “If anyone asks, it was your idea.”

Teddy giggled, and Kingsley smiled. He kept a hand around Teddy’s as he stood up, intending to lead him into the city. When Teddy took a step forward, he staggered, and the color in his face bled out. Kingsley caught him before he could fall, slipping his hands under his arms and picking him up to prop Teddy against his hip. The boy was almost too big to carry, but Teddy melted against his side. He plopped his head against Kingsley’s shoulder.

“Do you know how old you are?” Kingsley asked, and Teddy made a sleepy sound.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s alright. I wish I didn’t know how old I was.”

“How old are you?” Teddy asked.

“Forty-three.”

“That’s old,” Teddy giggled, and Kingsley smiled.

Teddy clung onto Kingsley when they joined Bill, who’d been waiting patiently for them. He seemed wary of another stranger, so Kingsley rubbed a hand up and down his little back.

“This is my second in command, Bill. He’s a royal guard like me.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Bill greeted, and Teddy turned his head away, hiding his face against Kingsley.

“We’ll bring him to Poppy,” Kingsley said. “His head needs to be checked.”

“I’ll carry your sword.”

Poppy Pomfrey was the castle physician. She certainly looked unhappy when Kingsley and Bill brought Teddy in. Partly because it was late and they’d missed supper, partly because they’d brought in a strange child who was bleeding from the head.

When Kingsley tried to leave the room to inform Harry of what had happened, Teddy began to panic. In the end he had to take a seat beside the bed. Bill left to tell Harry what was happening. Kingsley stayed with Teddy as Poppy treated him and gave him a full checkup.

“He seems to be around five or six years old,” Poppy was saying as she secured a plaster over the wound in Teddy’s head. “He was hit very hard, and it seems he’s lost some of his memory.”

“I’m Teddy,” the boy helped, and Poppy gave him a maternal smile, patting his cheek.

“And it’s a wonderful name, dear.”

“I’ve never seen him around the city,” Kingsley murmured to her, then leaned close to Teddy. “Do you live in town?”

Teddy stared at him before furrowing his brow, looking distressed. “I don’t know.”

“We can’t just send him off,” Poppy said. “Especially with his head like this.”

“I’ll look after him,” Kingsley offered. “My quarters are big enough.”

“That’s good of you, Captain,” Poppy praised, a hand settling on Kingsley’s shoulder. “Teddy, dear, you’re going to be staying with Kingsley for now. Is that alright?”

“Can I?” Teddy asked. He looked at Kingsley for clarification, and the captain nodded.

Kingsley had a small cottage to himself located out in the courtyard. There was a bedroom, a living area, and a small restroom. He set up a cot in the bedroom, taking that for himself and letting Teddy sleep on the bed.

For the next few weeks, Kingsley had a shadow.

Teddy became frantic when the man was out of sight, and the first time Kingsley tried to leave him with Poppy, he started to cry. In the end he allowed the boy to follow him around as he worked.

Kingsley searched, and asked Bill to search, but no one seemed to know who Teddy was or where he’d come from. The child had simply appeared out of nowhere, settling himself into Kingsley’s routine comfortably. The Captain had never expected to end up raising a child—he wasn’t even married—but he was quickly getting used to Teddy being around.

He was a wonderful boy. Polite, brilliant, and generous. When Kingsley was around, Teddy was bolder. He talked to people more, and Kingsley was able to see him bloom. He enjoyed watching the soldiers train, sitting on a bench off to the side with a dreamy sort of expression. At the same time, Teddy seemed to thrive off books and written texts. The first time Ginny handed him a book from her collection, Kingsley saw his eyes light up in delight.

Teddy could read and write incredibly well, and he read books faster than Bill’s scholarly younger brother, Percy. He was either sitting outside with the soldiers or hiding in the enormous castle library. In fact the only time Kingsley could leave him alone was when he was in the library.

He wasn’t surprised that Teddy was still wary. His head wound had been deep, and left a scar that broke through his eyebrow where no hair would grow back. Over the months of sharing a room, Kingsley had been startled awake by Teddy’s whimpering multiple times. He could never remember the nightmares when he woke up, and very little of his memory returned during that time either.

One thing Teddy did remember was a lullaby, which he hummed to himself at random points during the day. It was a somber tune that seemed to relax him when he was anxious. Kingsley had gotten used to hearing it.

He worked on keeping Teddy busy, because having things to do that were productive was good for Teddy’s mind. He read a lot, books were stacked on and under his bed. Kingsley brought him a leather bound journal, where he wrote entries and drew pictures of what happened in his day to day life. It was good, because Teddy was constantly scared of forgetting again.

Bill and Harry both had to work on Kingsley for him to allow it, but after a few months the Captain gave Teddy a practice sword and brought him into the training area behind the castle. It was immediately apparent that Teddy had a talent for swordplay. Even when the only thing he was doing was studying positions and working out to strengthen his muscles in anticipation of handling a real sword. It was astounding.

Teddy was a mystery. Intelligent, kind, talented, and no one had any idea who he was or where he’d come from. At the end of six months, though, Kingsley didn’t care where he’d come from. Teddy belonged there. When Kingsley first let him hold a real sword, made specially for him so it fit his height, Teddy practically glowed. He kept it strapped to his side at all times, just like Kingsley, and was very proud of it.

Teddy wasn’t aware why everyone was so excited when the prince was born. He showed no interest in joining the celebration as he remained in the arena practicing his positions. Kingsley stayed with him, as he wasn’t very interested in the celebration either. He didn’t mind letting the soldiers go out on the town for the night, but he stayed at the castle, training Teddy and keeping his ears open in case his king or queen needed him.

The couple came out near dusk when the sun was starting to set. Ginny carried a bundle of blankets in her arms, and when Teddy noticed it his curiosity peaked. He stared at the wiggling bundle as Harry and Kingsley exchanged a few words. When Ginny noticed, she smiled and crouched down.

“Come meet him, then,” she coaxed. Teddy tensed up before shuffling closer.

Kingsley did as well, his arms folded as he leaned over Teddy to look down at the tiny infant in Ginny’s arms.

The little prince immediately found Teddy's face with the biggest, brightest brown eyes Kingsley had ever seen. His skin was still a bit red, and a splash of freckles spilled across his cheeks and nose, as if someone had dipped a paintbrush in brown paint before splattering it across the baby's face. There was already a bit of fluffy, slightly curled hair on top of his head, a sharp blend of copper brown.

He had one hand in his mouth, gurgling around his fist as his lips formed into a smile. Teddy seemed fascinated, not thinking as he timidly reached out a hand. Kingsley went to stop him, but Harry shook his head, offering him a reassuring smile. The prince reacted to Teddy, lifting up one of his own tiny hands so he could touch Teddy’s fingers. He held on with an unexpectedly firm grip as he smiled even more, a dimple dipping into his cheek.

Teddy melted, his eyes growing warm and tender as his head tilted. He shook the prince’s tiny hand. “What’s his name?”

“This is James.”

“James,” Teddy repeated, setting down his sword so he could feel the downy hair on top of the infant's head, giggling. “He’s really tiny and cute.”

Ginny smiled warmly and looked up at Harry, who was beaming. They seemed even more delighted when Teddy introduced himself to James. Maybe he didn’t realize James couldn’t understand him, but Kingsley got the feeling he didn’t care at all if James could understand or not. His heart was stolen by the little prince. Since meeting him, Kingsley watched Teddy grow.

He was bolder and didn’t mind when Kingsley left him alone. He excelled in his training as well as his studies, and when he had free time he went straight into the castle to ask if he could see James. Ginny and Harry, bless them, never turned Teddy away. They encouraged him to come by as much as he wanted, and the smile he made when Ginny let him hold James was heart jerking.

Kingsley didn’t know it until later, but Harry was considering Teddy as an option for James’ personal guard. Being royalty, and the crown prince, the heir to the throne, James needed his own guard detail. Teddy was a prodigy in every area he trained in. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that Teddy would be the best, perhaps the only choice for James’ guard.

Kingsley did worry. Teddy had been through so much. He craved security, and it was clear that he was growing very attached to the prince. He was happy that the boy was finding things to live for. Kingsley wanted to see him happy, and if putting his heart and soul into training to protect James made Teddy happy, then Kingsley would support it.

He just hoped that the future would be kinder to Teddy than his unknown past had been.


	2. The Crown Prince's Guard

**—20 Years Later—**

* * *

His earliest memories were of a song and a name.

He couldn’t recall the voices or the faces of his parents, but he did remember the lullaby they would sing to him at night, and the name they would address him by.

_“Shall we sing your song, Teddy my love?”_

If Teddy closed his eyes and concentrated, he could almost remember the feeling of a tender hand going through his hair, or the sensation of being embraced by large, warm arms. Sometimes he would even dream about them. Teddy would look up and see a man so tall that he couldn’t make out his features. All he would see was his hand, rough, badly scarred and larger than life, but holding his smaller hand delicately. There was a single ring on the man's left hand, and if Teddy squinted then he could almost make out what was stamped against the signet.

Although Teddy couldn’t remember much, as the years went by and he got older, he still remembered that they loved him. He worried over the mystery of not knowing who he was, where he came from, or what his parents' fates were, but he tried not to overthink it.

He had a life in Engryff that he loved, and he wouldn’t give it up for anything. Kingsley had been like a father to him from the day they met, giving him a safe home and direction in life. Under his careful tutelage, Teddy spent the next twenty years training as a soldier for the royal military.

Where half the soldiers lived outside the walls of the castle grounds, Teddy was part of the royal guard, therefore had his own quarters within the castle. He lived with Kingsley in his cottage until he turned seventeen, when Harry decided to give him his own room. It was located on the first floor of the castle, towards the back where the other members of the royal guard lived. Having a room to go to at the end of the day where he could be alone was something Teddy was constantly grateful for. Not that he didn't enjoy sharing a home with Kingsley. Living on his own, even if it was in a small bedroom, just felt like a proper evolution to Teddy's growth. The fact he could be on his own at all was remarkable considering how he'd started out. Terrified of Kingsley being out of sight.

The bedroom in the castle wasn’t elegant, quite small compared to his foster father's cottage, but it was his. There was a bed, a desk with a chair, and shelves lining each wall. Books were tucked onto those shelves, stacked on the floors and spilling over the floorboards. While his personal library wasn’t nearly as impressive as the royal library, Teddy was proud of it. He kept his favorite books in his bedroom to satisfy his hobby of reading just about anything he can get his hands on. All the old texts made the room smell like paper and ink, a scent that Teddy quite enjoyed.

Beside his desk was a handmade basket purchased from a local artisan. Teddy used it to store a collection of rolled up maps and charts. As a soldier it was expected of him to understand the geography of Engryff, as well as the countries that bordered them. He studied the maps when he had time, and was known to be an excellent navigator and tracker. Teddy also had charts of the constellations. Partly to ensure he knew how to navigate at night, but mostly because stars fascinated him.

Sitting on his desk was a lantern, a well of ink, a writing quill, and a leather bound journal. Teddy had gone through dozens of journals over the past twenty years. They were filled with writing and sketches: memories that he was scared of forgetting. Like the memory tied to the silver coin he kept beside his journal. Teddy couldn’t remember that one, but he still somehow knew that it was important.

Teddy didn’t know if the little disk was currency or not. It wasn’t like any coins they had in Engryff. It was just slightly larger than their biggest coin and a fraction thicker. There was a strange animal stamped on one side that looked like a badger, but Teddy couldn’t be certain. Teddy used to carry it around almost constantly, rubbing it when he was scared or anxious. That was why the images had gotten so worn down. Even the silver coloring was dull. Teddy couldn’t remember what it used to look like, and had no idea where he’d gotten it. Bill mentioned before that Teddy had been clinging to it when he and Kingsley found him, but neither he nor Kingsley knew what it was. So Teddy had pushed the question to the back of his mind.

There was a lot of mystery surrounding him, but one thing that always stayed constant was his position at the castle.

Teddy was first and foremost the Captain of the Crown Prince’s personal guard detail. It was a position he’d been given by the king and queen themselves when Teddy had turned fifteen and was given his first real sword. Teddy was the youngest officer of the royal military that Engryff had ever seen. It was a testament to his skill and natural born talent as a soldier and a leader. Of course it helped that he got along famously with James. When it was revealed that Teddy would be his personal guard, James, who had been nine at the time, had gone giddy in delight.

In his eyes, Teddy was his best friend. They’d known each other since James’ birth, and had been close companions growing up. They would play together—some of the only times Teddy actually acted like a kid—but the more Teddy trained, the less they played together. When he was appointed a royal guard, he stopped completely.

He still spent an enormous amount of time with James, but as his guard and protector rather than his friend. In the beginning it made James sad, but the prince was nothing if not resilient and adaptable. They were still close friends, and while they weren’t attached at the hip like they used to be, Teddy knew he could confide in the younger man if something was bothering him. James knew it as well, and he took advantage of that trust to the full extent.

The crown prince told Teddy absolutely everything. James was more restrained around other people, because he was brought up to be, but he let himself relax around Teddy. Teddy imagined that if any of the royal council were to see James acting so inappropriately, especially with a soldier, then they would have a fit. Every time he brought that up to James, however, the prince just laughed.

The young man was nearly impossible to control or predict, and got into constant trouble. Teddy was used to it by now. He didn’t even bother to look up from his writing when he heard the tapping at his window. He already knew who it was. The window behind him cracked open before Teddy could turn in his chair, propping an elbow against the back of his seat and watching the prince clamber into his bedroom. James had stacked crates outside Teddy’s window ages ago so he could easily sneak into his bedroom. Yet another thing the council would reprimand him for, no doubt. It was scandalous for a simple soldier to be alone with the crown prince in his meager sleeping quarters.

“Good, you’re awake!” James greeted Teddy as he dropped into the bedroom, standing straighter and smoothing the wrinkles out of his red shirt.

“You expect me to believe that you would have gone on your merry way if I’d been sleeping?” Teddy asked, watching James stride over and throw himself onto Teddy’s bed.

“I would _never_ expect that of you,” he assured with a grin, folding his arms behind his head and making himself comfortable.

Teddy snorted and turned back to his journal, periodically letting his eyes go to James as if wanting to make sure he was still there. He was, and he looked right at home lying against Teddy’s pillows. At one point James picked up the book Teddy had left there, opening it to a random point and starting to read. Teddy smiled to himself at how peaceful it was; to simply exist with James.

The prince would be twenty in a little over a week, and while that was still young, he was a brilliant man. His parents and tutors had raised him up to be an elegant and poised royal. He was educated and knowledgeable in every subject he studied, and could give some of their best soldiers a run for their money with his own capable swordplay. James was everything a prince should be. He loved his people and his country, and he showed that love every chance he got.

He looked the part of a prince as well as acted it. He was dazzling, with eyes like amber and hair like copper, freckles decorating his face and sporting a smile that could break hearts. If Teddy didn’t already know him, he would automatically assume James was royalty just by looking at him. He had that charming presence a crown prince should've had, though he didn’t yet have the firm elegance of a king. Teddy was confident, though. There was no doubt in his mind that James would excel as a ruler and garner respect through his firmness as well as his kindness.

“I’m surprised you’re up so early,” Teddy noted, finishing a passage in his journal before closing it. “Have you eaten?”

“Not yet,” James answered, turning a page in the book. “I, uh… went to breakfast, but I wasn’t hungry.” He shut the book with a snap. “So! I decided to come visit you instead.”

Teddy frowned at the dismissive way James had responded to the question. Maybe it was because they’d known each other for so long, but Teddy could tell immediately something was bothering him.

“What happened?” He asked, watching James drop the book onto the bed.

The prince stared at the ceiling for a moment, twisting a gold ring around his right index. “Dad said the council needed to talk to me about something later today.”

“Oh,” Teddy sat back in his chair. “Did he hint as to what they wanted?”

James shook his head, hands folded over his stomach. “Didn’t say a thing.”

Teddy could understand why James was nervous. The royal council, put simply, was a group of men and women who ran the country and dealt with the complicated matters of state. While Harry was a figurehead and helped to approve laws and boost morale of their citizens, he was by no means a one man show. Running a country took a lot of work, and he needed help sometimes.

Teddy was familiar with who was on the council. Since he was Captain of the prince’s guards, he had to sit in on most of the meetings, and knew many of the members personally. Most of them were decent people, but a few of them were only there because there was no one else to take their place. If they were calling for a meeting because they needed to discuss something with their crown prince, then it was most definitely something important. Harry not giving any hints as to what the topic might be was certainly something worth getting anxious about. Even so, Teddy wasn’t too worried.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” he said, but James didn’t look convinced by the reassurance.

“I actually wasn’t supposed to tell you yet,” James said, the corner of his mouth tilting up. “I don’t know why it’s such a big deal if I do.” His own amusement faded with his smile, and he shut his eyes. “Bloody hell, it’s the one thing I’m not looking forward to as king. All the meetings. They always find something to complain about.” He held his hands up and started ticking off his multitude of complaints from the council. “I’m not regal enough. I talk too much. I’m too friendly with the people in town. I act inappropriately around you and the rest of the soldiers. I don’t act enough like a prince for their liking.” He dropped his hands. “It’s usually better when you’re there.”

Teddy leaned towards James, offering him a smile. “Why? So you can whisper jokes and make fun of the council members until we _both_ get in trouble?”

“It’s more fun when we’re together, isn’t it?” James asked, looking at Teddy with a brilliant smile.

“Can’t even imagine the alternative,” Teddy said. It seemed to be the right response, because James laughed. “It’ll be alright, Jamie.” Teddy reached out to put a comforting hand on his arm. “It can’t be worse than the time you were reprimanded for leaving the castle half naked.”

“Yeah I still don’t get that.” James tugged at the front of his shirt. “I see the guards walking around half naked all the time when it’s hot. Why can’t I?”

“It’s inappropriate for a prince to show himself like that.”

“That’s _so_ stupid,” James groaned, and Teddy snorted.

“Maybe that’s why some of your shirts are so thin and silky. To make up for not being able to go without in the summer.”

“It doesn’t help,” James said, and Teddy squeezed his arm.

“My point is I’ll be right there with you, whatever happens.”

“I just don’t like that I’m being kept in the dark. I know I’m not the king yet, but shouldn’t I know these things?” James sat up, pulling his knees to his chest and folding his arms over them. “I’ll be twenty soon; that's coronation age. If they want me to be responsible and take charge, then they need to trust me with information. Especially if it’s information regarding me.”

“Well, I can understand that. It doesn’t seem fair that they should be talking about you behind your back. I suppose that’ll be rectified this evening during the meeting.”

“I guess,” James sighed, “but I don’t want to wait that long.”

“Maybe we can take your mind off your anxiety,” Teddy offered. “How about we go for a ride?” James’ eyes immediately lit up, and Teddy stood from his seat. “We’ll get a picnic and ride out to the lake. We can stay there for the day and be back in time for dinner.”

“Yes!” James hopped up, grabbing Teddy by the arm. “Let’s do that!”

“Easy, your majesty. Let me get my armor on.”

James snarled, punching Teddy in the shoulder. “Don’t _call_ me that.” He pouted, his frown getting heavier as Teddy started to secure pieces of his armor on. “Do you have to wear that all the time?”

“If we’re going out then yes,” Teddy lifted his arms when James reached up to help tighten the straps of the armor on his chest and back. “In case we run into trouble.”

“We never run into trouble,” James argued. “You worry too much.”

“It’s my job to worry,” Teddy reminded as he picked up his black cloak, pulling it around his shoulders. He secured it at his left shoulder with a gold medallion that the entire royal guard wore. His name was carved into the back of it, while the royal emblem was stamped on the front.

“You need to get a different job.”

“I like my job,” Teddy defended with a smile. “Let’s get going.”

The royal council wasn’t fond of James leaving the castle grounds, but Harry didn’t mind so long as Teddy went with him. On the days when James didn’t have lessons he would normally hunt Teddy down so they could leave the gates together. Teddy knew that it would be good for James to get out and not have to worry about being a prince for the day.

The servants in the kitchen already had food prepared, and were happy to put a few things together for a picnic when Teddy asked. James eagerly opted to carry it, and the duo made their way to the stables where their horses were waiting.

Teddy’s black mare reared her head in delight when she recognized him, cantering up to the stall door in anticipation for a ride. They headed for the gates after saddling up, leading their horses by the reins through the market that ran from the end of town to the castle gates. Teddy stayed close to James as he walked ahead to greet the townsfolk.

James loved going through the market, talking to the merchants there and making friends with everyone. It wasn’t difficult. The people loved him, and it was always a wonder to see it. To watch James embrace his people or steal a ball from a trio of kids and throw it for them to catch. James aspired to be their friend before anything else, because it made them more excited about his future as their king.

There was a lake that the prince liked to go to, located in the forest a mile to the north of town. Usually James and Teddy would sit and simply watch the ducks, or push out the boat they kept on the shore to get further out on the water. It was quiet, peaceful, and nobody interrupted them there.

Teddy stayed beside the horses when they reached the lake, rubbing a hand over his mare’s face and periodically looking over to ensure the prince was alright. James was walking along the edge of the water, following a mother duck and her ducklings while tossing them bits of bread to coax them closer. Teddy smiled as James crouched down to catch one of the ducklings before it could waddle away, cooing to it and cradling it to his chest.

“She finally let me pick her up,” James said cheerfully as he stood up, turning to Teddy. “Cute little thing.”

“Well done,” Teddy chuckled, watching as James let the duckling nibble at his fingers.

They sat together as they enjoyed what food the chefs had prepared. James crumbled bread and biscuits that he fed to the ducks sitting near them. As the day went on, James’ spirits seemed to lift. He was still anxious about his meeting, but that was unavoidable. James knew how to hold himself in front of the council, and knew how to keep calm in most situations, so whatever they wanted to talk about, it didn’t matter. James would do absolutely fine.

By the time they returned to the castle, James was in a much better mood. They did spend a little extra time with their horses, brushing them down, bringing them fresh hay, and ensuring their troughs were full with fresh water. The stables were one of the few places that James and Teddy could spend time together without being bothered. Where James could simply be himself.

Teddy for one found it therapeutic to spend time with the horses, and was bonded deeply with his mare. She was a stunning black with white on her forehead shaped like a crescent moon, which played into her name: Cress. Teddy had received her as a gift from Kingsley when she was just a foal. He was brushing her down as James sat perched on a nearby stall door.

“You know what you should do next time we go to the lake?” He asked, reaching out to stick pieces of hay in Teddy’s hair. “Train me.”

“Fighting?” Teddy questioned. “You know I’m not allowed to do that. Kingsley and your father are the ones qualified to train you. I’d be flayed alive if you got hurt.”

“Lily and Albus get to train with the soldiers,” James complained.

“Lily and Albus aren’t the crown prince.”

James threw his handful of hay at him. “Yeah, well, I’m willing to trade with them anytime if it means I get to have a bit more freedom.”

Teddy sighed, contemplating for a moment before looking at James. “Okay, how about this? I’ll show you a few formations and warm ups, but we aren’t using real swords. We’ll find some branches or sticks to use instead.”

“Do I look five to you?” James asked.

Teddy faced him, propping an arm against Cress and leaning against her. “If I was anyone else, you wouldn’t even be getting this much.”

James sighed, dropping his head. “Okay, fine, you have a point.”

“You’ve been studying with Kingsley and the king for years. You know basic self defense, and that’s all you’re required to learn.” Teddy led Cress to her stall. “You don’t have to join your own military.”

“That’s what Lily’s doing,” James argued. “She and Al get to do things and I’m stuck here for my own,” he lifted his hands and curled his fingers into quotations, _“protection.”_

“Kings aren’t required to sacrifice themselves in battle,” Teddy chided, and James scoffed.

“They used to be.”

Teddy reached over to take James’ hand, squeezing his fingers. “That was a long time ago. We’re not at war right now.”

“Well maybe I should know how to fight in case we end up in another one.”

“Hey,” Teddy turned to James after locking the stall door. “Being a martyr doesn’t make you a good king. There’s so much more to it than just that. You can help your people better by living for them.”

“I’d like to defend them, too,” James said, “but... you’re right. I guess.”

“My Prince.”

Teddy jerked his hand away and turned to Cress, reaching up to stroke her forehead. Colin, one of Harry’s personal guards, had entered the stable. He was standing at the door, hands folded behind his back. He stared at Teddy before flicking his gaze to James, who hopped off the stall door.

“Have I been summoned?”

“Yes, sir. The council is awaiting your arrival.”

“Thank you. We’ll be right there.”

The guard bowed, then gave Teddy another look before leaving.

“We should get going,” Teddy said, watching after the guard before smiling at James. “Ready?”

James sighed, folding his arms. “Yeah. Let’s get this over with.”


	3. The Royal Council

There were six members of the council. Most of them were delightful people that James had known since birth.

Hermione Granger was the current Ambassador of Engryff. She was also one of Harry's closest friends from childhood and had personally fought in the war. She had married into the family, and was James' aunt as well as his chosen godmother.

His uncle, Charlie Weasley, was also on the council. He trained the military horses and took care of the local wildlife. Some people didn't understand why the council needed a Game Warden, but his expertise had come in handy dozens of times.

The rest of the council weren’t related to him by blood or marriage, but they were certainly close enough for James to consider them as family.

Kingsley Shackelbolt was Captain of the king's guard as well as the General of their military. Like most of the council, he'd fought in the war, and was praised as one of the best fighters Engryff had ever produced.

Poppy Pomfrey, was the Head of Medicine and castle physician. She'd been the one to deliver James, as well as his siblings. Poppy was a gentle lady to be sure, but James knew better than to cross her.

Meanwhile Poppy's wife, Minerva, was the Head of Academics. She was also James, Albus, and Lily's personal tutor, so James knew her well.

The final member of the council was Cormac McLaggen, who Captained the local police force. His work was predominately in town, though he still trained with the castle military and was considered a soldier. Cormac was probably James’ least favorite on the council. He had an arrogant flair about him, an over inflated ego that made James uncomfortable. Being appointed to the capital city police force made him feel far too entitled, and he’d been eyeing the higher positions for years. He'd even expressed interest in Teddy's position before, which made James feel more uneasy.

He already knew he was supposed to have at least ten soldiers in his personal guard, but he did _not_ want Cormac to be part of it. He certainly didn’t want him to take over Teddy’s position.

James didn’t look in Cormac’s direction as he stepped into the council room. Teddy followed closely at his heels and remained standing as he took post behind the high backed seat designated as the prince’s. James caught sight of his uncle Bill standing between Kingsley and Charlie. His hands were folded behind his back, and the handle of his sword stuck out from under his cloak.

His presence, and Teddy's, made James feel a bit better, but he stayed anxious until Harry entered the room. James' suspicion was put to rest when the council revealed the meeting was to plan his upcoming coronation. After that was explained, James was unhappy for an entirely new reason. Generally speaking he wouldn’t take over as king until his father either stepped down, died, or became too sick to rule. James’ coronation at twenty was strictly tradition in their country. All it really meant was more responsibility and a royal headpiece he would be expected to wear in political situations.

“We've sent out invitations to the royal families of Scythan, Waluff, and Ravire, as well as a number of nobles from each country,” Hermione was flipping through a stack of parchment as she talked.

“How many eligible women are coming?” Harry asked.

Hermione lifted one of the pieces of parchment to read over before answering. “Thirty-seven.”

“What countries?”

“All of them.”

“Excuse me.” James lifted a hand. “What does it matter how many women will be there?”

“It’s tradition,” Cormac said.

James exhaled through his nose before looking at the soldier. “What do you mean by tradition?”

“When the crown prince comes of age, he's expected to choose a queen,” McGonagall explained, hands folded on the table in front of her.

James’ head spun, hands gripping the arms of his seat as he stared blankly at her. “I’m sorry?”

“Let’s face it, you’re not getting any younger,” Cormac joked, as if that would make the situation better.

James shook his head before looking at Harry with wide eyes. “Da— your majesty, I— this is a joke, isn’t it?”

Harry gave James a sympathetic look. “It’s not a joke. It’s been a tradition since the country's founding, and tradition is important.”

“Okay that’s nice, but I still don’t understand.”

“The point of hosting a ball and inviting nobles from Engryff and our allied countries is not just to celebrate your coronation,” Harry explained. “It’s also to introduce you to potential women of good birth who would make a decent queen.”

“Why is that important?” James asked. His heart was racing and he was starting to feel wildly out of control.

“It’s important because you have a duty to this country,” Harry said. “As king you’re not just expected to rule fairly, you’re also expected to marry and produce heirs.”

James’ stomach lurched and he ducked his head to stare at his lap. He felt nauseous. This wasn’t the first time they’d talked about his coronation, but they’d never discussed James needing to choose a wife during the dance. He couldn’t believe this.

“No. I don’t—”

“We have more than thirty noble families coming to the coronation,” Harry interrupted. “They’re going to be expecting the same thing as us. They’re going to expect you to choose one of their girl’s to court.”

“What if I don’t want to court a girl?” James asked Harry. “I don’t know any of these women. You expect me to marry a complete stranger?”

“I expect you to marry someone who can give you children. As king you _need_ to have an heir.”

“Well I’m not king yet, am I?” James demanded.

Harry looked irritated. “I don’t understand why you’re arguing with me. We can’t break tradition.”

“Why not? You’re the king, just change the law.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?!”

“Because you are responsible for this country! When you take over as king it will fall to you to manage good relations with our allies. That means there is a certain image you need to maintain.”

“But I don’t want to get married yet,” James insisted.

Harry scoffed. “You should be happy the law is flexible enough to let you choose your queen.”

“This is ridiculous!” James looked around the table, searching for support.

Charlie and Bill both looked sympathetic, but the others in the council were either looking away uncomfortably or, in Cormac’s case, sneering.

“You have a duty, James,” Harry said. James rubbed his hands over his face. “Engryff needs an heir, which means you need to choose a wife.”

“Why?” James asked, and Harry tensed up. James quickly continued. “If you’re expecting me to get married, if it’s my duty, then why can’t I just, I don’t know, marry a man? Why can’t I do that?”

“Don’t be stupid, James. You need an heir, you need to have children, and you can’t have children with another man.”

“You expect me to have kids at twenty?”

“I expect you to ensure a secure future for your country!”

“I don’t want to get married!”

“You don’t have a choice!” Harry slammed his fist on the table, pointing at James. “I am sick of you arguing about this! I am sick of your selfishness! You have a responsibility to this country that you are going to fulfill! If you don’t choose a wife on your own, then the council will choose one for you!”

James stood up, shoving his seat back and spinning away from the table. Harry yelled after him, but it didn't stop James from storming out of the room. The rapid steps following alerted him that Teddy was close at his heels.

“James.” A hand reached out to grasp his upper arm before he could get too far.

James stopped and turned to stare at Teddy. The soldier looked pained, but somehow all James felt was betrayed and heartbroken. “Did you know about this?” He asked in a shaky voice.

Teddy’s eyes widened in surprise at the question. He shook his head. “No, James, I had no idea. I promise you.”

James looked away as angry tears filled his eyes. “I don’t want to get married.”

Teddy’s expression softened. “Is it just that?” He asked in a knowing voice.

James furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

“Do you not want to get married?” Teddy smiled weakly. “Or is it that you just don’t want to marry a woman?”

James’ face heated considerably in a blush. Having relations with another man wasn’t frowned upon in their society. It was actually very common, like in Minerva and Poppy's case. His uncle Percy's second marriage was to another man, and his cousin Roxanne was first and foremost interested in women. There were dozens of same sex couples in town, and some of them even took care of orphaned children; but James didn’t have the same freedom to pursue that kind of relationship. It was like Harry said; he had a responsibility to his country.

James pulled his arm from Teddy’s grasp. “I don’t want to talk about this,” he said, flustered.

Teddy winced in apology. “I shouldn’t push you. I’m sorry.”

James held his hands in front of his stomach, nervously twisting the gold ring around his finger as he stared at the marble floor under his shoes. “Not in the hall,” He clarified in a soft voice. “I don’t want someone to hear me.”

Teddy nodded slowly. “Later then?”

James turned his back. “I’ll… I’ll find you later.”

“What are you going to be doing in the meantime?”

“I want to be alone.” James lifted a hand to rub his cheek. “I need to think.”

“Let me walk you to your room at least.”

“Alone, Ted,” James repeated, turning to give Teddy a sharp look. “I want to be alone.”

Teddy appeared hesitant to obey. He looked ashamed and guilty, but eventually bowed to James with a nod. “I understand. If you need me for anything you know where I’ll be. I’m always available.” He reached out to take James’ hand, bringing it up to kiss his knuckles and smile gently at him. “My prince.”

James stared at Teddy, sliding his hand away and starting down the hall towards his bedroom. He held his hand against his chest, trembling. James didn’t know what to think anymore. His heart was going a mile a minute and his face was hot. At the same time he was filled with too much anger and frustration to properly respond. He couldn’t be near Teddy. He needed to be alone before he did something he would regret.

He stopped halfway to his bedroom when he recognized his brother walking towards him. The younger prince had his head down, carrying an open book in his arms. Despite how he was reading, he had a perpetual look of boredom painting his features.

“Albus,” James greeted, waiting for his brother to look up before forcing a smile. “Studying?”

“If mum and dad want me to travel as an Ambassador, then yes. Studying.”

“Where’s Lily?”

“Training outside with Kingsley’s men.”

“Lucky her,” James mumbled.

While he was learning his father's trade to eventually take over as king, his siblings were working towards other positions within the country. Lily was training as a soldier in the royal military, and was one of the best fighters they had. Meanwhile Albus was studying to take over as an Ambassador like their aunt. His work would be to travel between Engryff and their allied countries for political purposes.

It made James happy to know his parents were so open about letting their precious princess and prince pursue their interests, rather than keep them locked up inside the walls. Albus and Lily were intelligent and ambitious, James was confident their talents would be best utilized outside the castle.

Lily was good in a fight and good under pressure, a born leader who excelled in battle both hands on and strategy tactics. Albus on the other hand was unexpectedly talented with politics. Albus wasn’t the most social person, but then again you didn’t have to be good with people to be an Ambassador. You just needed a clear head, an understanding of each country you visited, and a willingness to travel and learn as much as you could.

James wanted them to be in his personal council once he’d taken over the throne. Albus would be an excellent Ambassador of internal and external politics and affairs, and Lily could take over as the next General of the military after Kingsley retired.

“Are you looking forward to your coronation?” Albus asked, shutting his book, and James scoffed.

“Yeah, absolutely. They’re gonna dress me in a crown and make me dance like a primate before picking the richest girl to reproduce with because that’s my duty.” His shoulders sagged and he folded his arms. “I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

“Yeah. Sure.” James was a few steps away before Albus called to him again. “Look, whatever happens, Lily and I have your back.”

James nodded without looking at his brother. “I know you do. Don’t forget to dust off your fancy shirt. You might meet a nice girl too.”

“No girl in their right mind would be interested in me.”

“What about a nice guy?”

“Even less likely.”

James laughed, but his amusement faded as he came into sight of his bedroom door. His room was large and extravagant, with the walls painted red and gold with filigree carved into the molding. A double door of stained glass was set across the room and lead out onto a stone balcony, hidden by scarlet red drapes when doors were closed. To the right was a trio of love seats set around a low mahogany table in front of a stone fireplace that James could walk into. There were bookshelves built into one of the walls, tapestries and paintings hanging on the others, a wardrobe filled with clothes on one side of the room, and a vanity mirror nearby. It was designed for comfort, but all James cared about was the double king sized bed covered in silk sheets and a heavy duvet.

With no other responsibilities to deal with for the day, James intended to lie in bed until the sun went down. Even if the council planned to force him into marriage with a gender he felt no attraction towards, he had no plans of giving up his privacy. He wasn’t going to share his room or his bed with her. This was the only bit of control he was going to have left after his coronation. James laid curled up on his side with the blankets pulled over his head. He'd calmed down by the time the sun was setting, and decided to slip out of his room to seek out his guard.

The castle was silent as he made his way down the halls, sneaking out the first door he came to before a guard or servant caught him. James had taken this path a million times. He’d memorized it so well he could find Teddy’s bedroom window in complete darkness. Teddy was still awake, his window a dim golden glow against a backdrop of night. Instead of letting himself in like he usually did, James climbed onto the crate outside and tapped on the glass. The drapes were drawn back almost instantly so Teddy could open the window for him. James couldn’t find the will to look up at Teddy as he accepted the soldier's hand and climbed into the room.

“Did you manage to sleep?” Teddy asked as he shut the window and pulled the curtain back over it.

James sat down on the bed, letting his shoulders sag. “I don’t think I can go through with it,” he said softly, not answering Teddy's initial question. 

Teddy pulled his desk chair closer to the bed, sitting in front of James. “Go through with what?”

“Marriage.” James met Teddy's eye. “My dad, my entire country; they expect me to find a noble girl to marry because they want another heir. I can’t do it.” He dropped his head and rubbed his cheek, sniffing. “Ted I can’t just sleep with someone I feel no attraction towards for the sole purpose of getting her pregnant.”

“Jamie…”

“I don’t even like women,” James confessed, folding his hands tightly together. “I know I’m supposed to. I know dad expects it of me, but I _don’t._ It’s not even flexible, I can’t just make myself feel something that I don't feel otherwise.”

Teddy reached out to hold James’ hands. “No one is asking you to change.”

“You’re wrong about that,” James laughed. _“You_ may not be asking me to change, but that’s what’s expected of me.”

Teddy rubbed a thumb over the back of James’ hand. “How did you know you liked men?”

James stared at where their hands were connected, smirking a little. “I like soldiers I guess,” he admitted. “As I was growing up I saw girls in elegant gowns and men in armor. I found myself preferring the armor. I spent more time with the military because I was curious, but it didn’t take me a long time to realize I liked men.” He shut his burning eyes as a tear fell down his face. “Not that it matters.”

“That’s not true. Maybe you should talk to your father.”

“You heard him in the meeting, Ted,” James sighed. “He’s not gonna let me marry a man just because I’m not attracted to women.”

“But he _is_ your father, and he cares about your happiness,” Teddy insisted gently. He reached up to wipe away the tear on James’ cheek. “Maybe there’s a way to work around this.”

“Like what?” James scoffed. “Find a mistress to have my kid but marry a man? Or marry a noble woman and have her live in a different room so I can share mine with a male consort?”

“Why not?” Teddy shrugged. “So long as you have a child for the family, you should be allowed to live your life with the person you really love.”

“But I don’t want to have a kid like that,” James argued softly. “How can I be expected to sleep with a woman when I can’t… perform?”

Teddy was quiet for a moment, debating the question before answering. “Maybe if you can find a male partner you trust, he can help you.”

James covered his face with his hands. “This is humiliating.”

“It’s nothing you should be ashamed of. It happens a lot.”

“I feel sick.”

“It’s going to be okay. Hey.” Teddy cupped James’ face with his hand, coaxing him to look up before smiling at him. “Whatever happens, my job is to protect you. I’ll always be here. I’ll help you through this. Just remember there is no shame in how you feel. I’m interested in men too.”

James gave him an exhausted look. “And women.”

Teddy shrugged, nodding. “Yes, and women. I like both and there's nothing wrong with it.”

“I know there’s nothing wrong with it,” James said, but he felt like he was trying to convince himself rather than Teddy. “Please don’t tell my father. I just need to figure out what to do for myself. I just need to think.”

“What you should think about is what you want.” Teddy said, and James smiled wistfully.

He stood up and turned towards the window, walking over to pull the curtains away and opening it before sitting on the sill. “Everything I want seems insignificant when compared to the good of my country. If I’m expected to sacrifice what I want to keep my people safe, then am I even allowed to be happy?” He looked back at Teddy. “Can I be happy when it seems like my happiness means my country has to be miserable?”

Teddy looked pained by the question. He stood from his seat to join James at the window, his face going slack as he stood in front of the prince. “The people of Engryff love you, James. They would want you to be happy, even if it meant not having children. This law is your fathers, not the people’s. I know you being happy is what they care about.”

James felt close to tears as he stared at Teddy. “Really?”

Teddy smiled. “Jamie whatever you may think, you have every right to be happy; and you _will_ be happy. You just need to have faith that what happens in the end will be for the best.”

James gaped at Teddy for a drawn moment as he talked. The cold night air brushed at the back of his neck, sneaking into the room around James to tease Teddy's hair. James shook his head. “How are you like this?” He asked.

Teddy frowned. “What do you mean?”

“So kind,” James clarified. He lifted a hand to Teddy’s head, sliding his thumb over the scar across his right eyebrow. “You’ve been through more than anyone can imagine, yet you’re so kind. The world’s done nothing but hurt you, but you protect it. Anyone else would want to get back at it.”

“Why would I do that?” Teddy asked in a soft laugh, one corner of his lips curving up. “The world gave me you.”

Warmth surged in James’ chest, his hand moving from Teddy's head to instead cradle his face. He didn’t know what prompted him to do what he did. The kiss was chaste and quick because James wasn’t experienced enough to make it longer. Teddy’s lips were warm, and the heat spread to James’ mouth, cheeks, down his neck, into his chest and to the pit of his stomach. The soldier didn’t push him away, instead holding James’ arm in a gentle grasp.

When James pulled back, there was a moment of silence where he felt perfectly blissful. His mind and body felt warm, but the blood in his veins went as cold as the night air when he met Teddy’s eye. He looked shocked, and panic went through James. He covered his mouth with a hand and turned away.

“I’m sorry,” he quickly blurted, “I didn’t mean to—” he nearly fell out of the window. Teddy lunged forward and grabbed his arm before he could, helping him maneuver outside safely. “I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t mean to not ask, I didn’t— I should’ve asked. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

“James—”

“Goodnight.” James shut the window and turned around, stumbling towards his room, petrified in shock.


	4. Love from a Distance

Teddy had never been more emotionally vulnerable and scared than he had been when he first met James. Back then he'd been dealing with nightmares and anxiety, constantly confused and worried he was doing something wrong. He couldn't remember a thing about himself, and the only security he was able to get was with Kingsley. When he started living with Kingsley, he had no idea Ginny was pregnant, and as far as he knew he'd never seen a baby before. Teddy was young himself, but when he first laid eyes on James, he knew the prince would always be someone he'd be desperate to protect. It was like the universe knew Teddy needed something different to ground him to reality during such an uncertain time. The only reason Teddy was able to move forward was because he had James.

After knowing each other for twenty years, Teddy knew James from the inside out. In fact he probably knew the man better than he should have. James wasn't just any royal, he was the crown prince. He was born into an elegant lifestyle Teddy didn't quite comprehend, and his name alone was a right to the throne. Meanwhile Teddy was an orphan with no memory of his past, who just happened to be good enough at fighting to be considered a soldier. Teddy shouldn’t have even considered James to be a _friend,_ because James was so beyond him in terms of class, but he did.

Teddy treasured James more than anyone or anything else, but these days there was something more. An itch that laid just beneath the surface of his skin. Something that burned his flesh when James smiled at him or bumped their shoulders together playfully. That strange feeling was otherwise immaterial, and Teddy knew it had to stay that way. Where same sex coupling wasn't frowned upon, to look at the prince — while he was merely a soldier — in that way?

James was special, but Teddy knew better.

When James touched his scar, Teddy felt lightheaded. Generally he wouldn’t let anyone near his head, because when people tried to touch the mark across his eyebrow he would feel instantly panicked. As if it was an automatic response left over from what caused the scar. Touch triggered fear, but when it was James, Teddy felt safe. He didn't understand why. All he knew was it felt different.

The kiss had been unexpected, but Teddy hadn't even attempted to pull away. It was gentle, clearly James was shy and didn’t quite know what he was doing. Between the kiss on his mouth and the tender touch on his face, Teddy didn’t think he’d ever felt so loved. The desire to gather James into his arms and kiss him deeper was nearly uncontrollable. The instant their lips brushed together, the immaterial emotions that had been locked away in Teddy broke out. His dynamic with James changed in the blink of an eye, and it was frightening. They'd never be able to go back to how they were before, but Teddy didn't know if they'd be able to go further either. James was royalty, and Teddy was just some nobody orphan.

For the next week the atmosphere between them was tense with something that made Teddy's face hot, but he tried not to let it interfere with his job. He stayed close to James when his presence was needed, trained daily with the rest of the military, and helped Kingsley prepare for James’ coronation. He tried not to be alone with James for too long, but even when they were alone, James was the one to take charge and completely avoid looking at his guard.

Teddy knew James felt guilty and embarrassed about what went down between them. He wanted to reassure the prince and tell him it was okay, but if he did that then he would have to admit he’d actually enjoyed it. That he wanted to kiss James again. Where would they be if he confessed all of that? Teddy wasn’t allowed to have these feelings for James, but the more he tried to push them down, the stronger they became. By the end of the week it was clear that what Teddy felt wasn't going to go away. His mind raced chaotically in fear and uncertainty.

In all honesty, he didn't even belong in Engryff. Would Harry kick him out when he discovered how Teddy felt about James? Teddy didn't have anywhere else to go. He wanted to stay with James. He was certain that he could care for James while still doing his job, but would Harry believe that?

“Evening, Teddy.”

Teddy lifted his head from the ground when he heard the greeting, his eyes falling on Bill and Kingsley. They were walking towards the castle, while Teddy was heading for the stables. He wanted to take a quick ride before people started to show up for the coronation, just to clear his mind. When he recognized Kingsley he paused in his steps, offering the two men a tight smile and focusing on Kingsley.

“Evening. I was looking for you. Do you have plans right now?”

Kingsley eyed Teddy curiously. “I have some time before the caravans pull in today.”

Teddy nodded towards the stables. “I was going to go for a ride. Care to join?”

Kingsley raised his chin as understanding filtered into his dark eyes. He turned to Bill, who gave his own knowing smile before reaching out to pat Kingsley on the shoulder.

"Go ahead, I can handle things down here until you get back."

"Thank you," Kingsley said, and Teddy met Bill's eye sheepishly, nodding his own thanks.

It used to be easier to get time alone with Kingsley, when Teddy was younger and still needed a guardian. No one questioned it when a six year old would cling to the General of the military until the man's full focus was on him. No one argued when Kingsley would pluck Teddy into his arms and carry him to their home so Teddy could cry about something, or chatter a mile a minute about nothing. The older Teddy got, the busier he got, and the opportunities to talk with Kingsley became less frequent. So they set up a sort of code to give each other when there was something particularly important they needed to talk about alone. Asking if Kingsley wanted to go for a ride had been Teddy's way of relaying that he needed to talk to him about something other than work. Kingsley had never once turned Teddy away when he needed him.

There was a lookout near the capital with a worn path leading up to it that they frequented when they needed to be alone. After saddling up, that was where they went. They sat perched on their horses side by side as they looked down at the castle. The sun was a few short hours from setting, and the sky was already dimming. Teddy silently hoped the caravan would arrive before nightfall, as traveling in the dark wouldn't be easy.

“What did you want to discuss with me?” Kingsley asked after a moment of sitting in companionable silence.

Teddy took a breath, squeezing the reins. “Have you ever been in love before?”

Kingsley gave a short laugh, patting his horse's neck. “I was wondering when you’d ask me that question.”

“Does that mean you have an answer?”

Kingsley sighed, sitting straighter. “There was a man, once."

Teddy grinned at him. “Was there?”

“It was a long time ago,” Kingsley admitted. “He was a soldier. We joined the military together, fought in the war side by side. He was a dear friend of mine.”

Teddy’s grin softened to a small smile. “You cared a lot for him.”

Kingsley nodded. “I did. I still do.” He looked at Teddy. “He was wounded during the last battle Engryff’s military was in. Badly enough that he couldn't fight anymore. He moved to Waluff for therapeutic purposes, because the medicine there is more advanced.” He looked back down at the city. “It was a long time ago.”

“He’s still alive?”

“Oh yes, alive and well,” Kingsley answered. “Married.”

Teddy winced. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s nothing to apologize for. I’m happy he found someone. What brought out the question?”

Teddy stared at the reins in his hands, sighing. “Something happened the other night,” he started. “Something I secretly wish could happen again.”

“What happened?” Kingsley coaxed.

“I kissed someone.” Teddy shook his head. “Well no, they kissed me. I didn’t fight it though. They kissed me and I didn’t want it to stop.”

“You kissed someone you shouldn’t have kissed,” Kingsley guessed, and Teddy nodded. “Were they married?”

“No.”

“And you like this person?”

Teddy shut his eyes. “More than I thought was humanly possible.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Teddy couldn’t answer at first. He didn’t know if he should. “James.” Teddy didn’t look at Kingsley. “James kissed me.”

There was a pause before Kingsley responded. “Oh.”

Teddy lifted a hand to rub his face. “It came out of nowhere. I crossed the line. I should have stopped him, or pushed him away. He’s my prince, my king, and I’m just…”

“Teddy if you’re about to tell me you believe you’re not good enough for someone just because that person is of royal blood,” Kingsley grumbled. “What matters is your heart, not the status of the blood that goes through it. If there’s anyone alive who’s good enough for James, it’s the soldier who’s been protecting him and loving him from birth.”

Teddy looked at Kingsley warily. “Do you really believe that?”

“I wouldn’t have said any of that if I didn’t believe it.”

“But the council meeting about James finding a wife?”

"Having a wife in our society doesn’t mean you can’t also have a consort. It’s actually very common. Even Harry's father had a male consort. If a member of the royal family marries for the sake of reproduction, they’re still allowed to choose a partner of the same sex if they so desire. Especially if the royal in question is more attracted to that sex.”

Teddy nodded, staring down at the castle. “James mentioned he didn’t think he could sleep with a woman, because he isn’t attracted to them. He was worried about what the king would say.”

“James has every right to choose his partners. For life and for the sake of producing an heir. It’s even in the written law. I respect our king, and when it comes down to it I know he’ll remember that law and allow James the freedom he’s owed.”

Teddy looked away, his heart pounding in his chest. “Do you think the king would let it be me?”

“Why not?” Kingsley asked. “What better partner could James choose? If he cares about you like you do him, there’s no better match.”

The delight Teddy felt was overwhelmed by his unease. “But he’s still expected to pick a girl to have children with.”

“Are you jealous of that?”

Teddy shook his head. “I’m just worried about the mental ramifications it might have on him. Having to force himself to… do something like that. How is it not violating? Couldn’t it be considered rape? Even if James agrees to it, he certainly doesn’t want it.”

Kingsley was quiet for a moment. When Teddy looked at him, he had a dark but reluctant expression on his face. “Some things we can’t avoid.”

“We can’t avoid rape,” Teddy repeated indignantly, shaking his head and looking away. “I’m supposed to protect him from everything, but I can’t protect him from rape. What kind of guard does that make me?”

“One who cares deeply,” Kingsley said, smiling gently. “It’ll be alright, Teddy. You’re a good man.”

“I just want to protect him,” Teddy said softly. “Whatever else happens, I _need_ to protect him.”

Kingsley reached out to squeeze one of Teddy’s hands, lifting his head higher at the sound of horses neighing and huffing. From the vantage point they had, they could see a remarkably large group of people coming into town on horses and marching on foot. Teddy met Kingsley’s eye before turning their mounts away from the cliff. Teddy practically jumped off Cress when they reached the stables, letting one of the boys there take the reins so he could hurry to the castle steps.

He took his position behind James, who was picking at his nails and spinning the ring around his index. The prince stood at Harry’s right side, while Ginny stood on the left with Albus and Lily. Teddy felt out of place. Aside from Kingsley, he was the only one on the steps not of royal or noble status. He was just a meager guard. He tried not to think about it, folding his hands behind his back, mirroring Kingsley's firm stance.

Soldiers from the military stood at attention on either side of the courtyard as the caravan flooded through the gates. Nobles from every country had traveled to the capitol for James' coronation. Teddy was startled to find he actually recognized some of them when they’d visited Engryff. He was familiar with Queen Luna and King Rolf from Ravire, though he'd never met their twin son's before. Lorcan and Lysander, if he remembered their names correctly. Teddy was also unfamiliar with the nobles from Scythan, though he noted Harry’s body language was less than enthusiastic as they started for the steps.

He turned his head and whispered to James. “Don’t pick anyone from the north.”

James tensed. “Why not?”

“Just some fatherly advice.”

“That’s not advice,” James murmured when Harry turned back to face the front. “That’s your bias.”

Teddy reached out to put a hand on the small of James’ back. The prince went rigid before slowly relaxing, leaning into Teddy’s touch. Teddy felt stupidly pleased by James’ trust, rubbing his knuckles over his back to ease away more of the obvious tension in the prince's shoulders. Teddy knew this was going to be hard for James, and honestly he was worried of what might happen. He needed to know he could trust Teddy through this.

“Good to see you made it safely,” Harry greeted the royals from Scythan when they reached the steps.

The king stood at the front, looking about as excited as Harry. From what Kingsley had mentioned, Harry and the Scythan king, Draco, had history. It wasn’t good history, either. Teddy was just happy the men were mature enough not to do more than glare at each other, shaking hands a little too firmly in greeting.

“It was a nice trip,” Draco said. His eyes swept from one side of the steps to the other, looking at each face curiously.

“We have rooms set up for everyone,” Bill was the one to announce, waving for some of his soldiers to come forward and help with baggage. “We’ll have our men show everyone to their quarters. If you need anything please don’t hesitate to ask.”

Teddy and James moved to the side, staying on the steps with Kingsley and Harry as the rest of the family went inside. Lily seemed to immediately take an interest in Lorcan, who looked to be around her age. Lorcan pointed at the sword strapped to her side as they headed for the door.

“You’re allowed to carry one of those?”

“Yes I am,” Lily gripped the handle of her sword, beaming. “I train with the military.”

“Wow.”

“James,” Harry motioned to the people who were still on the steps. “You remember the king from Scythan.”

“Draco,” James greeted, shaking the man’s hand before smiling at the blonde boy next to him. “Which would make you the prince.”

“Scorpius,” the boy introduced himself and shook James’ hand.

Harry quickly introduced James Luna, Rolf, and Lysander. When he introduced the nobles from Waluff, Teddy found himself feeling silently confused. There was a queen and king, but they had no children with them. They also appeared to be the oldest royals there. Maybe their heir had remained home?

“Call me Tonks,” the queen greeted with a smile, shaking James’ hand. “It’s nice to meet you finally. Your father has mentioned you many times.”

“All good things I hope,” James said, and the queen’s smile grew, though it was tight.

Teddy glanced over at where Kingsley had descended the stairs to greet the Waluff king on his own. He was gripping one of the king's hands firmly, his other hand holding the man's shoulder. The greeting was intimate and familiar, and it looked like they were already in the midst of a conversation, smiling at each other. There was a cane held in the king's other hand, and his face was badly scarred. It felt like a gut punch when it occurred to Teddy that this man must have been the former soldier Kingsley had mentioned; the one he cared so much for.

He was the king of Waluff?

Teddy was so bewildered that he didn't realize his head was aching until he lifted a hand to instinctively scratch at the scar across his eyebrow. He winced when the pain shot through his skull, looking down at the stairs for a moment as he took a slow breath in to tame the pain. When he looked back at Kingsley and the Waluff king, the headache seemed to get worse. It wasn’t any better when he looked at where James was speaking with Tonks.

Teddy attempted to distract himself from his head by counting the horses and carriages that made up the caravan. After a moment his attention was drawn back to James when Tonks moved away from him. She went back down the stairs to where her husband was still conversing with Kingsley. The old soldier released the king's hand and turned to Tonks, greeting her with a tight embrace. It seemed he knew the Waluff royals well, but he'd never mentioned that to Teddy before. He supposed it didn't matter, though. Kingsley had a life beyond Teddy, he was allowed to have friends. Even if it Teddy found it weird that those friends were royals from the neighboring country in the south.

James turned to Teddy when they were alone on the steps, and Teddy focused on him completely. He was a little surprised James was actually facing him after avoiding him for so long.

“Are you alright?” Teddy asked, and James nodded.

“More of the nobles will be arriving later today,” he said, folding his arms. “I haven’t met the other crown heirs before. They seem nice.”

“They do,” Teddy agreed, glancing down the steps. “Waluff doesn’t have an heir, though. Do you know why?”

James looked uncomfortable by the question. “I overheard my dad talking with mum about it once, but I don’t know if it’s true. They had a son,” James glanced at Tonks from the corner of his eyes. “Someone took him.”

Teddy winced. “That kind of thing happens?”

“I don’t know if it _actually_ happened,” James admitted. “It could be a rumor. Maybe he died in childbirth. Maybe they never had kids. Personally I’m not interested in asking.”

“No, of course not,” Teddy agreed. “I imagine it would be difficult to talk about that kind of thing.”

“They seem nice, though,” James decided, watching the couple. “Waluff is lucky to have them.”

Teddy moved his eyes from them to James. “And Engryff is lucky to have you.” James stared at Teddy for a moment, eventually giving him a shy smile. “Look,” Teddy rubbed his scar again. “I wanted to talk to you about what happened.”

James looked startled at the comment, blushing and looking down sheepishly. “Yeah. I should apologize again.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” Teddy squeezed his eyes shut, clutching his forehead.

“Whoa.” James reached out to hold Teddy’s elbows. “Is your head hurting?”

“I’m fine,” Teddy said, though he kept his eyes closed. “I think it’s just the sun.”

“Alright, come on.” James put an arm around him. “Let’s get you somewhere cool. You should drink some water.”

“Yeah,” Teddy agreed, letting James lead him towards the door.

He looked back once to see where Kingsley was, still standing with the king and queen from Waluff. The couple was side by side, the king had an arm around his wife's shoulders while Tonks had both her arms wrapped around his wait. The smiles they shared were cheerful, but somewhat small. Like they were pretending to be happy. The longer Teddy stared at them, the more his head hurt, until he had to look away to keep from blacking out. He clung to James, maybe a little too tightly, keeping one hand against his head as he was led towards the infirmary.

“I’ll stay with you,” James offered as he helped Teddy sit on the edge of the closest cot.

Teddy shook his head. “I’m alright, Jamie. I just need to sit here for a moment.”

“Honey are these headaches frequent?” Poppy asked, giving Teddy a cup of water.

He shook his head again. “I never get headaches,” he admitted, drinking half the cup before wincing against another throb behind his eye. He pinched his eyes shut and James took the cup away so he wouldn't drop it, running a hand through Teddy’s hair. “It’s just the sun.”

“Lift your head,” James chided.

Teddy reluctantly obeyed, and Poppy took hold of his chin. “Where’s the pain?”

“My forehead,” Teddy answered, cringing when Poppy stroked his scar. “Yeah, there.”

“Strange,” Poppy hummed, turning Teddy’s head from one side to the other. “Your pupils are responding correctly. I don’t see any physical reason for the migraine.”

“Like I said, it’s the heat.”

“Then take this off,” James commanded, tapping the armor on Teddy’s chest.

“Bring him to his room and have him rest,” Poppy recommended, and James nodded.

“I’m not taking my armor off,” Teddy tried to argue as James put an arm around his waist, leading him out of the room and down the hall. “James, I’m fine. My head started feeling better when we got inside. It’s—”

“The heat, I get it.” Or so James said, but he didn’t seem to care. “There’s no threat to me in the castle. Just take your armor off.”

“Yeah, no threat. How well do you know the nobles currently residing in your castle?”

“Well remember, at least thirty-seven of these strangers want to marry me,” James said bitterly.

“That doesn’t mean you can trust them,” Teddy said.

James was silent for a moment before his steps slowed. He stopped completely and looked up at Teddy. “You’re the only one I need to trust.”

Teddy stared at James. He looked nervous, and they were alone in the hall, so Teddy took the chance to finally clear the air between them. “I’m not upset about what happened,” he said.

James looked away, pulling his arm in but keeping a hand on Teddy’s back. “You’re too nice to be mad at me.”

“It’s not because I’m nice.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you angry,” James noted, blatantly ignoring Teddy’s words. “I’ve never even heard you yell.”

Teddy sighed. “I guess I’ve just never gotten that angry before,” he admitted. “Don’t change the subject.”

James shrugged. “But I’m really good at it.”

“Yes, I know.” Teddy pointed at James. “Stop it.”

James laughed, but his smile fell fast as he stared at the ground. “I know you’re not upset.”

“Good,” Teddy lowered his hand to his side. “I know this situation isn’t ideal for you, and I know it’s been stressing you out. I can imagine it’s also a bit daunting and scary.”

“And you’re not making me feel better about it,” James confirmed.

Teddy smiled. “The point I’m trying to make is I’m here if you need me. I don’t want what happened to change how you trust me.”

“I won’t stop trusting you,” James said, “but I also won’t stop feeling guilty.”

“You should,” Teddy spoke softly. “I didn’t hate it.”

James looked shocked at the admittance, then flustered. “I—I didn’t either.” He glanced down the hall nervously before looking back at Teddy. “So what are we supposed to do?”

Teddy considered the question, staring at James. “I don’t know what we _can_ do,” he admitted. “Or how far we can go. I suppose it’s up to you and what you want.”

“I want you,” James blurted, his face going red, “but I don’t know if I can have that.”

Teddy nodded slowly. “You have every right to choose what makes you happy. Remember you have some power over your own life. You _are_ the crown prince.”

James looked thoughtful, humming and looking off to the side. They were interrupted before James could continue the conversation.

“James.”

They both looked down the hall where Harry was walking with Draco, Tonks, and Waluff’s king — Teddy didn’t know his name.

“Dad— your majesty,” James smiled. “Can I help you?”

“What are you up to right now?”

“Oh, I was,” he pointed at Teddy, “he had a headache, I was taking him back to his room.”

“No, no.” Teddy held both hands up. “I’m fine.” He looked at Harry. “I am fine. It went away in minutes. I was just in the sun too long.”

“Ah. Well, I need to borrow my son. Maybe you should lie down for a bit.”

“I don’t need to do that, I’m fine.” James squeezed his arm, close to arguing, but Teddy kept his focus on Harry. “I have to meet up with Kingsley. There are a few security details we wanted to confirm before tomorrow night.”

“Don’t let us stop you,” Harry said. “James, I need to discuss a few things with you.”

James sagged, reluctantly letting go of Teddy and shuffling towards Harry. “Fine. Go lie down if your headache comes back,” he chided to Teddy, who nodded.

“I will. I’ll talk to you later.”

He backed up, his eyes shifting when he felt someone watching him. When his eyes met Tonks’, pain shot through his head, and he quickly turned away. He waited until he turned a corner before lifting a hand to his head, wincing.

The wound on his head had been deep enough to leave a bad scar, but it had never caused pain or migraines before. Teddy didn’t know what was happening to him, but he hoped it would stop before it got worse.


	5. Dance with Me

“Who is that man?” Tonks asked, watching after Teddy before looking at Harry. “One of your soldiers?”

“He’s the captain of my son’s personal guard detail,” Harry answered. “He’s been training since he was six.”

“That’s young for the military,” the king noted; James recalled Kingsley had addressed him as Remus.

“There wasn’t much else for him to do aside from train and study,” Harry admitted. “He’s the best fighter we have in our military.”

“It’s no wonder you chose him to be your heir’s guard if he’s as good as you say,” Draco said.

“He’s better,” Harry admitted. “He could fight on equal grounds with Kingsley when he was twelve.”

Draco nodded. “That’s horrifying.”

“Just don’t make him mad,” Harry warned.

James snorted. “Teddy doesn’t get mad that easily.”

Tonks furrowed her brow, looking at James. “What did you say?”

“He doesn’t get mad easily,” James repeated.

“He’s level headed and calm under pressure,” Harry added. “The perfect soldier.”

James didn’t know why that comment bothered him.

Remus and Tonks became eerily silent after that. Tonks had her arm hooked with her husband’s, staring at Harry in confusion. Meanwhile Remus looked completely blank, though his eyes were chaotic. Their expressions weren’t threatening, but they _were_ slightly alarming. They looked as if they'd just seen a ghost and couldn't comprehend it. Tonks looked like she was tempted to speak, but was holding back for some reason. James wanted to ask if she was alright, but didn't get the chance before Harry swept him away and began dragging him down the hall.

He found himself confined to another part of the castle, and for the next few hours he was tasked with doing absolutely nothing; because his coronation was just a day away, Harry tried to justify. James asked a dozen times why he couldn’t see anyone during that time, but Harry unhelpfully told him it was tradition. He tried to sneak out to see Teddy that night, but the security had doubled since the guests had arrived.

The following day, servants and beauticians filtered into the room to prepare him for that night. First they had James strip down to bathe in warm water scented with perfumes, and it would have been enjoyable if James had been allowed to be alone in the bath. Instead there were people surrounding him, washing his hair, cleaning his nails, and swearing to him that waxing his body was completely safe and natural. Even the clothes he was expected to wear for his coronation were more elegant than what he usually wore. The servants were helping him get dressed when Harry came back into the room. His eyes glowed in pride when he saw James.

James glowered at him. “This would be more fun if strange people weren’t waxing every inch of my body without my consent.”

Harry grinned, propping a hand on his hip. “I had to go through it too.”

“The only hair left on my body is on my head and face,” James said in a deadpan voice.

“Yes, but you smell nice,” Harry offered, and James glared at him in resentment.

The servants finished securing his clothes. Silky black pants, black shoes, a white undershirt, and a deep red and gold uniform shirt that double buttoned down his chest. The collar reached just below his chin and the long sleeves were at his wrists. They decorated his fingers with rings of gold and silver inlaid with diamonds, emeralds and rubies. Afterwards they moved on to styling his hair, combing it out before braiding small sections and threading strings of platinum and gold through it.

James felt like a clown. They were dressing him up like a doll to sell off to the highest bidder. His stomach was twisting in anxiety, and all he wanted was Teddy. They didn’t even have to talk. If James could just _see_ him, then maybe he would stop panicking about that night.

He faced Harry, and the emotion on the king’s face made him feel on the spot and embarrassed. “Just tell me how I look,” James demanded.

Harry smiled proudly. “You look like a king.”

The moment the coronation began he was fighting not to pass out. It was a simple ceremony, a verbal oath recitation before James was instructed to kneel. That’s when he saw Teddy from the corner of his eyes. He was standing against the wall with Bill and Kingsley. For once he wasn’t wearing any of the heavy armor he was so fond of, though he still wore the cloak that identified him as a soldier of the Engryff military. The expression on his face was one of pure awe and elation, like he was seeing James for the first time.

James held his gaze for a moment before offering Teddy a brave smile. Knowing Teddy was watching made him feel less afraid, because Teddy's attention was all that mattered to him. James bowed his head and shut his eyes as the crown was set on his head. It stayed perfectly in place as he stood up to face the room. Through the applause he kept his eyes on Teddy. The soldier applauded with the crowd, and the look in his eyes was full of wonder.

When Harry released James to wander through the guests dancing on the floor, he tried to make a beeline for Teddy. He didn’t make it far before the first girl came up to him. She was pretty, he supposed. Her skin was pale and she was dressed in an elegant black dress with green stitching. Her hair was silvery and her curls were wild and pinned back with silver clips. Her eyes were unnervingly dark.

She smiled when she managed to block James. “Lucky me. I’m the first to catch you. Are you going to ask me to dance?”

James opened and closed his mouth for a moment. “I—I was actually—”

His eyes wandered to where Teddy was standing across the room conversing with Bill and his oldest daughter, Victoire. He then glanced over his shoulder to see where Harry was. The king was near the throne with Ginny and the leaders of their allied countries. He gave James a stern look, so James reluctantly turned back to the woman.

“Yes,” he offered his hand, “please.”

He held her left hand in his right, setting his left hand lightly on her waist so he was barely touching her. She placed her right hand against his shoulder and lead him through the first few steps of the dance. James tried to focus on everything other than how violated and uncomfortable he felt.

“So are you excited to be king?” The woman asked.

James somehow managed to maintain a tight smile. “Asking me that right away? I don’t even know your name.”

“How impolite of me. I’m Delphini. People call me Delphi.” Her smile was cheerful, but her eyes were less friendly.

“Are you from Engryff?” James inquired, and Delphi shook her head.

“I’m a Scythan noble,” she answered. “I’ve always wanted to visit the capitol, though. I’m happy I was invited.”

“And on that note, welcome. Are you enjoying yourself so far?”

“Oh I love it,” Delphi said. “The castle is stunning, and the city is wonderful. I’ve spent all my time so far in the city. Walking the perimeter, checking the alleys and the surrounding forests. It’s beautiful. There are more empty houses than I would have expected.”

“Empty houses but no homeless,” James defended with a smile, and Delphi laughed.

It sounded forced and exaggerated. James swallowed the knot in his throat and looked over Delphi’s shoulder. Teddy was on the floor now, dancing with Victoire. He periodically glanced in James’ direction, and when their eyes met James felt a million thoughts pass between them. Then Victoire had danced Teddy so his back was to James, leaving the prince to stare at the black cloak that was just short enough to not drag on the floor.

James wasn’t surprised his cousin wanted to dance with Teddy. She was undeniably the most beautiful and eligible woman in Engryff, and Teddy wasn't bad looking either. As a matter of fact, he was so handsome that a few nobles who'd never met him before assumed he was royalty, and appeared floored when Teddy explained he was a soldier. Everyone agreed that Teddy was beyond attractive, and James tried not to feel bothered by it. People would stare at Teddy when he passed them, eyes lingering on him in longing and base desire. Victoire was no different; she’d had eyes for Teddy since they were kids. That wouldn’t stop James from feeling bitter.

“What’s wrong?” Delphi tilted her head. “You look upset.”

“I’m fine,” James reassured. “Just thirsty.” He pulled away from Delphini. “Thank you for the dance.”

Delphini smiled, offering James a curtsy before turning and striding away. James found the closest servant carrying drinks and accepted one of the flute glasses, emptying it in seconds. He forced himself to accept the next girl who asked for a dance.

He didn’t know how long he danced with the strangers, but he was almost certain more than thirty-seven women came up to him. After every dance the girls would shuffle away looking disappointed, even offended. James glanced at where his father was standing, wincing when he caught the man’s eye. Harry had been watching him, and he didn’t look impressed. James probably wasn’t responding to the bachelorettes the way the king wanted, but what was James supposed to do about that? He didn’t know any of these women, and their exaggerated interest in him made him uncomfortable. Every girl who danced with him knew exactly why they were there. They knew they were eligible and knew James was supposed to pick a potential wife that night. All they cared about was the crown.

“May I have the next dance?”

James lit up when he turned to his younger sister. Lily was wearing drastically different clothing from the rest of the women there. Though she was wearing a dress, she’d altered it to fit her style. The skirt was split up to her thigh on both sides, and she was wearing black pants underneath it. Dressed for a fight is what she would call it.

“Absolutely,” James agreed, bowing dramatically before taking her hands in his. “Have you danced with anyone else tonight?”

“A few cute guys,” Lily said with a wink. “No names in case you get overprotective.”

“Of course,” James played along. “You look lovely by the way.”

“So do you,” Lily grinned. “You’ve got every eye in the room on you.”

James pressed his lips together, exhaling through his nose. “I’ve been ignoring that.”

Lily looked sympathetic. “I know this is tough on you.”

“Did dad mention what I’m supposed to do tonight?” James asked, and Lily furrowed her brow.

“No?”

“I’m supposed to pick a potential wife.” 

Lily’s nose scrunched up in distaste. “You’re kidding.”

“Dad says I’m expected to find a wife and knock her up to secure the future of my country,” James expanded, lifting a hand to wave it dramatically.

“You don’t even like girls,” Lily argued.

James gaped at her. “Who told you that?”

Lily laughed. “Do you really expect me to believe you spend hours watching the soldiers train just to support me?” James winced and Lily squeezed his hand. “You’ve gotta talk to dad. He’s so focused on worrying about the country that he forgets he’s got more than one kid. You don’t _have_ to have children. I would love to have children! His majesty needs to chill.”

“Do you really think it’s that easy?”

“Oh absolutely not,” Lily quickly responded. “You’re not allowed to marry just _any_ man. Al and I have to approve of him. You’re going to be king, so you need a husband who can protect you.”

“I can protect myself,” James argued, and Lily gave him a playfully condescending look, tilting her head.

“Sure you can.”

James laughed, shifting his eyes to look across the room. Teddy was still dancing with Victoire. One man approached them and tapped Teddy's shoulder, offering his hand to Victoire once he had both their attention. Victoire waved him away and pulled Teddy a few paces backwards. The man looked put out as he shuffled away from the duo, sending a glare back towards them that made James' stomach curl in discomfort. A few moments later James watched a woman creep up to them with a shy blush, attempting to steal Teddy from Victoire, but Victoire waved her away like she'd done the gentleman from before. Victoire’s full focus was on Teddy. James was starting to feel unreasonably jealous.

“Hey.”

Lily and James turned at the voice, reaching out when they recognized Albus and taking hold of his arms. They pulled their brother closer to make a circle. James wrapped an arm around Albus' shoulders as Lily hooked her arm through his and they began to sway with the music. Albus grumbled in irritation but didn’t pull away. He put an arm behind James' back, folding his other arm across his stomach to lock the hook with Lily's arm.

“So did you hear?” Lily leaned towards Albus. “James is getting married tonight.”

Albus scoffed. “That’s gonna happen. Who’s the lucky guy?”

“You _both_ knew?” James demanded, and Albus shrugged.

“If you ogle shirtless soldiers in your spare time you’re either horny for violence or horny for men.”

“I’m not—” James cut himself off and grumbled. “It doesn’t matter. I’m supposed to marry a woman so I can have kids.”

“You don’t even like girls,” Albus argued, and James felt the need to smack him.

“Yes Albus. Evidently we are all aware of that.”

“Dad’s not,” Lily reminded him, and James sighed.

“You two aren’t making me feel better.”

“We’ll leave you alone then,” Lily offered. “There’s a cute guy over there I’ve been wanting to dance with for a while.”

“What guy?” James followed Lily’s gaze to where a young man was standing.

His hair was dark blonde and his clothes were elegant. James knew who he was immediately, having met him the day before. He grinned at his sister, who glared back at him.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“That's the crown prince of Ravire,” James said, and Lily blushed furiously.

“He is? I met his brother the other day,” she pulled away from the princes. “I have to go dance with him.”

James and Albus watched her slip between the crowd before exchanging baffled expressions.

“What’s plan C if she moves to Ravire?” Albus asked, and James laughed sarcastically.

“Funny.”

“For the record I agree with her. You need to talk to dad. Lily and I will too if you need the extra support.”

James looked down and lifted his hands, playing with the rings decorating his fingers. Some of them were heirlooms, some of them had been gifts from family, but the ring on his right index was one he bought for himself. It was smooth gold inlaid with tiny moonstones and rubies. It was his favorite ring, one he wore all the time, one he would always twist when he was particularly anxious; like he was now.

“Do you think dad would leave me alone if you or Lily had kids?”

“He should,” Albus answered. “So long as there’s an heir.”

James nodded. “And if the man I chose to be with instead just,” he shrugged, “happened to be a soldier?”

“I feel like dad would prefer that,” Albus admitted. “A soldier would be able to protect you better.”

“Lily said something similar,” James murmured. “Then what if—hypothetically of course—the man I want is, I don’t know, the captain of my personal guard detail?”

Albus stared blankly at his brother. “James, just talk to him,” he said after a moment.

“Who? Dad?”

“God’s sake,” Albus hissed, grabbing James by the arm and dragging him into the crowd.

James didn’t know what they were doing until he realized they were next to Victoire and Teddy.

Albus released James and instead reached out to take Victoire's arm, pulling him away from Teddy. She looked annoyed for a moment until Albus spoke. “Lily’s dancing with the crown prince of Ravire,” he whispered.

Victoire gaped at him. “Lily is? No bloody way.” She was distracted enough to get sucked into the crowd with Albus, leaving James to stand alone beside Teddy.

The soldier turned to James with a tired expression. “She wouldn’t leave me alone. I’ll have to thank Albus later.”

“Are you okay?” James asked.

Teddy looked startled before smiling. “Yeah, I’m fine. You look fantastic.”

James flushed, twisting the ring around his finger. “Thanks. You do too.” He gave Teddy an amused smile. “It’s nice to see you relaxing.”

“Is that what I’m doing?”

“I meant you’re not wearing any of that bulky armor,” James clarified. He held his hands out. “Dance with me.” Teddy looked flustered at the request, so James took his hands. “Come on. This is supposed to be fun.”

Teddy took James’ right hand with his left before holding his waist. He looked across the room, so James took his chin with his fingers to force his eyes back down.

“Look at _me,_ Ted,” he ordered gently. He settled his hand on Teddy’s shoulder, swaying to the music. “Is your head feeling any better?”

“It stopped hurting.”

“It’s been on and off?” James asked, and Teddy nodded. “That’s never happened before.”

“No,” Teddy agreed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe it’s stress.”

James smiled. “Worried about me?”

“I mean yes,” Teddy laughed. “Though I’m not so sure that’s the whole reason.”

“You’ll tell me if it starts hurting again?” James asked, and Teddy nodded.

“I will if you want me to.”

James held his breath as Teddy slipped a hand from his waist to the small of his back. He pulled James closer, and James slid his hand to cup the back of Teddy’s neck. Dancing with the soldier was effortless. Rather than feeling as if the hands on his body were burning, Teddy’s sent a gentle warmth through him. James felt like he was dancing on air. His heart was racing in his chest and he desperately hoped Teddy couldn't her it.

“You need to walk around without armor more often,” James insisted.

Teddy laughed softly. “I thought you preferred armor?”

James shrugged. “More to the point, I think my preference is you.”

“I’m flattered,” Teddy said.

James looked down for a moment to gather his thoughts before meeting Teddy’s eye again. “Do you think I have a right to choose who I’m with?”

Teddy furrowed his brow. “Of course I do.”

James nodded slowly. “Then do you think it would be fair of me to take advantage of my position as the crown prince to fight for that right?”

“If you should take advantage of your crown for any reason, it’s for the right to be happy.” Teddy was quiet for a moment before whispering. “Maybe I’m the one being selfish now.”

James arched an eyebrow. “Oh, you assume you’d be the one I’d fight to be with?”

Teddy’s smile was tender. “Am I?”

James stared at Teddy’s lips, swallowing down his anxiety before meeting his eye. “Yeah.” He stroked the back of Teddy’s neck. “Does that mean you’d be okay with it?” Teddy was quiet, and James would have felt uneasy if the soldier wasn’t looking at him with so much adoration in his eyes. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do,” James said sternly. “Whatever move we make next, I want you to be the one make it.”

Teddy shook his head. “Why?”

“Because I value you as more than just a soldier,” James explained. “I’ve known you my whole life. I know you better than I know myself and I care about you. You’re my friend, and you’re probably the most intelligent person I’ve ever met. You’re worth more than what people think. You’re worth more than what _you_ think.”

Teddy winced, and the smile he gave was wistful. “Implying I don’t think I’m good enough for you?”

“Yes, actually, and it’s ridiculous,” James nagged. “Teddy I know you. I know this,” he lifted his hand to Teddy’s head, brushing his thumb across the scar, “bothers you more than you’d ever admit.” He dropped his hand to Teddy’s, fitting their fingers together. “You’re important to me, but not because you’re useful. You have a home here, with me, and you always will. If you want it.” He held Teddy’s gaze for a moment before smiling gently. “That’s all I wanted to say. You have the freedom to choose who you want to be with just like I do. I’m not going to force you to be with me just because my future is on the throne. If I ever intend to take advantage of my status, it’s not going to be against you.”

Teddy listened to James patiently and thoughtfully. Through the entire conversation they danced slowly, stuck in the middle of the rest of the crowd. James didn’t know if people were eavesdropping, but he didn’t care. Part of him wanted people to know how he felt about Teddy. He certainly wanted Victoire to know. More important than them, he wanted Teddy to know. If the kiss hadn’t confirmed it before, then Teddy would know now.

Teddy opened his mouth after a moment, but he didn’t get the chance to respond. James didn’t like the way his father cut straight through the crowd to grip his shoulder, interrupting their dance. Teddy pulled his hands away from James when he realized who’d walked up, and James gave his father an irritated look.

“Pardon me,” Harry said to Teddy, then looked at James. “A word, son.”

“Now?” James asked, and Harry squeezed his shoulder.

“Yes.”

“Sorry,” Teddy apologized, bowing at the waist before excusing himself.

James wanted to tell him to stop demeaning himself, that he didn’t need to bow, but held back. He watched Teddy step away through the crowd before turning back to Harry. The king led him out of the crowd to the wall, leaning towards James so their conversation would remain privately between them.

“What are you doing?” Harry demanded.

James shook his head. “What are you referring to?”

“Do you know how long you’ve been playing around?”

James' shoulders sagged. “Well I would if you were being less cryptic.”

“You’ve been ignoring the nobles and focusing your complete attention on Teddy. You danced with these girls for less than five minutes each.”

James sighed. “Dad I don’t want to dance with them. Isn’t this my coronation? Shouldn’t it be my choice who I dance with?”

“Give them a chance,” Harry insisted.

James shook his head. “No.” Harry looked dumbstruck, so James continued. “Dad, I don’t like women. Okay? How can you expect me to choose one of these strange girl to marry and knock up when I’m not even attracted to them?”

Harry scoffed. “So you expect to marry a man?”

“I expect you to let me make my own choices,” James said. “You may be the king right now, but you’re not in charge of my life. I want to be good for this country, but I also want to be happy. Shouldn’t you want that too?”

Harry rubbed his eyes with a hand. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m your son, not just your heir,” James hissed, barely able to keep his voice down. “Is it too much to ask that you act like a father rather than a king once in a while?”

Harry looked offended, but James was too frustrated to feel apologetic. He stared his father down and Harry stared right back. After a moment the older man seemed to relax, folding his arms and nodding.

“Alright,” he said.

James brightened. “It’s alright? You mean I don’t have to—”

“I understand your position,” Harry held his hand out to stop James, “but you need to understand mine as well. We have a law saying that if your brother or sister have children then they would be next in line for the throne, but that law is a contingency plan for if the crown prince can’t produce an heir first.”

“I don’t think I can,” James said.

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m prepared to give you leniency in this situation if only for the sake of your mental health. However, I need you to at least _try._ In some situations a royal may be allowed two partners, one for marriage and one for reproduction, but only for special circumstances.”

“Same sex coupling,” James guessed, and Harry nodded.

“But even in those circumstances, you still need to keep in mind that you need an heir.”

“What about Lily and Al?” James asked. “What if they have kids?”

Harry dropped his folded arms to his sides. “You still need to look for a woman who can mother a child.”

James pressed his lips into a tight line. “I get to choose who she is,” he said shakily, “and I get to choose the man.”

“Fine,” Harry agreed, his voice tense. “For the rest of the night I don’t want to see you dancing with anyone but the girls who took the time to travel all the way here to meet you. You’re right, this is your coronation, so let the people get to know the future king of Engryff.”

James sighed. “I wanted to talk to Teddy about something,” he argued.

Harry lifted his chin. “About what?”

“I’m worried about his headaches,” James said, and it wasn’t a lie.

Harry’s eyes were suspicious. “I said my piece,” he nodded towards the crowd. “You’ll have all the time in the world with Teddy after tonight. For now I expect you to act like the king you need to be when I’m gone. Am I understood?”

James nodded. “Can you give me a minute? I want to get some air and clear my head.”

“Do what you need to.”

James turned towards the glass doors that lead outside. It was dark out, but James could see millions of stars in the sky. If Teddy were with him he'd probably be able to point out every constellation, and he'd add a story to each one because that was just how he was. He'd done it before. When they were younger they used to spend hours under the night sky. James would snuggle against Teddy's side, staring wide eyed at the stars as Teddy told him stories about the constellations that he'd read in a book.

James walked up to the stone railing, folding his arms over the top and leaning against it as he tilted his head up to stare at the sky. The biting cold of the night air was clarifying, and for a moment James just stood there, thinking. He didn’t know if he should be happy or sad. Harry had given his consent for James’ preference towards marrying a man, but he was still expected to knock up some woman just for a child. He wasn’t wild about it, but he supposed he could worry about it later. After he'd finished talking to Teddy.

“Your majesty,” an unfamiliar male voice greeted from the steps that lead from the ground to where James was standing.

James looked up to see a short man shuffling up to him wearing a hastily patched black cloak. His hair was unkempt and balding at the front, and his face was drawn and somewhat aged while his eyes were a colorless blue. He definitely didn’t appear ready for a party. Maybe he was from town?

“Evening,” James greeted politely. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“I wanted to congratulate you,” the man said.

James smiled, lifting a hand to the crown on his head. “That’s kind of you.”

The man was acting fidgety and strange, leaning forward to peer into the castle. “You’re not celebrating?” He asked. “I expected you to be dancing.”

James shrugged, turning back to the railing. “I was. I just needed some air.”

“Air. Air is good.” The man shuffled closer until James could smell him.

He wouldn’t say it out loud, but it wasn’t a good smell.

“Majesty, why are you outside without your guard? This is your coronation and you’re the heir. You’ll never be more valuable than you are now.” James laughed and shook his head, but the smile fell when the man spoke again. “Or more vulnerable.”

James went to face the man, but the moment he turned, something hard hit him in the face. He didn't feel anything at first, but the punch was hard enough to have him reeling his head back. He heard a clatter as the crown fell from his head and hit the ground, his equilibrium going sideways as the man lunged at him, and his breath was forced out of his lungs when he hit the ground on his back. James was stunned by the sudden attack, and the man quickly climbed on top of him, his rotten scent overwhelming James' senses.

James choked as hands wrapped around his throat and immediately began to squeeze hard. He couldn’t breathe, but he tried to talk, punching at the man's chest. “Ted—” he choked, and the man grinned.

“I know him,” he said, squeezing harder. “He was our one failure. We swore not to make the same mistake again.” He tightened his grip and James opened his mouth with a gag, scratching his nails into the man’s wrist. “And we won't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update Scheduled: Monday, June 1st


	6. Bleeding Breathless

Teddy never realized how badly he'd needed to hear he had a home in Engryff. He already knew Kingsley wanted him there, and that the royal family treasured him as more than just a mere soldier. Even the king viewed him highly, or he never would have assigned him to be his heir's guard at such a young age. Yet there was always a lingering hint of doubt. A voice in his mind questioning if he really did belong there. So when James stated verbally that Teddy would always have a home there, it hit him deep.

Teddy didn’t want to leave James’ side when Harry interrupted their dance, and he was ashamed at the anger he felt towards him, but the last thing he would ever do was disobey a direct order from the king. He reluctantly wandered aimlessly through the crowd, making his way to the other side of the room and taking post near the wall.

He wanted to dance with James again, and hoped he’d get the chance.

“Excuse me.” A woman wearing a black gown with distinct green stitching had walked up to him during his silent contemplation. “I hope I’m not bothering you. You looked a little lonely standing here by yourself.”

Teddy shook his head. “Not really. I’m used to being a stationary soldier.”

“Are you waiting for someone?” She asked.

Teddy glanced around the room in search of Harry and James, giving a small nod. “I am.”

“Then would you like some company?”

Teddy eyed the woman as she offered her hand. His first instinct was to say no and claim he was busy guarding. Instead he gave her a forced smile. “Sure.”

Saying no to a noble could get him in trouble, after all.

“I’m Delphini,” the woman introduced. “You can call me Delphi. What’s your name?”

“Teddy.”

“I see,” her dark eyes glittered. “That’s unusual. Is it a nickname?”

Teddy’s mind blanked and his smile became strained. “I don’t know,” he answered.

“You don’t know?” Delphi mimicked, searching Teddy’s face with her eyes. “How curious. Why not ask your parents?”

Teddy cleared his throat. “I don’t have any.”

“Oh,” Delphi sounded sympathetic, but there was something off about her eyes. “I'm an orphan too. My parents were killed when I was just a baby. I inherited their money and estate.”

“I’m very sorry for your loss,” Teddy said.

“Don’t feel sorry. It happened a long time ago. There’s no way it could have been your fault.”

Teddy raised his chin before giving a nod. “I suppose that’s true, but I can still feel for your situation.”

Delphi laughed. “You’re sweet. It's hard to believe someone in your position would be so kind.”

Teddy stared at her suspiciously. “What position is that?”

Delphi shrugged. “You can’t remember what your name is. You can’t remember your parents. Not to mention you’re just a small time soldier.” She brightened. “No I’m wrong!” She removed her hand from Teddy’s shoulder to point at him. “You’re the crown prince’s personal guard! That makes you far more valuable.”

Teddy wasn’t enjoying the conversation anymore, but he continued to be polite. “My name is Teddy,” he said, “and I remember they loved me.”

“But you don’t remember _them,”_ Delphi clarified. “You don’t remember yourself either, do you?” She squinted, as if trying to see Teddy better. “I can tell. There’s a glaze to your eyes. Emptiness.”

Teddy looked away from Delphi, glaring at the floor until he’d managed to compose himself. “It doesn’t bother me.”

“Doesn’t it?” Delphi asked softly. “Don’t you want to know who you really are? Who your parents are?”

Teddy gave a bitter laugh. “I’m sure you conveniently know everything there is to know about me.”

“No, Teddy. I don’t know you at all.” Delphi’s eyes seemed to darken. “But I’m intrigued to discover who you were before.”

Teddy pulled his hands away from Delphi and took a step back. “I’m not,” he said. “Thank you for the dance. Please excuse me.”

“Of course.” Delphi curtsied. “I apologize if what I said bothered you. I’m a strict believer in finding the truth.”

“I already know my truth,” Teddy said, “and I’m satisfied with it.” He bowed like he was taught to do. “Have a good night.”

He turned and started walking away from Delphi. He hadn’t lied. He was satisfied with his life, and though he did sometimes wonder about what he couldn’t remember, he knew he couldn’t dwell on it. Teddy couldn’t change what he didn’t fully understand, so he didn’t try. He focused on what he had control over and embraced the things in life that made him happy.

James, for example.

Teddy was walking with his head down, so quickly that he wasn’t paying attention. He unintentionally bumped his shoulder against someone he attempted to pass, reaching an arm out instinctively to keep them from falling.

“I’m sorry,” Teddy apologized, panic racing through him when he realized he’d run into the Waluff queen. He stepped away, a hand gripping one edge of his cloak as he bowed yet again. “I am so sorry, your majesty. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

“No, no, it’s perfectly alright,” Tonks reassured. “I wasn’t looking either.” She stared at Teddy for a moment, observing him with curious eyes before finally speaking. “You’re an Engryff soldier. Right?”

Teddy nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

“You’re,” she pointed towards the doors, “the crown prince’s guard.”

“Yes,” Teddy confirmed. “I was assigned as the captain of his personal guard.”

“How many of you are there?” Tonks asked, and Teddy smiled tightly.

“Just me for now,” he admitted. “James— the crown prince, he’s supposed to choose the soldiers for his guard.”

“But he’s only chosen you,” Tonks guessed, and Teddy pressed his lips together with a shrug.

“It was the king who assigned me, actually.”

“Really?” Tonks looked surprised at that. “How old were you when you took the position?”

“Fifteen,” Teddy answered.

“That’s young,” Tonks murmured, staring at Teddy. “How old are you now?”

Teddy’s eyes wandered to his shoes, wracking his brain for the answer. “Twenty-five… or twenty-six.”

Tonks looked confused. “You don’t know?”

Teddy cleared his throat before meeting her eye. “Twenty-six. I’m twenty-six.”

The answer had some sort of effect on Tonks, who quickly looked down. She played with her wedding ring before nodding and smiling at Teddy. “That’s very young for a soldier.”

Teddy shrugged. “It’s all I’ve ever known.”

“You’ve been a soldier from birth?” Tonks asked playfully.

Teddy gave a soft laugh. “No. I started training when I was six.”

Tonks nodded, but she didn’t look very excited. “Do all Engryff soldiers start so young?” she asked.

“No,” Teddy answered immediately. “I was a special case.”

“Your parents gave the okay to train so young?”

Teddy reached up to scratch the scar across his eyebrow. “No, um… actually, Kingsley raised me. Being raised by someone who’s both the general of the military and the captain of the king’s guard, it was a given that he’d train me.”

“Kingsley,” Tonks repeated, looking around the room as if searching for the man. “He never mentioned having a kid.”

“Technically speaking I’m not his,” Teddy admitted. “He just raised me.”

“He never mentioned fostering a child either,” Tonks argued.

“You know him?”

“Of course,” Tonks laughed. “He’s my husband’s best friend. We haven’t seen him much since our wedding though. Waluff’s capital is on the coast far south from here. It takes days to travel from here to there.”

Teddy gave a delayed nod. A sudden sharp pain had grown behind his right eye. There was an image he swore he remembered. Rolling waves crashing into rocky cliffs, the scent of salt and sand, falling asleep to the sound of the ocean. It was silly, though, because he’d never seen the ocean before. He’d never even left the capitol.

Tonks looked concerned by the expression on Teddy’s face. “Are you okay?”

Teddy met her eye and nodded. “Sure. Yeah, I’m alright. Lost in thought.”

Tonks folded her arms, tugging at the shawl she was wearing. “May I ask you a question?”

“Yeah.” Teddy rubbed his scar again before dropping his hand. “Anything.”

Tonks chewed on her bottom lip and hesitated before speaking. “Who are your parents? Or who _were_ your parents?” Teddy frowned at the question, so Tonks changed it. “You said Kingsley raised you. How did you meet him?”

Teddy looked at the ground, tugging on his cloak. “Uh, he found me. Not far from here actually.” He nodded towards the open doors. “At the edge of the forest. That’s what he told me at least. I don’t remember that day very well.”

“You don’t?”

Teddy furrowed his brow, lifting a hand to rub at his scar once more. “There’s a lot I don’t remember,” he admitted. “My earliest memory is meeting Kingsley.”

It was night time, the sky was black, but Teddy could see out onto the stone porch thanks to the light casting through the open door from the ballroom. He saw it immediately when the light caught on the gold crown sitting on James' head, flashing against the rubies and diamonds adorning the head piece. Teddy wondered idly why James would be outside in the cold.

“What’s your name?” He barely heard Tonks.

His head was throbbing and his brow was furrowing, tilting his head so he could see the door. He noticed a strange man standing with James, draped in a dark cloak. Even from the distance he stood, Teddy could tell James’ body language was less than excited about the company.

“Teddy,” he answered finally. “My name’s… Teddy.”

“Teddy,” Tonks repeated in a soft voice. “I see. Teddy; this may be a strange question— are you sure you’re alright?”

“No,” Teddy answered, shuffling his feet towards the door. “Something’s not right.”

An instant later his instincts were proven. He had a clear view of the suspicious man throwing a fist into James’ face. The prince fell back and the cloaked man lunged after him. Teddy was running before Tonks could ask what he was talking about. His adrenaline raced in his veins as he pushed his way through the crowd, shoving people aside without a word. His full focus was on the cloaked man wrapping his filthy hands around James’ throat.

Anger blinded him as he got through the door, grabbing the man by the back of his cloak and physically hauling him off of James. He dragged the man away, winding his left arm around his stomach before hooking his right arm around his throat. James rolled onto his side the instant the pressure had been relieved, lifting a hand to his mouth and coughing harshly against it. Teddy's heart shattered to see James curled onto the ground with tears running down his face. He was so distracted by the desire to run to his prince that he didn't realize his grip on James' attacker had loosened until the man had thrown an elbow back.

He nailed Teddy in the stomach with a painful jab that had him grunting. The man jerked out of his arms and spun on his heel to face Teddy. A hand disappeared in his cloak, baring down at Teddy as the soldier gripped his stomach, hissing through his teeth. Colorless blue eyes leered at Teddy in searing resentment as the man brandished a dagger from his robes.

“You first, then.”

“Teddy,” James called in a weak voice.

Teddy spared him a glance, wanting to offer him a smile of reassurance, or verbally affirm that he could handle the bastard. The man lunged at him with the dagger aiming for his gut. Teddy was able to grab his wrist to keep the knife away, but when he took a step back his heel slipped. He fell, and the man went down with him, tumbling down the stone steps to the ground below.

Halfway down Teddy slammed his forehead into one of the steps, arms flailing as he fumbled the rest of the way down. He rolled onto his side, finally stopping once he'd reached the ground at the foot of the stairs. There was a loud buzz ringing in his ears, and he pinched his eyes closed, lifting a trembling hand to clutch his head with grunt. He could feel something hot and sticky stain his fingers, struggling to gain his composure enough to open his eyes. Teddy heard gentle laughter through the loud buzzing, coming from somewhere at the back of his mind. The familiar melody of his lullaby filled his ears before quickly being overwhelmed by the same buzz.

Someone grabbed his shoulder, and for a moment he thought Kingsley had come to help. That hope was dashed as he was forced onto his back, his sight barely clearing before the man from before punched him in the face. He was stronger than Teddy had expected. It took a few more punches to his face before Teddy could gather himself, grabbing the man by the arms to stop him. He swung his aching head up, slamming it into the man’s face.

A yelp of pained shock fell from the stranger's lips, and he fell away from Teddy. Blood poured from his crooked nose and out his mouth. When he'd sat back on the ground, Teddy threw his heel up, kicking the man in the face. Teddy realized his mistake when the man fell back and was placed in the perfect position to reach the knife he’d dropped. He snatched it from the ground and threw himself back at Teddy with a scream. One hand went to Teddy’s throat and squeezed, shoving Teddy to the ground. His head was aching, spinning, he could barely see straight. The man leaned close to Teddy, hissing to him.

“We messed up before, but you’re not escaping a second time.”

Teddy shut his eyes with a grunt. The man smelt rancid, and it made Teddy’s head hurt worse. He was dizzy, gritting his teeth against the pain and struggling to breathe. He saw the man lift his left arm through squinted eyes. The light from inside glinted off the edge of the crooked dagger blade. Teddy held his breath as the man’s sleeve slipped down, revealing a mark on his forearm. Teddy didn’t know what it was, but seeing that mark was like having a nail hammer into his skull. It threw him off, the strength seemed to bleed out of him, all he could do was grit his teeth in preparation for whatever came next.

“Hey!”

A familiar voice screamed, pulling the man’s attention away from Teddy just as an arrow came flying from the side, going straight through his hand. He dropped the knife with a scream and scrambled away from Teddy. Teddy took his eyes away from the man so he could roll onto his side, grabbing the knife before turning to face the attacker. Seconds had passed, but by the time Teddy was on his feet the stranger had disappeared. It was too dark to see further than a few feet, but Teddy noticed blood splattered in the dirt when he dropped his eyes to the ground. He tried to follow the trail, but couldn’t get more than a few steps before the pain in his head stopped him.

As much as he hated to admit it, he wasn't going to be able to go any further than this. He lifted a hand to touch his head, finding the source of the blood at his hairline and pressing his palm against it before turning to look back up the steps. He was relieved to see soldiers were running down the stairs to pursue the man who'd attacked them. A few of them patted Teddy on the back and congratulated him as they passed, but Teddy didn't feel very deserving of the praise.

Lily was the one standing at the top of the steps with a bow in one hand, a second arrow already knocked. Teddy wasn’t surprised she’d been the one to shoot. Harry was with James, his arms wrapped around the prince and physically holding him back. James was struggling in the king’s arms, beating at Harry's hands and trying to shove him away. Trying to get to Teddy.

Teddy dragged his feet as he started back towards the stairs, staggering with a grunt and clumsily lowering himself to the sit on the bottom step. He saw James tear away from Harry out of the corner of his eyes, despite how Harry tried to reach out and stop him. James ran down the steps and dropped in front of Teddy, reaching out to grab his face the instant he was close enough to touch him.

“Look at me,” he ordered in a strained voice.

Teddy wanted to look him over, to ensure his prince was otherwise unharmed, but his head hurt too badly. He shut his eyes and lifted his hand to his head, swaying a little where he sat on the step.

“No, no, no, hey, Teddy, you’re okay.” James wrapped an arm around Teddy’s shoulders and pulled him closer, his other hand raking through Teddy’s hair and cradling his head against his chest.

“What happened?” someone up the stairs demanded.

Lily was the one to answer. “Some guy in a cloak attacked James!”

“And you let him get away?”

As much as Teddy wanted to stay cuddled against James' chest, he decided to pull away. He lifted his head to look at the younger man, keeping a hand on his head so James wouldn't see the wound.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” James answered, his eyes sweeping over Teddy’s face, “but you’re bleeding.”

Teddy shook his head. “I’m alright.”

“Is your head hurting?”

Teddy almost didn’t want to answer, but it wasn't like he could lie when there was blood streaking down his face. “It’s not as bad as it looks.” Teddy looked up the stairs when he heard footsteps, watching Kingsley hike down and kneel beside him when he was close enough. “I’m fine,” Teddy reiterated.

Kingsley put an arm around his shoulders and held his chin in his hand, turning his head to the side to see where the blood was coming from. “You got hit bad. How’s your head?”

Teddy just shut his eyes as the older soldier doted on him. “I’m okay, Kingsley.”

“Let’s get you to Poppy.”

Teddy pulled his hand away from his head to wrap his arm around Kingsley’s shoulders, wincing as Kingsley heaved him to his feet. James instantly glued himself to Teddy’s right side, wrapping his arm around Teddy’s waist and pressing his other hand against his stomach. Teddy hooked his right arm around James' shoulders, squeezing him once in an attempt to show he was okay. Teddy could feel the warmth from James' palm seeping through his shirt to sink into his skin. It was comforting. James and Kingsley both helped Teddy stagger up the steps until they were in the light of the castle again, joining the small group that had gathered at the door.

“Did you get that knife from that man?” Lily asked.

Teddy stared at her for a moment, wondering what she was referring to and not realizing she was addressing him at first. Eventually he looked at his right hand where he was still gripping the handle of the jagged knife. His brow furrowed, and he turned the knife to see the flat of the blade better. Carved into it was the same mark that had been branded on the man’s forearm. A skull with a snake coming out of its mouth. Pain shot through his skull and the edges of his vision went blurry as his breathing became ragged. He could hear James' voice calling to him as the hand on his stomach rubbed soothingly across his aching ribs.

“I’ve seen this before,” Teddy said in a weak voice. “I’ve seen it.”

“Where?” Harry asked. When Teddy didn't answer him, he walked closer to stand in front of him, asking again. “Where have you seen it?”

Teddy loosened his grip on the handle, letting the knife fall from his hand. He heard it clatter against the stone and his vision spun. His weak legs felt like jelly, and his head lolled to the side as he struggled to stay conscious. James squeaked something desperate from his side, frantically asking if he was okay. Harry reached out to hold chin and lift his face to keep their gazes locked. He shook Teddy as if to keep him awake.

“Where have you seen this before?!”

“Dad, stop!” James shoved Harry away from Teddy.

Teddy sagged between Kingsley and James, his pounding head drooping and his chin hitting his chest. He heard James call for him and Kingsley tightened his grip around his back, but a moment later his vision went completely black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that I have your attention:  
> BLACK LIVES MATTER  
> Good day.
> 
> Next Update Scheduled: Monday, June 8th


	7. King Consort

The night was meant to celebrate two things; James' coronation as well as his twentieth birthday. His father's gift to him was the crown, but there were others in the ballroom. Wrapped parcels and presents from his people as well as the obligatory coronation congratulatory gifts that the other royals had brought for him. James was less than interested in seeing what everything was, because for most of the night his focus had been on struggling through dances with noble bachelorettes, and trying to get some alone time with Teddy. He wondered if other coronations had been completely ruined by a lunatic slipping out of the shadows to strangle the crown prince. His throat still hurt, and he knew his voice would be scratchy if he tried to speak.

His concern over his own attack was overshadowed by the panic that engulfed him when Teddy tumbled down the stairs. The soldier had appeared just moments before James had blacked out, tearing the man away and dragging him back, going a step too far and disappearing down the steps. James had gasped, scrambling to his feet and leaning over the railing to search for Teddy. He caught sight of him struggling with the cloaked figure just at the foot of the stairs. James tried to run down to help after the man punched Teddy the first time, but Harry stopped him before he could. It was hard to watch, and James wondered if Teddy could hear him screaming for him. Fear blinded him when the man held his knife up. He kicked at Harry's feet and legs to free himself, but the king was stronger than one would have imagined, keeping a firm hold on James.

That's when Lily had appeared. James had no idea where she'd gotten the bow and arrows, but she wasted no time at all. It must have been interesting to have the Engryff princess physically shove you aside so she could stand at the top of the steps, holding one arrow in her mouth before knocking the second. Albus was the one to call out "hey" in order to get the man's attention, and the second he turned his head, Lily loosed the arrow. James was dumbstruck watching the arrow go straight through the man's hand, making him drop the knife with a scream before scrambling away from Teddy. He gaped back up the stairs before something angry and resentful crossed his features. He held his hand to his chest and fled towards the gates, disappearing into the shadows before Teddy had even gotten to his feet.

James turned to stare at Lily, who was slowly lowering the bow. "Where did you get that?" James asked, and Lily gave him a wide eyed look.

"Someone brought it for you, I think," she admitted, pointing into the ballroom. "It was with your other birthday gifts. Lucky break, actually. None of the soldiers were carrying bows tonight, just swords."

James nodded slowly before looking back down at Teddy. He managed to jerk himself out of the king's arms and hiked down the steps to where his guard had slumped over. With Kingsley's help he was able to drag Teddy back to the platform of the balcony, but he passed out hanging between them. James couldn’t keep a good hold on Teddy, he was too tall and heavy, so he was forced to pull away. He stubbornly stayed close to Teddy's side, though he was no longer supporting his weight, watching with a worried gaze as Kingsley readjusted his hold around Teddy. He sent a furious look to Harry, who'd been unhelpfully screaming at Teddy seconds before he'd passed out. Harry looked sheepish, but he didn't apologize.

"What the hell happened?" Draco was asking as he shouldered his way through the crowd with his wife, Astoria.

Lily looked at him, hands on her hips. "I literally _just_ said someone attacked Jamie!"

Draco looked taken aback, but James couldn't tell if it was because the Engryff princess had just snapped at him, or because she'd just revealed someone had attacked the crown prince. The Scythan king reached out to where Scorpius was standing a few steps in front of him, dragging him back and placing him protectively between himself and Astoria. Scorpius looked confused and upset, but didn't argue when his mother wrapped her arm around him.

Kingsley turned his head to where Cormac was standing behind Lily. “McLaggen, take your men into the city and see if you can find who did this.”

"He shouldn't be hard to miss," Albus supplied, holding his hand up. "He'll have an arrow in his left hand."

"So much for a night off," Cormac muttered under his breath. He waved for his group to gather before starting down the steps.

Lily stepped over to James, crouching down to retrieve the knife that Teddy had dropped. Her brow furrowed as she turned it in her hands a few times. "What is this?"

“That’s a knife, Lil,” Albus answered.

Lily got to her feet and pointed the blade in his direction. “Shut up before I stab you with it. I meant what's _on_ the knife. There's a carving of a skull, and it looks pretty old."

Kingsley tensed up with a heavy frown, his brow drawing down. “A skull,” he repeated. James didn't like the expression on his face, or the way he turned his head away, looking around until he caught sight of who he wanted. "Colin, Dean, bring Teddy to Madam Pomfrey. Be careful with his head."

The two soldiers scrambled to help, taking Teddy from Kingsley and lifting him haphazardly by his shoulders and his legs before carrying him into the castle. James bounced on his heels to keep from hurrying after them, not quite liking the way they were holding Teddy. They could drop him if they weren't careful. Instead he stayed glued to the spot, watching as Kingsley took the knife from Lily, stepping into the ballroom so he could see better.

James followed at his heels, and was able to catch sight of the strange image Lily had mentioned when Kingsley turned the knife in his hands. The light caught against the carving: a skull with a snake coming out of it's mouth, slithering down to the tip of the blade. He took a quick step back and lifted his eyes when Kingsley turned to face the rest of them. His expression had gone dark, and James' throat closed up in anxiety.

He strode up to Harry and spoke in a low voice, but James was close enough to hear what he was saying. “Close the gates and lock them. Get your family inside the castle and triple security.”

“What?” Harry gaped at Kingsley. He reached for the knife, but the General held it away from him. “What’s going on?”

“I’m not sure, but this symbol is not good. Someone from a very dangerous organization attacked the prince.”

“Why?” Harry demanded, and Kingsley held the knife up.

“They’re trying to remove Engryff’s heirs to weaken the country.”

Harry’s demeanor changed drastically when he focused on the knife, reaching out to take it from Kingsley and sliding his thumb against the flat of the blade. He pressed his lips together. “Deatheaters.”

Draco visibly cringed, reaching over to grab his left arm as Astoria reached down to take his hand in hers. Tonks was covering her mouth with a hand, and Remus stepped closer to her to wrap an arm around her shoulders, his jaw set. Even Luna looked uncomfortable, holding Lorcan in a tight hug like she was scared of letting him go.

“The group of rebels from thirty years ago?” Rolf asked, his brow furrowed. “They tried to wipe out the royal families so they could take over as a dictatorship under one king.”

“You think they’re trying again?" Draco asked.

Harry handed the knife back to Kingsley. “I want guards stationed at every door. Shut the gates and make sure there's at least one detail out in the city to protect the people. James,” he turned to the prince, who hadn’t moved an inch since coming back inside, “go to your room and stay there. I’m sending a full guard to your door since your only personal is currently unconscious.”

James bristled. “He got hurt protecting me.”

“Then he did his job,” Harry turned away and James opened his mouth to snap at him.

Albus grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back, slapping a hand over James' mouth and shaking his head. James forced himself to calm down, pushing Albus' hand aside and pressing his lips together, glaring at his younger brother in frustration. Albus didn't look very bothered by James' anger, squeezing his arm once before releasing him.

"It's not worth it," he said in a low voice.

James wanted to yell at him that Teddy was the only thing in the world worth anything to him. Instead he turned to glare at the floor, lifting his head when someone tapped on his shoulder. Scorpius had wandered over to him, holding out James' crown. James had forgotten the headpiece had fallen off before when he'd been punched in the face.

“You dropped this," Scorpius said, holding it towards James.

Part of James didn’t even want it, but he forced himself to reach out and accept it anyway. “Thank you,” he offered a tight smile. “I’m sorry this happened.”

Scorpius shook his head. “It wasn’t your fault. You’re the one who got attacked. Your voice is a little…” He tapped his throat, wincing sympathetically. “You should have your physician take a look at it.”

James lifted a hand to rub his throat, smiling and nodding. “That's probably a good idea.”

He started backing away, watching as Albus turned to face the Scythan heir.

"We haven't met." He held his hand out for Scorpius, who looked excited that someone was talking to him.

"Oh, yes! We haven't! Hello!" Scorpius eagerly reached out to take Albus' hand.

"Albus. Al. I'm— my name is Albus."

"Hi Scorpius." Scorpius looked instantly horrified and embarrassed. "I mean, I'm Scorpius. You're Albus. I'm Scorpius."

James struggled to fight off the smile that was threatening to break over his face, turning his back to leave the two prince's alone. He didn't bother putting the crown back on as he passed Lily, smiling at her.

“That was a good shot,” he praised, leaning closer to kiss her cheek and whispering so only she could hear him. “Thank you for protecting him.”

Lily reached up to squeeze James’ cheek. “You’re transparent, Jamie. Of course I’m gonna protect my future brother-in-law."

James rolled his eyes as Lily laughed. “Keep that to yourself for now, would you?”

“Whatever you say.”

Harry attempted to stop James on his way to the hall, taking the crown from his hands and settling it back onto his head. “Going to bed?”

James stepped away from him, lifting a hand to touch the headpiece and walking past Harry. “I’m going to see Madam Pomfrey. Considering I was strangled a few minutes ago.”

“I’ll have a soldier escort you,” Harry said.

“No thank you,” James turned Harry down before he could wave someone over. “The only guard I want is already conveniently in the infirmary.” Harry looked annoyed, but James ignored his expression as he smiled at the others gathered around. “Have a good night.”

James went straight to the cot where Teddy was lying when he reached the infirmary. He took a seat on the edge of the bed, reaching a hand out to caress the side of Teddy's face. There was light bruising forming on his cheek, and Poppy had secured a plaster over the wound on left side of Teddy's head. He didn't look paler than usual, and he looked comfortable, but James was still anxious.

“Is he okay?” James asked, undoing the top few buttons of the shirt he was wearing so Poppy could reach his neck.

“He’s resting peacefully,” Poppy answered, gently prodding at James’ throat with her fingers. “Gratefully he didn't hit his head very hard, and the cut at his hairline isn't as deep as I thought. He’ll wake up soon.”

“He’s been getting a lot of migraines lately,” James murmured. “Do you know why?”

Poppy looked uneasy. “I’m afraid not. It seems like a psychological ailment more than something physical.”

“Stress,” James guessed. “That’s what Teddy said it was.”

“That's possible, but I don’t think he really understands either. Poor child,” Poppy stared sadly down at Teddy. “He’s been through so much.”

James reached out to hold Teddy's hand where it was lying against his stomach. “I’ll take care of him.”

Poppy smiled. “I know you will, sweetheart.”

She brought him a cup of warm tea with the promise it would help his throat feel better, and by the time he'd emptied the cup James was pleased to find she'd been correct. The pain had numbed from the heat, leaving him relaxed and able to breathe without gasping. He sat with Teddy for almost an hour, stroking his thumb over the back of his guard's hand, before he finally started to wake up. His head was rolling on the pillow as a murmur came from his lips, his brow furrowing and his eyes snapping open with a gasp. He sat straight up, a hand flying to his head.

“Teddy,” James grabbed Teddy's shoulder to calm him down, moving one hand to hold the side of his face. “It’s me, it’s James. You’re okay.”

Teddy was gasping for breath, his unfocused eyes searching James’ face. He looked frightened and confused, but seemed to recognize James after a moment. He shut his eyes with a sigh, his shoulders sagging. He reopened his eyes to look at James with a particular emotion in his gaze. “You’re okay." He reached up to touch James’ neck and throat tenderly with both of his hands. “Can you breathe?”

“Madam Pomfrey gave me something, so I can't feel it right now. How’s your head? Do you remember what happened?”

Teddy’s eyes wandered to stare off to the side in contemplation. He nodded slowly. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen that man before,” he admitted.

“Before you passed out you said you’d seen _something_ before. The knife I think?”

Teddy gave him a confused look. “I said that?”

“You don’t remember?” James asked.

Teddy stared past James. “I don’t know. My head started to hurt out of nowhere. There was a ring in my ears.” He shook his head. “I could smell something.”

“Smell?” James questioned, moving his hand from Teddy's face to rub his arm and reach down to hold his hand, squeezing his fingers.

Teddy nodded. “It was sour. I don’t know, I—when I smelt it I saw… something.”

James opened his mouth to respond, thinking better of it before standing up. As much as he wanted to know what was going through Teddy's mind, he didn't want to push him. Especially after getting hit in the head the way he had. Poppy said he would be fine, that Teddy didn't need to rest much and could return to his duties the following morning, but James still worried.

“You should get some sleep in a real bed. Come on.”

Teddy nodded, moving slowly to the edge of the cot and getting to his feet. James took his arm to help him up, wrapping an arm around his waist and leading him towards the door.

“Where is Madam Pomfrey?” Teddy asked.

James rubbed the small of his back with his hand. “She went to check on the other guests. I’m going to take you to bed.”

Teddy pointed down the hall. “My room’s that way.”

“I know,” James laughed. “We’re going to my room.”

Teddy furrowed his brow. “I’m not permitted in your bedroom.”

“Why, because the king said so?” James snorted. “He doesn’t get to tell you what to do, Teddy. You’re too important to blindly follow orders.”

“That’s why I’m resting in your room?”

“If you need an excuse, I got strangled tonight. I’m scared of being alone.”

Teddy squeezed his arm around James as if that was the perfect excuse. “Okay. Okay, I’ll stay with you.”

James smiled, rubbing his cheek against Teddy’s shoulder. When they reached his bedroom door, Teddy tried to open it for James, but the prince moved faster. It made him feel a different kind of pride to hug Teddy against his side while pushing the door open and leading the soldier into the room. He locked the door when it was closed before helping Teddy over to the elegant canopy bed.

“Wait here. I’ll start a fire.”

Teddy went to stand. “I should do that.”

“My bedroom, my rules,” James nagged, waiting for Teddy to reluctantly sit back down. He quickly lit a fire in the hearth before stepping to the far side of the room where his vanity sat, removing the crown from his head. "Make yourself comfortable," he coaxed.

James watched Teddy through the reflection of his mirror, noting the way he hesitated when he reached up to the medallion holding his cloak around his shoulders. He stared as Teddy began to undress, drawing the cloak from around his shoulders and leaning over to pull off his boots. He looked uncertain and shy, setting his boots in front of a chair set beside the bed, then folded his cloak before setting it on the chair. James swallowed the knot in his throat, staring at Teddy as he pulled off his tunic, leaving him in a loose white undershirt and pants.

His eyes shifted to look towards James, who quickly dropped his eyes and acted as if he hadn't been openly watching his guard strip. He set the crown on his vanity before looking at his own reflection, threading the strings of precious metal from the braids in his hair and snapping out the barrettes.

“I talked to his royal majesty,” he said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. He dropped the strings of gold and platinum into a jewelry dish. “He agreed to let me choose my own partner.” He started pulling off his rings. “He still wants me to find a girl, but I have more freedom than I did before."

“So what are you planning to do with that freedom?”

James looked back at Teddy through the reflection of the mirror. He'd moved back to sit on the bed, leaning against the pillows with his legs stretched over the mattress. He was watching James with tired, curious eyes, but James was just happy he seemed to be letting himself relax a little. James dropped the last ring onto the vanity, keeping his gold ring on his index finger. He pulled off the cloak he’d been wearing, then the red tunic, leaving him in just the lightweight white dress shirt and black pants.

He climbed onto the bed to get closer to Teddy. The soldier’s face went blush red, sitting up and pulling himself higher towards the headboard. James sat as close to Teddy as could get, facing the man and reaching up, stroking Teddy's jaw with his fingertips. Teddy watched him silently as James gave him a confident smile.

“I’m going to make a decision that my father can't argue with," James said. "He gave me his word, and he has no right to go back on it; but I said before. I want you to be the one to make the first move.”

Teddy reached up to stroke his thumb across the mark around James’ throat and neck. “If I do, things might change between us. Can I still protect you if that happens?”

James leaned closer, putting his hands against Teddy's shoulders and pressing their foreheads together. “You’re the only one I would ever trust to protect me.”

Teddy stared at him, his eyes growing dark in want. “And you don’t think it’s wrong to want to do more than just protect you?”

James laughed. “Remember I’m the one who kissed you first?”

Teddy glanced at James’ mouth before returning to his eyes. “I remember.”

James smiled tenderly, brushing Teddy’s fringe from his eyes. “You were my first friend, my best friend… but would you hate me if I asked you to be more than just my friend?”

Teddy seemed to swallow down his anxiety, his gaze moving rapidly from James’ eyes to his mouth, then back up. “What do you want instead?”

“I still want a friend,” James chuckled, holding Teddy’s face between his hands. “But would you hate me if I asked you to be my king consort in addition to that?”

Teddy hesitated. Their faces were close enough that James could see every color in Teddy's eyes. The shades of blue, green, and violet were blended together in a chaotic swirl. James watched him eagerly, desperately waiting for a response. He shut his eyes when Teddy lifted a hand to hold his face, pushing his cheek into Teddy’s warm palm and smiling.

“You can kiss me,” James said, opening his eyes halfway to watch Teddy. “You can do whatever you want with me.”

“I want to protect you,” Teddy said, and he appeared dramatically confused about his own feelings.

James turned his face to press a kiss against Teddy’s hand. “That’s all you want to do?”

Teddy opened and closed his mouth dumbly before managing to vocally respond. “I want to kiss you.”

“Then kiss me,” James consented, cradling the back of Teddy’s neck.

Teddy did nothing for a moment, as if he was still debating his next move. When he held James’ face and pulled him in, James shut his eyes. His hands moved from Teddy's shoulders to hold his neck, parting his lips to deepen the kiss. Teddy’s hands were slow to explore James, nervously touching him wherever his fingers could reach. Eventually his left hand settled against the small of James' back, his right hand pressing against James' chest as if he wanted to feel his heartbeat.

James broke the kiss so he could breathe, bumping his nose against Teddy's and panting. For a moment they stared at each other, until James leaned back, reaching up to the collar of his shirt. He kept eye contact with Teddy as he started to slowly undo the buttons down his shirt. He pushed himself onto his knees, throwing one leg over Teddy to straddle his lap, leaning forward to press another passionate kiss onto the soldier's mouth.

He finished undoing the buttons of his shirt, shrugging it off his shoulders and dropping it over the side of the bed before reaching down and pulling up Teddy’s shirt. Teddy didn't protest, leaning forward to help James slip the shirt over his head and push it aside. James pressed a hand against Teddy’s bare chest, kissing his mouth hard and raking the fingers of his other hand through Teddy’s hair. Teddy finally seemed to respond to what was happening, holding James by his waist and pulling him closer. He scattered kisses from James’ mouth, across his cheek to his ear.

“What do you want me to do?” Teddy whispered.

James held the back of Teddy’s head, his chest heaving from his panting breaths. He pulled back and held Teddy’s face so their eyes could meet. “If my dad is going to force me to sleep with a woman to have kids, then fine. I don’t care.” He shook his head, smiling tightly with tears in his eyes. “But I don’t want her to have me first. I want my first time to be with someone I actually love. Someone who loves me back. Me, not my crown or my status.”

“And you want it to be me?” Teddy asked softly in disbelief.

James nodded. “If you’re interested.” He looked down, clearing his throat. “But like I said, it’s your choice. I want you to make the first move.”

“Why me?” Teddy asked.

James laughed. “Because I already know what I want,” he explained. “I already know how I feel about you. I know that I want this with you, but you need to want it too. We both need to consent to making this long term.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Teddy rubbed circles into James’ bare sides with his thumbs. “I do want this, I just meant… why _me?_ You could have anyone. There are plenty of attractive noble men who are eligible.”

“But they’re not you,” James argued. “I don’t even know them, but you… I know you well enough to know I can love you forever." He pushed a strand of Teddy's hair away from his face. "There’s no one like you, Teddy.”

“And that’s enough?” Teddy asked.

James kissed him chastely. “It’s more than enough.”

Teddy sighed against James' lips, nodding. “Then it’s enough for me, too.”

James wrapped his arms around Teddy and deepened the kiss. Teddy held James by the hips, gently lying him on his back and rolling on top of him. James held Teddy’s face as they kissed, breaking the connection between their lips in order to smile up at the soldier.

“I know you probably have more experience than me,” he teased, laughing at Teddy’s subtle wince of embarrassment. “This is my first time.” He swallowed anxiously. “Be gentle.”

Teddy slid his thumb across James’ lips. James parted them, savoring the sensation that was quickly followed by another soft kiss. Teddy watched him with tender eyes, a hand moving to stroke down his chest and stomach. James gave a sharp inhale, fingers twisting into the sheets beside his head and watching Teddy with wide, excited eyes.

"I will," Teddy promised, and James shut his eyes, digging his head into the pillows and letting himself give in to the want and desire he never knew would one day overwhelm him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update Scheduled: Monday, June 15th


	8. Glimpses of Shadow

The bed in James’ room was far softer than the one in Teddy’s. It was clearly built for luxury, every curve of Teddy's body felt like it was being tenderly cushioned. The silk sheets were smooth and cool, and the duvet had a gentle weight that seemed to mimic a secure embrace. Teddy laid beneath the covers on his side completely nude, and the shared body heat between he and James was wonderful. Teddy had never felt so satisfied and relaxed in his life.

Dancing with James was one thing, but sleeping with him had been a completely different experience. Maybe because James had never had sex before. His body was responsive and his voice was sinful, one taste and Teddy couldn't get enough. He already knew James was special, but it wasn’t until that night that he was convinced every part of James was pure perfection.

James fit perfectly in Teddy’s arms, snoring against his chest with his head tucked beneath the soldier's chin. Teddy imagined he must have been a little too enthusiastic for James’ first time. The prince had been worn down to exhaustion, passing out almost immediately after making love, bonelessly snuggled against Teddy.

Teddy loved it, holding James like this, but as comfortable as he was, he couldn’t seem to sleep. Whatever medicine Poppy had given him had started to wear off, and his head was aching steadily. Not enough to have him buckled over, but it was still annoying. Being unable to fall asleep left him alone at night with nothing but his thoughts, and that was really the last thing he wanted to deal with.

He couldn’t get the image of that night out of his head. Seeing James lying helplessly on the ground with a strange man sitting on top of him. Age spotted hands wrapped around his neck and throat and squeezing so hard he left marks. Each time Teddy looked down James to ensure he was still comfortable, the bruise around his neck and throat seemed to be darker. It would probably be black and blue by the morning.

Not including the love bites and hickies on his neck and shoulders that Teddy had kissed into his skin during their lovemaking.

James smelled like a blend of flowers and sex. It was a familiar scent, but at the same time entirely unique. It was genuinely better than anything Teddy had smelled before. He buried his face in James’ hair, breathing in his scent and pressing a kiss against the crown of his head. The natural aroma he gave off made Teddy’s migraine subside, if only a little, so Teddy kept his mouth and nose hidden in the prince's hair.

He still didn’t know why his head was hurting so badly. The migraine had been coming and going on and off since the caravan had shown up. It had to be from the stress. Made worse after watching the person he loved most get attacked. He didn't suspect slamming his head against the stone steps had helped much, either.

The mark on that man’s arm sparked something in Teddy’s memories, but the more he tried to clarify what it was, the more his head hurt. His mind wouldn’t let him remember how he recognized the mark, but he still tried.

James shifted in Teddy’s arms, rolling onto his back. Teddy buried his face halfway into his pillow when he sensed James was waking up. He felt the mattress sink before a hand stroked up his shoulder to his neck and into his hair.

“I know you’re awake,” James said in a groggy voice.

Teddy furrowed his brow before rolling his head and peeling his eyes open. “How?”

“Because you snore,” James revealed. He was lying on his side facing Teddy, rubbing the heel of his palm into his eye and yawning. “Did you sleep?”

“How could I?” Teddy slid a thumb across James’ cheek. “I was too busy watching _you_ sleep.”

James smiled dreamily, stroking the backs of his fingers down Teddy’s ribs. His smile slowly fell, his eyes searching Teddy’s face. “You’re bruised up,” he noted, looking down and gently feeling over the heavy bruising on Teddy’s ribs and stomach. “Are you okay?”

“Can’t hardly feel it,” Teddy promised, touching the bruise around James’ neck and throat. “What about you?”

James gave a quick smile, rubbing his throat. “A little sore, but I think it’s unrelated to the strangulation.”

Teddy snorted. “On that note, is your body okay?”

James hummed, moving onto his back and stretching his arms above his head, folding them behind his neck. “Sore again,” he replied, rolling his head to look at Teddy, “but in a good way this time.”

Teddy reached out to stroke a hand over James' stomach. “I didn’t hurt you?” He asked, and James shook his head.

“A little discomfort,” he said, shifting around under the covers. “It was good though, for my first time.” He grinned at Teddy. “I guess there’s no question what gender I’m more attracted to now.”

“Really?” Teddy chuckled. “Are you planning on telling your father that, or am I supposed to?”

“Don’t laugh at me, it’s mean,” James pouted.

Teddy reached up to brush James’ hair away from his face. “I wouldn’t laugh at you.”

“Yeah you would,” James argued. “Which is fine, but still mean.”

Teddy shifted closer to kiss James tenderly on the lips, moving his hand down to James' chest. James smiled against Teddy’s mouth, reaching up to hold the back of his head. They stared at each other when they broke apart, until Teddy smiled back at James. He stared into his amber eyes, counting the freckles decorating his cheeks.

“You’re beautiful, you know?”

James arched an eyebrow. “Not handsome?”

Teddy rolled his eyes but played along, shaking his head. “Nope. Just beautiful.”

“Rude.”

“You’re the one with bad taste.”

“Wow, _very_ rude.” Teddy chuckled as James rolled onto his side to face the soldier. He looked thoughtful for a moment before speaking. “I didn’t want to ask earlier, but do you remember what you said before passing out? About the mark on the man’s knife?”

Teddy furrowed his brow, slipping an arm beneath the pillow at his head. He didn’t have to debate whether or not to speak. He trusted James enough to have this discussion with him. “I’ve been getting frequent migraines ever since the caravan showed up. As if something triggered the memories that have been locked inside for the past twenty years.”

James lifted his head from the pillow, propping himself up on his elbow. “Wait. You’re saying you remember your past?”

Teddy shook his head. “No, but there must be a reason I recognized that mark.”

“Kingsley mentioned it was a symbol from a rebellion that was active before we were even born.”

“It was basically a cult,” Teddy said, “but I don’t think that’s why I recognized it.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “I think I’ve seen it before in person.” He shook his head. “Why else would I respond to seeing it the way I did?”

“How did you respond to it?” James asked uneasily.

Teddy shut his eyes. “I felt fear. Seeing that mark triggered fear so intense I couldn’t move." He relaxed when he felt a hand on his head, fingers carding through his hair. "That’s why I couldn’t get that man off. Why Lily had to shoot him in the hand. I couldn’t fight back by myself.”

“You were too scared,” James whispered, and Teddy nodded.

“I don’t understand why.”

James laid back down, pulling the covers and duvet up before reaching out to stroke Teddy’s arm. “Maybe it does have something to do with your past,” he said. “When Kingsley and my uncle found you, your head was split open and your clothes were in ruins. No one knew where you came from or what had happened to you. Maybe you were hurt by someone with the same skull and snake mark.”

Teddy opened his eyes to stare at James. “Yeah,” he agreed. “That would make sense, wouldn’t it?”

“Feeling automatic fear could be a defensive response,” James continued. “It could be a good thing, but at the same time maybe you shouldn’t look into it. If the trauma is bad enough that it makes you so debilitated you pass out, then maybe you forgot for a good reason.”

“You don’t think I should at least try to remember?” Teddy asked, and James shook his head.

“Not if it’s going to hurt you.” He leaned closer to kiss Teddy before cuddling against his chest. He wrapped his arms around Teddy’s waist, trailing his fingertips slowly up and down Teddy’s spine. “I know you want to know, but it’s obvious that what happened to you was bad. Your mind is trying to protect you.”

“Yeah,” Teddy agreed with a sigh, stroking his fingers through James’ hair. “I suppose if I had to choose between understanding my past and staying with you, I would choose you first.”

James pressed his face against Teddy’s chest, squeezing his arms around his waist. “I love you.”

Teddy smiled, nestling his chin in James’ hair. “As a friend?”

“Yes, Teddy, as a friend. That’s why we’re both naked right now. Because friends sleep together naked all the time.”

Teddy laughed, but he’d settled for only a moment before groaning, rubbing a hand over his face. “Damn it.”

“What?” James murmured against Teddy’s chest, already half asleep.

“I have to be up before dawn to walk the perimeter with Kingsley.”

“You haven’t even slept.”

“I’ve worked on less than that,” Teddy reassured, sighing reluctantly. “I just can’t be late.”

“Try to sleep for a few hours at least.”

“I will. I’m just glad I remembered. I’ll have to leave you before you wake up. Have to get my armor from my room.”

“Fine,” James said in a pouting voice. “But not yet. Hold me for a little longer. You’re warm.”

“Just for a little,” Teddy chuckled, shutting his eyes.

He didn’t exactly sleep, but he fell into a half conscious rest. Deep enough that he began to dream. At least he thought he was dreaming.

His mind blanked, and though he knew he was still in bed with James, what he saw was trees. He was stumbling through a forest, his lungs were burning as if he was running. The scent of mud and rain was overwhelming, and the right side of his head was throbbing in pain. There were shouts coming from behind him, triggering a visceral panic that had his heart thundering in his chest.

All he understood was he had to keep running, because if he stopped then the people chasing him were going to hurt him. He was scared, the path in front of him was blurred by his tears, but he didn’t stop running. Instead he moved faster, sobbing and staggering, until the ground seemed to disappear from under him, sending him into a freefall. He jerked awake the instant he hit the rushing water below the cliff.

His chest heaved in a struggle for a good breath, pinching his eyes closed in an attempt to compose himself. It took him a moment to calm down, looking to the side where James was still in a dead sleep. The sky outside was starting to lighten, but it wan't yet sunrise. He gave a heavy sigh, turning and leaning over James to place a kiss on his cheek, stroking a hand through his hair and kissing the edge of his mouth.

Teddy then slipped out of the bed, pulling the covers over James. He quietly picked his clothes up from where they'd landed on the floor the night before, getting dressed before leaving the room.

He met Kingsley outside after retrieving his armor from his room, and the two of them walked the inside perimeter of the walls surrounding the castle. A second group was walking the outer perimeter, and according to Kingsley there was an entire detail of soldiers in town, searching for any sign of the man who’d attacked the prince.

Teddy kept thinking of what James had said hours earlier. How he didn’t want Teddy to look into his past if it would just hurt him. Teddy couldn’t help it, though, especially after the dream he’d had. The nightmare.

“Can I ask you something?” Teddy scuffed his heels against the ground as he walked, passing his silver coin from one hand to the other.

Kingsley gave a hum. “Of course.”

“When you found me... was there anything at all that could tell you who I am?”

“You’re Teddy,” Kingsley answered.

Teddy sighed, dropping his right hand to his side before propping his left hand against the hilt of his sword. “I meant who I was before I came here.”

Kingsley put a hand on Teddy’s shoulder. “No. I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you. I can’t even imagine how difficult it is to live without a single idea of who you were in the past.”

“It didn’t bother me before,” Teddy argued, rubbing his forehead. “Lately I’ve been getting these horrible migraines, and I can’t help but think it’s because my mind doesn’t _want_ me to remember.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t remember,” Kingsley said, and Teddy sighed.

“That’s exactly what James said.”

“He’s a smart kid.”

Teddy rubbed the flat of the coin with his thumb, picking at the frayed leather around the handle of his sword with his left hand. “I had a strange dream last night,” he said. “It felt so real. What if it was a memory? Maybe I remembered something.”

Kingsley stopped walking and faced Teddy. “Tell me about it,” he urged.

Teddy turned to him with an incredulous expression. “Look I know it sounds absurd. The odds of remembering something after twenty years—”

“You’ve always been exceptional,” Kingsley interrupted. “The last thing I want is for you to hurt yourself by overthinking your situation, but if you’re set on remembering, then I’ll help you. If I can.”

Teddy stared at Kingsley, nodding and looking at the ground between them. He continued to play with the coin in his hand.

“What was the dream about?” Kingsley urged again.

Teddy stared down at the coin, turning it over a few times before speaking. “I was in a forest,” he started. “It looked like Engryff, but I’m not really sure. I was running,” he lifted his hand to his scar, “and my head was hurting. I think from… maybe when I got this. I think maybe it happened right after I hurt my head. The running through the forest I mean.”

Kingsley looked uneasy, reaching out to squeeze Teddy’s arm. “What else?”

Teddy furrowed his brow, pressing his lips in a thin line. “I could hear someone yelling behind me. A group of people. Screaming at each other to catch me, not let me get away. Then the ground disappeared from under me. I wasn’t paying attention and ran right off the edge of a cliff. I ended up in the water. A river I think. The current was fast, I think it rained just before.” He shook his head. “That’s all. I woke up the minute I hit the water.”

When he lifted his head to look at Kingsley, his heart began to race. Kingsley looked even more uneasy than before, staring off to the side. He was clinging to Teddy’s arm with a vice-like grip. Teddy reached over to grab Kingsley’s hand, squeezing it.

“You thought of something, didn’t you?”

Kingsley hesitated before nodding, meeting Teddy’s eye. “The day before I found you there had been a storm. Rain, thunder, lightning, everything.”

Teddy gaped at him before looking away. “Is there a river near here? A big one?”

Kingsley winced at the question, rubbing Teddy’s arm and nodding. “It’s not close,” he admitted. “If your dream was a memory, it means you were in the water for a long time. It carried you for miles.”

“So there’s probably no way to know where I went in,” Teddy guessed, and Kingsley shook his head.

“Unfortunately not. There are dozens of places along the riverside that can be considered a cliff.”

“Maybe it wasn’t a cliff,” Teddy suggested. “I mean I was small back then, I was six. I could’ve tripped over a root and thought it was a cliff.”

Kingsley shrugged. “I suppose, but it doesn’t make the spot easier to find.”

Teddy nodded slowly. “Yeah. You’re right.” He turned and started to walk again. “I should stop worrying.”

“The fact you dreamt of something that may have happened is more than what you’ve gotten before,” Kingsley offered, following after Teddy.

“My head still hurts,” Teddy laughed, rubbing his right eye. “It hasn’t stopped since the caravan got here. It’s gotten less painful, but it hasn’t completely gone away. I’ve blacked out, what, twice so far?”

“Just once,” Kingsley corrected, “and no one can blame you. You got in a pretty bad fist fight.”

“Yeah, go me,” Teddy grumbled. “I should get a medal for being such a fantastic bodyguard.”

“Don’t do that to yourself,” Kingsley scolded. “You did your job, you protected James and kept him safe.”

“There’s a mark on his throat from that man’s hands,” Teddy said miserably. “It looks horrible.”

Kingsley stared at Teddy as they walked. “You saw him already today?”

Teddy cleared his throat, scratching his neck. “He didn’t want to be alone after getting attacked. I slept on the couch in his bedroom.”

“Oh,” Kingsley uttered. “The couch, was it?”

“Stop looking at me like that,” Teddy nagged without turning to Kingsley, who laughed, set a hand on Teddy’s back.

“It may be selfish of me, but last night I was more worried about you than James. I’m glad he looked after you.”

Teddy pulled at the edge of his cloak, nodding and staring at the ground. “I’m glad I was able to look after him,” he countered. “He’s worried about my head, too.”

Kingsley was quiet for a moment. “You used to have frequent blackouts when you were younger.”

Teddy stopped walking, gaping at Kingsley. “I did? I don’t remember that.”

“Poppy guessed it was from the blunt force trauma that caused this.” Kingsley reached up to Teddy’s head, touching the edge of the scar there. “It would happen unexpectedly without much warning. You’d be fine one moment and collapsed on the floor the next.”

“There was no pattern to my blackouts?” Teddy inquired.

Kingsley hummed, pulling his hand away. “You would get dizzy when the weather turned. It could have been the smell of rain that did it. Your blackouts were harder to track, but you grew out of them before you were promoted to be James’ guard.”

“I don’t even remember having blackouts,” Teddy admitted, and Kingsley nodded.

“You didn’t remember them when you woke up, either.”

Teddy sighed. “I suppose I’m a little more damaged than I thought.” He laughed bitterly, staring at the worn ground beneath his feet. “Maybe I shouldn’t pursue anything beyond friendship with James.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He deserves better than me,” Teddy explained, and Kingsley scoffed.

“Try telling him that. Do you think he’ll agree?”

Teddy shook his head. “Probably not.”

“Probably because it’s not true,” Kingsley chided. He squeezed Teddy’s shoulder. “The weaknesses or damages you think you have don’t make you less than those around you. Having no memory of your past doesn’t make you broken. James doesn’t love you any less for it.”

Teddy nodded in agreement. “I know how he feels.” He smiled at Kingsley. “He told me. Made it very clear how he felt.”

“Good,” Kingsley chuckled. “You both deserve it. After what you’ve been through, you deserve to have someone secure in your life who will love you as a constant. So does he.”

Teddy's smile was gentle. “Thank you, Kingsley. I don’t say it enough, but I really appreciate the support you’ve given me.”

Kingsley pulled Teddy closer, hugging him and holding the back of his neck. “I’ll always be here if you need me.”

Teddy squeezed his arms around Kingsley, closing his eyes and nodding. “I hope so.”

When they pulled away Teddy continued to cling to Kingsley’s cloak. Like he used to when he was small. Kingsley didn’t seem to notice, or if he did then he didn’t mind.

“What do you know about the knife that man had?” Teddy asked, and Kingsley hummed.

“We’ll talk about that later,” he decided. “Since the royals of each country are here, the king has scheduled a meeting for noon to discuss the situation. The royals collected in one kingdom can be dangerous, but at the same time it may be easier to protect everyone.” He paused before clearing his throat. “We can talk more about this later.”

“But you do know what that mark is, don’t you?” Teddy asked.

Kingsley was silent for an uncomfortable amount of time before speaking. “Yes,” he answered, holding Teddy's face in one hand and giving him a look filled with fatherly concern. “I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update Scheduled: Monday, June 22nd


	9. Where There is Light

James was roused from sleep by the sunlight spilling through the curtains and across his face, showing it was long past dawn. The space where Teddy had slept was cold, but the sheets still held his scent. James rolled onto Teddy’s side of the bed, hiding his face in the pillow and lying on his stomach, breathing in to capture as much of his lover's scent as he could. There was a slight twinge of discomfort in his lower back, but it wasn't unbearable and gave him a sense of satisfaction. He kept shifting around so he could feel the remnant of delightful pressure from the night before.

He rolled his head to look at the door when someone knocked, smiling peacefully when Teddy entered the bedroom. The soldier was back in his armor, and James already missed having him comfortably naked in bed beside him. Though he wouldn't fight that Teddy looked delectable with the light glinting off pieces of his armor, the cloak hanging around his shoulders and his sword at his side. There was just something about men in armor that James couldn't get enough of.

“You’re still sleeping?” Teddy chided, shutting the door behind him. “They’re serving breakfast soon.”

“I don’t want to get up,” James argued, patting the space beside him. “You should come back to bed.”

“You know I can’t,” Teddy propped his left hand against the hilt of his sword. “The council is calling for a meeting after breakfast to discuss what happened last night.”

James grumbled and sat up, touching his throat gently and wincing. “Does it look bad?” he asked, accepting the robe that Teddy brought over to him.

He sat on the edge of the bed as James pulled the robe around his shoulders. “There’s some bruising, but it’s not as dark as I was expecting. You could probably hide it with a high collared shirt.”

James nodded as he stood up, holding the sides of his robe together and going to his wardrobe to pull out clean clothes. “Did you finish your work with Kingsley?”

“Yeah. I came to bring you to the dining room for breakfast.”

“You already ate?” James asked, and Teddy nodded in response.

“I ate with the other soldiers after walking the perimeter.” Teddy stood up from the bed, stepping over to James and holding his neck to stroke the mark on his throat. “I came to wake you up before someone else did. I figured you wouldn’t want anyone else to see this.”

James smiled, pulling Teddy closer with a hand on his hip. He leaned up to place a kiss on Teddy’s lips. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

Teddy kissed James’ forehead, holding him around the waist. "I'll wait for you in the hall."

"You don't want to watch me get dressed?" James asked with a pout.

Teddy pinched his chin between his fingers, kissing the tip of his nose. "I'm not allowed to."

"You think you're not allowed to see me naked after last night?" James teased. "Or are you just worried you won't be able to control yourself around me?"

"I'll tell you what," Teddy slid a hand down James' side to where the hem of his robe stopped at his thigh, teasing his fingers beneath it to caress James' bare skin, "You let your dad know I'm the one you want to be with, and I'll watch you as much as you want me too."

“Both of those things sound like they’re for you,” James argued playfully, leaning into Teddy’s touch. “To be fair, I think he already knows. I did dance with you for more than half of the party. I’m actually kind of grateful to that bastard for attacking me. Dad agreed to let me choose who I wanted to be with, he even said I could choose my mistress, but in return he wanted me to focus on all the eligible noble women who came for the coronation. I tried to get out of it to dance with you instead, but he wouldn’t let me. Luckily I was able to get out of dancing with them thanks to that guy almost killing me!”

“That’s not funny,” Teddy scolded, though he looked touched. He pulled James against his chest, swaying gently on his feet. “Maybe we can dance together later.”

“Now?” James asked hopefully, putting his hands on Teddy's shoulders and lifting up towards Teddy's face for a kiss.

Teddy lifted his chin to avoid the kiss. “No.” He reached into the wardrobe and pulled out a shirt. “Time to get dressed.”

James was still messing with the buttons of his shirt when he walked into the dining hall. He wanted them secured up to his throat to keep the bruise hidden, but never normally used the top button. The fabric at the collar was starchy and inflexible, and James couldn’t get a good grip on the little button. After a moment he turned to Teddy with a pout, lifting his chin without a word so Teddy could reach out and secure the button for him.

“Can you see the bruise?” James asked in a whisper, and Teddy shook his head, straightening the collar after getting the button in place.

“It’s hidden," he assured, stroking a thumb over James' jaw before dropping his hands. "I’ll be here if you need me. Try to eat something.”

James nodded, shuffling over to his seat at the table. A few people were watching him, including Harry, but James kept his head down as he dropped into his chair. The only thing that kept Harry from chiding James about being late was probably the fact he wasn’t the last person to sit down.

Luna, Rolf, and Lorcan came in not long after James, though Lysander was already at the table sitting next to Lily. James overheard them talking, and they seemed to be in a deep discussion about Lily's position in the military. Lysander was praising her openly for her skills with a bow while Lily sat there basking in the compliments.

James looked to the seat on his right side where Albus usually sat, but it was currently still vacant. James pouted at the fact he couldn't gossip to him about their sister, sinking deeper into his seat and looking around the table.

Everyone else was already sitting around the table, including the Waluff and Scythan kings and queens. The only people missing were Albus and Scorpius. They showed up a moment after breakfast was served. Albus didn’t look very bothered about being late, but Scorpius’ face was scarlet. He scrambled over to sit between Astoria and Draco while Albus took his seat beside James.

James felt even more delighted once his brother appeared. Lily was flirting with the crown prince to Ravire and Albus had come to breakfast late with the crown prince to Scythan. He wanted to tease them both, but held back and focused on trying to eat.

The conversation at the table was pleasant, but James wasn’t enjoying himself at all. He was hungry of course, but it hurt to swallow. He turned his head discreetly to find where Teddy was standing against the wall with Kingsley and a number of other soldiers. When their eyes met James touched his throat without saying a word. Teddy frowned, but he seemed to understand, leaning towards Kingsley to whisper something before slipping out of the room.

He returned a moment later with Poppy at his heels, moving back to his spot beside Kingsley while their physician carried a steaming mug over to James. She set it in front of him, rubbing his shoulder.

“Medicine, the same thing I gave you last night. It doesn’t taste great, but it will help your throat feel better so you can finish eating.”

“Thank you,” James sighed, wrapping his hands around the mug of medicine and smiling gratefully at Teddy. The soldier smiled back before bowing his head.

“Are you feeling alright?” Albus asked under his breath.

James cleared his throat, keeping his eyes down as he sipped the warm medicine. “It hurts a little to swallow, but I’m fine.”

“Can you finish eating?”

“I can if it means dad won’t nag me about it,” James promised. He leaned over the arm of his chair to get closer to Albus, who leaned towards James instinctively to hear better. “So what’s going on with Lily?”

“I guess you were so busy with Teddy you didn’t notice,” Albus said. “She’s very interested in Lysander. She danced with him for hours last night.”

“Damn it, I’ve been so distracted I didn’t even realize.” He peered over at where Lily was talking with Lysander and his brother Lorcan. “I suppose they look cute together.”

“They do,” Albus agreed. “At least we both know Lily has good instincts. If Lysander tries anything she doesn’t like, she’ll kick his ass.”

James set his empty cup beside his plate before smirking at Albus. “What about you?” he queried. “You came in late with the future king of Scythan.”

Albus busied himself with his tea, dropping cubes of sugar into his cup without looking at James. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m sure,” James grinned. “He’s cute. You'd make a good couple.”

“I don’t know what your deal is,” Albus grumbled, mixing his tea with a spoon. “Nothing’s going on.”

James looked towards the Scythan royals from the corner of his eye, trying not to smile when he noticed Scorpius frequently glancing at Albus before looking down at his plate. “Sure,” James agreed, reaching over to pat Albus on the arm. “I believe you.”

“Piss off,” Albus snapped, bristling as James laughed. “Yeah? How was _your_ night?” He turned to James, pointing to his own ear. “There’s a hickey on your neck under your ear by the way. Where’d that come from?” James blushed, slapping a hand over his neck. Albus took it as a sign to smirk back at his brother, lifting his cup. “Cheers.”

“I hope you choke on that tea.”

Albus took a slow sip before making a face, setting the cup down. “Too much sugar,” he muttered, then looked at James. “There’s actually no hickey on your neck. I just said that to mess with you.”

“What for?!”

“You wouldn’t have admitted to sleeping with Teddy on your own,” Albus explained, folding an arm against the edge of the table. “Congratulations.”

“I hate you.”

“Finish eating.”

James wasn’t looking forward to the council meeting scheduled for after breakfast. He stalled by picking at his food, watching the royals finish their meal before leaving the room in groups of two and three. He managed a smile when Scorpius shuffled over to take the seat beside Albus, hiding his smirk in a cup of tea when Albus sent him a scathing glare.

“Are you going to be joining us for the meeting?” James asked.

Scorpius looked flustered at the question, shaking his head. “I’m not old enough. I still have a few years before I’m of age to get involved with matters like this.”

“I’m not going to be there either,” Lysander added, an elbow propped against the table and his cheek in his hand. “You’re on your own, your majesty.”

“Cool,” James said with absolutely no enthusiasm.

“Look on the bright side,” Albus offered, “your guard will be there to keep you company.”

James glared at him, setting his cup down and leaning towards his brother. “While the adults are busy, maybe you can show your _friend_ the garden pond out back. He looks like the kind of person who would like swans.”

“You want me to punch you, don’t you?” Albus asked, and James shrugged.

He stood up when Harry called for him, dragging his feet towards the door.

“Don’t forget your crown,” Harry chided to James in a quiet voice. “It’s a symbol of status and respect, you’re required to wear it during important meetings like this one.”

“Fine,” James grumbled, retrieving the crown before joining the others in the council room.

Teddy stood post right beside James' seat, hands folded in front of him, his leg nearly touching the arm of the chair. James was reluctant to place the crown on his head, but he did so before Harry could nag him about it. He then leaned against the arm of his chair to get closer to Teddy, propping his head lazily against the soldier's arm. Teddy didn't seem to mind it. In fact he leaned closer to James as if to give him a more comfortable angle.

James struggled against the pain in his throat as he rubbed his cheek against Teddy, eventually turning his head into the crook of his elbow and coughing. He rubbed his throat and winced, settling down when Teddy put a hand on his upper back, rubbing small circles below his neck.

“Are you okay?”

James nodded, reaching for the pitcher of water on the table in front of him. “I’m fine. Madam Pomfrey said it would stop bothering me in a few days.”

“Tell me if you want anything,” Teddy said. “I can get more medicine if you need it.”

James reached up to cling to Teddy’s fingers, lifting his head when more people started to step into the room. Teddy pulled his hand from James’ grip and folded his arms, but he didn’t move away from his position. He stayed close to the prince's seat, and James took advantage of it by lying his head back against Teddy’s arm.

Engryff’s council joined the royals, and the more people showed up, the more uneasy James began to feel. He propped his right elbow against the arm of the chair, wrapping his fingers in Teddy’s cloak and lying his cheek against his fist. James could feel every eye on him, but he focused on the glass of water on the table. He pressed Teddy’s cloak against his cheek to feel the material against his skin. Both the sensation and scent were comforting, so he shut his eyes and concentrated on them when Harry started to talk.

“Before anything else I just want to apologize to Engryff’s guests. You came here for a peaceful celebration and ended up in a very stressful situation.”

“I imagine it was worse for your son,” Tonks said, giving James a sympathetic smile.

“This may be more complicated than first assumed,” Kingsley said, placing the knife in front of him on the table. “Judging by the mark on his knife, the man who attacked last night is a member of the Deatheaters.”

James winced, reaching out for his cup of water as Kingsley further explained. It was history that everyone knew, as it was the history of how the four countries had been founded. Hundreds of years in the past the land was ruled by one man. He tortured, raped and murdered, encouraging his soldiers and citizens to do the same. Four people rose up in the midst of the chaos: a soldier, a scholar, a lord, and a healer. They fought back and were able to dethrone the tyrant, splitting the land between them and creating the four kingdoms.

Hundreds of years later, a bastard of the Scythan royal family with ties to their former tyrannical ruler attempted to take the throne. From what James knew of the man, he’d even murdered the previous king and queen of Engryff; his grandparents. He’d tried to murder Harry as well, when he was just an infant, but was chased from the country before he could finish the job. He'd been slain almost thirty years ago in a bloody battle that Harry still didn't like to discuss. Most of what James knew about that war had been told to him by McGonagall, or read about in texts.

That was the only reason he knew the name of the man who'd started the war: Lord Voldemort. His supporters had called themselves Deatheaters. They were a cultish group of murderers who worshiped him in a god-like status.

“Voldemort’s initial goal was to assassinate those of the royal family lines and weaken the countries to the point where he could take over as a dictator,” Kingsley was explaining, turning the knife around in his hands and glaring down at it. “He died in the final battle twenty-six years ago, but it seems many of the Deatheaters managed to escape imprisonment and execution.”

“How does that happen?” Cormac asked. “How do a few psychopathic murderers slip through the hands of four powerful militaries?”

“Our armies were in ruins at the end of the war,” Remus was the one to explain, clinging to his cane. “Millions died, including civilians. Even more people were wounded, some to the point of permanent incapacitation. War isn’t a game, Mr. McLaggen. We didn’t have enough resources to hunt down the surviving Deatheaters.”

“I’m a Lord, actually,” Cormac corrected.

Remus stared at him seemingly unbothered by his entitled remark, but Kingsley was bristling. Teddy had tensed up considerably as well, so James pressed his head harder against the soldier’s arm to distract him.

“Considering that man came after James on the day of his coronation, are you thinking the Deatheaters are trying to finish what they started?” Harry asked. “Assassinating the royals to weaken the country?”

“Unfortunately,” Kingsley confirmed with a grumble. “Made worse by the fact the coronation collected every royal in one kingdom. It would take one good coup to kill or wound every heir in the castle.”

“They already got their hands on your son,” Draco added.

Harry glared at him. “James is fine,” he said, looking at James as if for confirmation.

James didn’t bother to add anything, picking up his glass of water to ease the ache in his throat. He kept his head down, ignoring the uncomfortable sensation of people staring at him in pity.

“He was lucky,” Tonks said gently. James glanced towards her to see she was staring down at her hands. “You assigned a capable soldier to his guard detail, but you still shouldn’t underestimate these people. They’ll come back, and they won’t stop unless we stop them.”

“And how do you propose we do that, your highness?” Cormac asked, rolling his eyes.

Teddy’s folded arms tightened as his body tensed up, his fingers digging into his biceps. James leaned his head back to look at Teddy’s face, noting his lips were in a tight line and his brow was furrowed. He looked angry, and there was a confused glaze to his eyes. Like he was mad but didn’t understand why.

“Is there any way we could track the man who attacked?” Rolf asked. “Harry, who’s the best tracker in your military?”

Harry seemed to consider it before looking at Kingsley, who cringed. His dark eyes shifted to Teddy. James felt his heart race in his chest, setting his glass down as Teddy shifted on his feet, unfolding his arms and gripping his sword handle.

“I am,” he said.

“Would tracking them even work?” Draco looked skeptical.

Harry was rubbing his jaw thoughtfully. “It’s only been a few hours since that man ran off. A detail of soldiers managed to track him to the edge of town before doubling back, and it hasn’t rained. We may get lucky.”

Kingsley set the knife on the table, rubbing his eyes with a hand. James could sense his stress from across the table through his tense body language. James didn’t blame him. He didn't want Teddy to leave any more than Kingsley did.

“Hang on, Teddy got thrown down a staircase. He could have… internal bleeding.”

James flushed at the lack of response. He didn’t even bother to look at Teddy, as he could already imagine the soldier staring at the ceiling with a long suffering expression on his face.

“He could!” James insisted. “He fell down stairs! Carved from stone!”

“Madam Pomfrey said he was fine,” Harry argued. “He’s the best chance we have of finding these people.”

“But—”

“I don’t understand why you’re arguing about this. You’re the one who almost died last night. If we don’t act on this stroke of luck then a lot of people could get hurt.”

James dug his nails into the sides of his seat, glaring at Harry. “I have the final say,” he stated, not reacting to the shocked expression on Harry’s face. “He’s my personal guard before anything else, that means I have to approve any alternate military missions that take place out of the city.”

Harry looked irritated. “James—”

“Keep in mind this is _your_ law,” James snapped, “and you’re the one who assigned him to be my guard in the first place, so if you don’t like it that’s your problem.”

Draco snorted, turning his head away and hiding his mouth and nose with a hand as Harry glared at him, practically seething.

James started to calm down moderately. He’d only just started to have a real relationship with Teddy, and after nearly dying the night before, James didn’t want to be alone. He would never admit out loud that he was scared, but claiming he felt safer with Teddy beside him was different. James didn’t want to think about how much it would hurt if he lost Teddy. Especially after confessing to him and taking him as his lover.

“I’ll go.”

James froze, his head spinning as he turned to gape at Teddy. “What?”

Teddy gave him a reassuring smile. “I’ll be quick. I’m good at what I do.”

“No! I said no!”

Harry sighed. “He was trained for this, and he’s the best we have.”

James stood up. “I said no!”

Teddy reached out to grab James’ arm. “Will you excuse us for a moment?”

“How many times do I have to say no?!” James demanded, though he didn’t struggle as Teddy pulled him out of the council room.

They didn’t speak until Teddy had closed the door to James’ bedroom, watching the prince storm halfway across the room. He pulled the crown off his head and threw it onto his bed.

“You can’t leave!” He said frantically as he faced Teddy. “I—I almost died last night!”

“Jamie that’s why I have to go,” Teddy insisted, walking over to James and reaching out to take him by the shoulders. “Your father’s right, I was trained for this. I’m the best tracker in the military, and may I emphasize I’m in the _military._ I’m your guard and I have a responsibility to protect you, but I also have a duty to protect this country. I can’t just sit around and wait for the Deatheaters to come back for you. I’m the only one who can find them first.”

James rubbed his hands over his face, raking his fingers into his hair and shaking his head. “Please don’t leave me.”

Teddy looked brokenhearted, moving closer and wrapping his arms around James. “I won’t be gone forever,” he promised, running a hand through James' hair before pulling away and holding his face with a hand. “All I want to do is protect you, and I’ll go to the ends of the earth if I have to in order to do so.” He pressed his forehead against James’, and James had to pinch his eyes shut to keep from crying. “You’ve been my entire world from the moment I met you. I just didn’t realize it until you kissed me. Nothing is going to stop me from being with you.”

“What if something happens when you’re gone?” James asked, his voice shaking.

Teddy held him closer, kissing his forehead. “Nothing will happen, and I’ll be home soon. I promise.”

James wrapped his arms around Teddy’s waist, hugging him tightly and pressing his face against the side of his neck. “How long?”

“I don’t know.” Teddy rubbed his hand up and down James’ back, placing a kiss on the crown of his head. “But I will come back.” He pulled away, holding James’ face in both his hands and kissing him soundly on the mouth. He brushed their noses together. “I love you.”

James smiled shakily at Teddy. “I love you too.” He hesitated, burying his face against Teddy’s neck. “Don’t get hurt. Come home safe. I don’t want last night to be the only one we spend together.”

“It won’t be,” Teddy whispered in reassurance.

James wound his arms around Teddy’s neck, pushing himself onto his toes to meet Teddy in a kiss. He was scared of Teddy leaving and never coming home, but he wanted to trust the soldier would return safely. Teddy had been training for twenty years after all. If anyone could track the Deatheaters and win in a fight against them, it was Teddy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update Scheduled: Monday June 29th


	10. Toll of Memory

It was decided that Kingsley wouldn’t be joining Teddy on his mission. Teddy was a little put out by that, but at the same time he was relieved. With him out of the castle, Kingsley was the best choice to look after James until he’d returned.

Teddy’s scouting group would consist of himself, Bill, Colin Creevey, Neville Longbottom and, much to his chagrin, Cormac. Bill, Colin, and Neville were all part of Harry’s personal guard, so the fact he was insisting they join Teddy was either a good thing, or a very bad thing. Teddy didn’t understand why Cormac was coming along, even when Harry tried to explain it.

“This is his chance to prove himself.”

Prove himself for what? Teddy decided not to ask. Though he did overhear Harry talking to Cormac, making a point of telling him that Teddy was his superior and to listen to everything he said. That made Teddy anxious, because it implied Harry was considering Cormac as a suitable candidate for James’ personal guard.

“What do you think, Cress?” Teddy asked, holding his mare’s reins as she bobbed her head. “Think we can knock him off the trail and tell Harry he ran away?” Cress nuzzled the top of his head, and Teddy ducked to the side with a grumble, reaching up to fix his hair. “That wasn’t an answer.”

“Hey.” Teddy looked over his shoulder to see James. He’d changed into more formal clothing, a red tunic with gold accents and black pants. The crown was back on his head, and he was watching Teddy with a tired sadness to his eyes as he walked up to him.

“What’s with the getup?” Teddy asked with a teasing edge.

Usually it made James laugh when Teddy made fun of the fancy outfits he was sometimes required to wear, but James could only give a smile in return as he paused in front of Teddy. He reached up to adjust one of the buttons on his chest, fiddling with a loose thread on his sleeve and staring down at his hands.

“Dad says I need to remain put together in this uncertain time,” James explained in a monotone voice, probably repeating what Harry had said word for word. “Or something.”

“You look nice,” Teddy offered, smiling. “I don’t think I’ve said it yet, but the crown fits you well. It compliments you.”

“Think so?” James asked, looking thoughtful as he reached up to touch the crown. “To be honest I’ll probably enjoy wearing it a lot more when things settle down.”

“Understandable,” Teddy noted, turning to make sure the saddle was secure on Cress’ back, patting her neck. “It’s probably easier to be a king when there aren’t murderers running around.”

There was no immediate reply, so Teddy turned back to face James. His head was bowed and he was staring at the ground, his arms folded almost defensively. His body language screamed discomfort, and Teddy let his hands fall to his sides.

“Jamie I’m not leaving forever.”

James pressed his lips together before speaking softly. “I was thinking a minute ago… I don’t think we’ve ever been apart.” He looked up at Teddy. “Aside from being in separate parts of the castle because I’m studying and you’re training. We’ve never been away from each other like this. You’ve always been nearby in case I needed you.” James looked like he was in pain. “I haven’t appreciated it nearly enough.”

Teddy felt a pang of agony in his own chest as he listened to James. “I hadn’t even realized that,” he admitted. “Spending so much time with one another... I suppose it’s no surprise we fell in love, is it?”

James smiled at that. His amber eyes had lightened from the tears in his eyes that hadn’t yet fallen. “Guess not.”

Teddy opened his arms to beckon the prince into an embrace, and James eagerly walked into them. He wound his arms around Teddy’s waist and laid his head against his shoulder as Teddy quickly situated his own arms; one folded around James’ shoulders, his other hand cradling the back of his head and stroking his hair. Somehow the crown didn’t even tilt. Teddy peered discreetly to the side out of the corner of his eyes when he felt someone staring, but he merely tightened his grip on James when he noticed it was Harry, watching on with his arms folded.

Teddy shut his eyes, squeezing James before pulling away from him. He held the side of James' face, not caring that there were others in the courtyard. “I’ll be home soon.”

“Wait,” James stopped Teddy before he could turn to his horse, and Teddy watched him in bewilderment as he slipped the gold ring from his index. He set it into Teddy’s gloved hand, folding the man's fingers over his own palm before smiling up at him. “This should fit you. It’s a little too big for me anyway.” He squeezed Teddy’s hand. “For luck.”

“I can’t take this,” Teddy argued uneasily. “I don’t even wear jewelry, and something this… shiny. It cost you a lot of money. I can’t just take it.”

“I’m giving it to you,” James insisted. “This way you don’t forget me while you’re out there.”

Teddy looked desperate. “I would never forget you; and I’m not going to be gone that long.”

“Please, Teddy.” James pushed Teddy’s closed fist against his chest. “I get that you’re not used to having something like this, but it’s me. Just let me give you this. Let me pamper you just a little.” Teddy winced, staring down and opening his hand to look at the ring. “It’s my favorite one. The only one I actually chose to have. Remember when I got it?”

Teddy nodded his head slowly. “You commissioned it because you wanted something more unique than what was given to you.”

“Remember you helped me design it?” James smiled.

Teddy laughed. He did remember that. James was fifteen at the time, crawling into Teddy’s room complaining about the family jewels and how boring they were. How everyone wore the same exact thing and why did he have to be a carbon copy of his father. They’d sat down on Teddy’s bed together and Teddy had opened his journal to a new page, sketching out a ring design for James that was unique to him.

James had taken the design to a local jeweler, and a few weeks later he was showing the finished product to Teddy like it was the most amazing thing he’d ever owned. Teddy had felt beyond pleased that James wore it all the time, because it was something _he_ had designed. James wore it because he liked it, and because it connected him to Teddy.

_“The rubies represent me and the moonstones are you.”_

_“Why am I a moonstone?”_

_“Because you’re_ **_always_ ** _talking about the moon and the stars.”_

Teddy wrapped his fingers over the ring again, holding it against his chest. He reached into the little pouch hanging on his belt, lifting out the silver coin. “Here.” James looked puzzled as he held his hand out, letting Teddy set the coin in his palm. “It’s not worth as much as the ring, I don’t think, but it’s part of me. I had that in my hand when Kingsley found me twenty years ago, and I’ve kept it with me all this time.”

James looked close to tears as he clenched his hand around the coin in a fist, holding it tightly. “Teddy this is the only thing you have left of your past.”

“I know,” Teddy smiled, “but if you’re giving me a totem, I want to give you one too. To remember me by, and for luck.” He pointed at the coin. “That’s my most prized possession, you know. Take good care of it.”

James took a step closer and threw his arms around Teddy, burying his face against his neck and hugging him tightly. “I want to kiss you. I really want to kiss you right now.”

Teddy wrapped his arms around James, squeezing him. He looked over at where Harry was standing, and some kind of understanding seemed to pass between them. Harry looked thoughtful for a moment before rubbing the back of his head and turning his back to Teddy and James. The others in the courtyard seemed distracted by their own preparations, no one was looking at them. So Teddy reached up to James’ face, coaxing him away from his neck but keeping one arm around his waist.

He leaned down and kissed him, closing his eyes to savor the taste of James’ mouth. James shoved his hand into Teddy’s hair, sighing when they broke apart. Teddy wiped away the stray tear that had fallen from James' eye to stain his cheek, offering him a gentle smile.

“I’ll see you soon.”

James nodded slowly, squeezing Teddy’s hand before releasing him and turning sharply. He seemed to force himself away from Teddy, not looking back once. Teddy didn’t blame him. If James looked back, Teddy probably would’ve wanted to kiss him again. As it was he watched him go with longing burning his chest. He slipped the ring into the pouch where he’d kept his coin so both his hands were free, then turned to Cress to finish securing the buckles and straps

He was looking through his saddlebag when Kingsley stepped up to him, looking about as excited as James had. He was carrying a scroll and something wrapped in a white cloth.

“This is a more detailed map of Engryff,” Kingsley said as he handed the scroll to Teddy, who opened it to look over. “I’m also giving you the knife from last night. It may prove useful to you.”

Teddy slipped the scroll into his saddlebag before carefully taking the knife, not bothering to remove the cloth from around it before putting it beside his other supplies. He closed the flap of the bag and turned to face Kingsley, who was standing with his arms folded. He looked tired, and for the first time Teddy had to remind himself of the man’s age.

“I’m not a kid anymore, remember,” Teddy tried to reassure him with a smile. “Not to mention I was trained by the best soldier in Engryff’s military.”

Kingsley stared at Teddy with a fond look in his eyes. “I’m well past my prime now, Ted. At this point, you _are_ the best in Engryff’s military.”

Teddy felt sheepish at the comment. “Come on, you could still beat me in a spar.”

“Only because you’d hold back,” Kingsley chided. “Promise me you won’t do that if you run into trouble out there?” He reached out to grip Teddy’s shoulder. “I want you to fight with everything you have and come back safe, do you understand?”

Teddy felt flustered by the order. It always seemed to take him by surprise when Kingsley showed genuine concern for him. Maybe it made sense, though. Kingsley had raised him from childhood. Teddy considered the man to be like his father, but it always seemed strange to think of himself as Kingsley’s son, and for whatever reason he never entertained the possibility that Kingsley would see him as such. As far as he was concerned, he imagined Kingsley merely saw him as a soldier, and apprentice. Times like this would prove Teddy was far more important to Kingsley than that.

Teddy stepped closer to wrap his arms around Kingsley, sitting his chin against his shoulder and hugging him as tightly as he was capable of when they were both in armor. “I’ll come back. Honestly, you and James are worried about nothing.”

Kingsley cradled the back of Teddy’s head, stroking his hand through his hair. “I don’t like that Harry’s sending you out like this,” he grumbled, and Teddy snorted.

“It’s my job, remember. I’m a soldier.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be,” Kingsley mumbled.

Teddy furrowed his brow, meeting Kingsley’s eye when they pulled apart. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve seen what wars do to their soldiers, Teddy,” Kingsley explained in a strained voice. “That’s not what I want for you. That’s never what I wanted for you.”

Teddy felt something like guilt go through him, dropping his head and reaching over to tug at the side of his cloak. “I’m sorry. I must have pushed a lot for you to train me.”

“I never said I wasn’t proud of you,” Kingsley quickly clarified, reaching up to squeeze Teddy’s cheeks in his hands. “I am _beyond_ proud of you, but you don’t have to focus everything on fighting in the military. I don’t want you to look back one day and realize you’d wasted your life trying to be the perfect soldier. Not like me.” He pulled his hands away. “While you’re gone, I want you to think of something. You’re a good soldier, but you’re also incredibly intelligent. Engryff would benefit from you as a scholar just as much as if you were an officer in its military.”

“You mean… retire?” Teddy gaped at Kingsley, who nodded slowly.

“It would be more secure, and not as dangerous. James wouldn’t be as worried as he is now, and you could stay closer to him.”

Teddy bristled in embarrassment, glancing over at where James was standing with Harry before looking down.

“Just think about it.”

Teddy lifted his head to meet Kingsley’s eye. “I will.”

Bill took the lead initially as the five soldiers mounted their horses. Teddy twisted the reins around his left hand and spurred Cress to join the group before looking over his shoulder. James was standing on the steps leading to the castle doors, watching after Teddy with a worried expression. When their eyes met he seemed to hesitate before giving the soldier a brave smile and a nod. Teddy was grateful for the attempt, though he knew in reality James wasn’t going to be able to relax until he’d come home. Teddy offered a smile of his own, hoping that James could interpret all the emotion he felt for the prince without having to exchange words.

There were others on the steps apart from James, and Teddy took a moment to glance at them all in the moments before following Bill out the gates. When his eyes found the king and queen from Waluff, the smile faded from his face. Tonks was standing rigidly in place with her lips in a fine line, watching after Teddy with an agonized look to her eyes. Even from a distance Teddy could see the blend of colors that looked bizarrely unnatural, but familiar at the same time. He couldn’t recall where he’d seen them before. A throb of pain went through his skull when he shifted his eyes to Remus, staring at the couple for a good few seconds each before turning Cress away and riding after Bill and the others.

They rode in silence until reaching the edge of the city, where Teddy drew on the reins of his horse before dismounting. Cress followed dutifully behind him as he crouched down to see the dirt path better. There were black spots staining the ground every few steps, and when Teddy reached out to touch one of them, his fingertips came back stained.

“Blood,” he noted to Bill as he smeared the sticky substance across his fingers, watching as it streaked red. “Looks like he wasn’t able to bind his wound properly.”

“The arrow went straight through his hand,” Neville said. “I don’t think it’ll stop bleeding without some kind of medical attention.”

“He might lose the hand entirely,” Colin added, looking both disgusted and intrigued.

“I know what this means,” Cormac said wisely. “He managed to make it out of town.”

Teddy sighed as he stood up, cleaning the blood from his hand before pulling himself back into the saddle. “Yes, Cormac.” He pulled the map from his saddlebag, tapping Cress’ side with his heel to coax her forward. “We’ll follow the blood until we lose the trail, or it gets too dark.”

“Lead the way,” Bill said, and Teddy nodded to him.

They were able to follow the spots of blood for a few miles before the trail seemed to stop, but by then Teddy had a pretty good idea of what direction the man was headed. He kept the map open, memorizing the paths as he sat perched in the saddle. Towards the end of the day he was lagging behind the others, letting Bill track for a while as Teddy focused his full attention on memorizing the map of Engryff.

It was a good day at least. The sky was clear and the weather was warm, a steady breeze would occasionally brush past, cooling Teddy’s sweat speckled forehead at the best time.

“The sun’s going down.” Bill called from the front. “We’re going to bed down soon.”

“There should be a good spot coming up,” Neville said with a yawn.

They didn’t bother with tents when they found a spot to camp off the path. They found a good spot to tie the horses next to a nearby stream of water before starting a fire. Teddy sat on a rock beside the water as Neville fixed up dinner. His head was still aching, and the wound at his hairline was bothering him, so it was hard to concentrate on the map.

“Don’t scratch it,” Bill chided, joining Teddy. “Let me see.”

Teddy dropped his hand so Bill could peel away the plaster. “It itches.”

“That means it’s healing. You’re lucky. It could have been a lot worse.” Teddy frowned at that, staring at the water as Bill cleaned the wound and put a new plaster over it. “Any idea where we’re headed yet?”

“Maybe,” Teddy readjusted his hold on the map, tapping on a large green area. “We’re camping around here, around sixteen kilometers from the capital. So far we’ve been headed east, and it looks like we’re about twenty kilometers from where the roads intersect.” His finger followed the path on the map to where it stopped and webbed out three different ways. One path led south to Waluff, one led north towards Scythan, and one went to the coast. “Is it bad of me to say I think he may be going north?”

“Not at all,” Bill assured, leaning back and pulling a canteen from his bag. “That’s where Voldemort was born, and where he recruited the majority of his followers.” He got to one knee so he could refill the canteen with clear creek water. “That’s not to say he didn’t have supporters from Ravire, Engryff, or Waluff, because unfortunately he did.”

“I’ll see what it looks like when we reach the intersection,” Teddy decided, rolling up the map. “We still have a long way to go, and that man had a day's head-start. Thank you for helping with my head, by the way.”

Bill smiled at him. “Of course.” He stood up once he’d filled his canteen, turning to rejoin the others at the fire. “Neville should have food warmed up soon.”

“Give me a minute,” Teddy said, waiting for Bill to leave before focusing back on the creek.

He slipped the map into his saddlebag, which he’d removed from his saddle so it was propped against the rock beside him. For a moment he was tempted to pull the knife out, but decided not to. He didn’t want to look at that mark more than he had to. Teddy looked over his shoulder to ensure his fellow soldiers were preoccupied. Then he pulled off his gloves and reached into the pouch on his belt, slipping out the ring. The gold was cold against his palm. Teddy turned it over a few times and watched as each precious gem caught the dying light.

Even though James had given it to him, Teddy was hesitant to put it on. When he gave in, he chose to slip it onto the middle finger of his right hand. It fit perfectly, like it was made for him. Teddy shut his eyes and clenched his hand into a fist. He had to finish this as soon as he could, so he could see James again.

“Eat’s up, Ted!” Neville yelled.

Teddy pulled his gloves back on to hide the ring before grabbing his saddle bag and joining the others around the fire.

He fell asleep lying on his back so he could watch the stars, unable to stay awake for very long despite how he wanted to stare at the sky. When his eyes shut, he was sleeping in seconds; and almost immediately after, he was freezing cold.

His body was shivering so badly that it was difficult to walk, but someone was holding his hand. Someone tall, and their grip was almost painful, though it was warm and comforting. Whoever was leading him walked with a limp and carried a staff made of gnarled, knotted wood.

“Keep up!” A voice barked back at them, and Teddy flinched.

The man pulled him closer, releasing his hand to instead squeeze his shoulder. “It’ll be alright. They’re not that scary.”

“I wanna go home,” Teddy felt himself speak in a tiny, quiet voice.

“I’ll get you home,” the man’s voice was gruff, and he pulled his hand away for a second before it appeared again in front of Teddy. “Here. Hold this.”

Teddy reached his hands out, watching in awe as a familiar silver coin was dropped into his palm. “Pretty.”

“That’s a worry coin,” the voice said as Teddy held the coin in his left hand, reaching his right hand up blindly to grip the man’s sleeve. “It’s like a worry stone, but it’s a coin. Rub your thumb against the flat side when you’re anxious and you’ll feel better.”

“Like magic?” Teddy asked.

The man squeezed his hand. “Exactly.”

Teddy lifted his head to look up, but the most he could see in the dream was a heavy deerskin coat. “I miss mum and daddy,” he said miserably.

“I’m sure they miss you too, but you'll see them again soon. I promise.” The man’s shuffling limp seemed to get heavier as he walked faster. “It’s my job to keep you and your family safe. I’ve been doing that since before you were born, and damn me if I’m going to stop now.” He turned his head to look down at Teddy, and Teddy felt a jolt of shock run through him when he saw the man’s face. “Listen close. When we stop for the night, I’m going to cause a distraction, then I want you to run as fast as you can.”

Teddy felt his heart race. “You’re not gonna come?”

“I might not be able to keep up with this leg.” He tapped his staff against his leg, which made a hollow thunk sound.

“But I don’t wanna be alone,” Teddy said shakily, and his body began trembling harder as he felt himself start to cry. “I wanna go home.”

“Shut that damn kid up!”

“Shhh,” the man crouched down to Teddy’s level so Teddy could see his face even more clearly. It was badly scarred, and there was a black patch covering his left eye. “I promise you’ll be home soon, but you need to be vigilant. Do you have the locket your mum gave you?” Teddy sniffled, reaching for his neck to pull something from under his shirt. “Good. You need to keep this on you no matter what. It’s your identifier. When people see this they’ll know who you are and will be able to bring you home.”

“Okay,” Teddy croaked out, attempting to hide the pendant under his shirt again.

“Hey! What’s that little bastard got!” Teddy shrieked when someone grabbed his arm, so tightly he could feel his bones grind together. He felt the chain break against his neck as the person who grabbed him took the pendant away before he could hide it. “Give that to me!”

“No! It’s mine! Give it back!” Teddy punched at the stranger with tiny fists and kicked at their legs.

His breath was forced from his lungs when he was thrown onto the ground. He scrambled to get back to his feet, but the moment he was standing someone swung the back of their hand into his face. Teddy fell again, iron and dirt washing over his tongue as he started to cry.

“Leave him be! He’s a kid! You can’t do this to a bloody kid!” The man with the eyepatch was bellowing, but a dozen voices began to laugh from around them.

“What are you gonna do about it, old man?” Teddy felt pain explode in his stomach as a boot was kicked directly into it.

“Stop! You’ll kill him!”

“That’s the point!”

Teddy was hauled up by the front of his shirt, squeaking in fear as he kicked his legs out and scratched at the arm in front of him. He somehow managed to tear away the sleeve, revealing a terrifyingly familiar mark. A black skull with a snake slithering out of it. Teddy started to scream more, scratching at the mark and struggling frantically to get free.

“No! Let me go! I wanna go home! Help me, I just wanna go home! Mumma, please! Daddy! Daddy I wanna go home! **_Dad!”_ **

**_“Teddy!”_ **

His eyes snapped open with a strangled gasp. Adrenaline was rushing through him as he sat up, but someone had an arm wrapped around him to keep him from moving.

“No!”

“Teddy, it’s me! It’s Bill!”

Teddy gasped for breath, his eyes searching wildly for the man from before, the one with the scarred face and eyepatch. He was nowhere to be seen, and for a moment Teddy panicked.

“Where is he?” Teddy reached up, pressing his palm against his chest as if feeling for the necklace that had been torn off of him.

“Where’s who?”

“He was right here, he was going to distract them so I could get away.”

“Them?”

“Teddy.” Bill grabbed Teddy’s face and turned him so their eyes could meet. For some reason Teddy felt himself relax, staring at the light scars across the soldier’s face. They weren’t nearly as bad as the man from his dreams were, but focusing on them made him calm down. “It was a nightmare. Okay? Everything is fine.” Teddy nodded slowly and Bill let go of his face. “Do you remember who I am?”

“Bill,” Teddy answered, and Bill looked relieved.

“Good.”

“Are you okay?” Neville asked. He was standing behind where Bill was crouching, staring down at Teddy with an uncertain look on his face.

Teddy wasn’t sure how to answer. His head was hurting, and there was a phantom pain in his ribs and stomach that brought back the events of his dream. His mind spun, and before anyone else could speak, Teddy turned away from Bill and threw up. All over Cormac’s boots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update Scheduled: Monday July 6th


	11. Empty Spaces

James watched until the group of soldiers had disappeared out of the courtyard, sinking down to sit on the steps as two guards closed the gates when they were gone. It sort of proved just how tense the situation was, because Harry never ordered the gates to be closed. For a while James sat there in silence, staring down at where his hands were folded in his lap. He couldn’t figure out what emotion was the most prominent, because he was feeling so much all at once.

He was angry at his father. How could he boss Teddy around like he was just another soldier? Especially after getting hurt the night before. If Harry should have ordered Teddy to do anything, it should have been to stay with James and rest until his head was healed and the bruises on his face and ribs had faded. James didn’t care that Poppy had given the okay for him to work. Head wounds were unpredictable, and Teddy had already been suffering from migraines. Straining himself so soon could hurt him even more.

At the same time he felt betrayed by Teddy for agreeing to go on this mission at all. Why would he do something so reckless? James could have died, and the only reason he didn’t was because Teddy had shown up in time to save him. What was James supposed to do now that Teddy was gone? What if someone attacked again? James knew a little self defense, sure, but not nearly enough. It certainly hadn’t been enough to fight off the Deatheater that tried to strangle him.

He was frustrated that Teddy hadn’t discussed it with him longer. If they were going to be in a relationship together, then they needed to communicate. They talked a little bit, but James didn't think it had been enough. He still had so much to say, so much to argue about. He could have made an entire list of pros and cons to fight against Teddy's decision to leave. James could have even recommend someone else go in the guard's place. Charlie for example was a fantastic tracker! Teddy may have been the best they had, but Charlie would have been a fine replacement so Teddy could stay at James' side.

On the other hand he was afraid. James didn’t have to be a genius to recognize Teddy was in an emotionally fragile state of mind. What if he couldn’t concentrate on the mission? What if he was distracted by something and got hurt? Or worse? James didn’t know what he’d do if Teddy didn’t come back. Or if Bill brought back his corpse. James might actually break if that happened.

For a moment he finally felt happy. He felt as if he belonged somewhere. He wasn’t even worried about his father ordering him to marry a woman, because whatever happened he would still have Teddy. Now? James wasn’t so sure. It seemed like their young relationship was being tested, and James was so tired of it. He wanted to be with Teddy. Why couldn’t the universe let him do that?

More than anything else, James felt ashamed of himself. Before Teddy had gone, James had actually been desperate enough to consider _ordering_ Teddy to stay. He was fully prepared to use his position to try and _control_ Teddy, to say he wasn’t allowed to go on this mission because James was the crown prince and Teddy was his guard. James had power over Teddy and he had to listen to what James said; and that was exactly what James never wanted to do.

He lifted his hands slowly, pulling the crown from his head and holding it on his lap. It was beautiful, elegantly made with gold and inlaid with diamonds and rubies. The headpiece of a king that had always been James’ birthright. As James grew older, the excitement at seeing his future crown had dwindled into a numb sensation of dislike and fear. James never wanted the crown to change him, but he felt like it already had.

After everything he’d said to Teddy about how he was more than just a soldier, James was ready to assert his power over the other man just to keep him at the castle. That wasn’t right. James knew it wasn’t right, and the shame was blinding. He wanted Teddy to be free to make decisions for himself, even if that decision was to leave on a dangerous mission.

After all, he was just trying to protect James. For his entire life, everything he did was always for James. The prince wondered miserably if Teddy had ever done anything for himself. He wondered if Teddy knew it was okay to be selfish now and then; it was healthy, even. It would probably take a while, but maybe if Teddy was relieved of some of his responsibility, brought deeper into the family, then he’d realize that it was okay to relax a little and do things for himself.

Teddy needed to be able to view himself as James' equal, and honestly, James needed to see it too. Or at least, he wanted a better reason to nag and boss Teddy around. A better reason than him being the crown prince and Teddy being a royal guard.

“Dad?”

James waited to hear the footsteps coming down the stairs. He knew everyone was still standing on the stairs, but he didn’t really care. They were going to figure out eventually. Albus already knew, and Lily probably did too. Harry sat down next to James.

“Yeah.”

“I wanna marry him.”

Harry was silent for a moment, but James could feel his eyes on him; and everyone else's eyes for that matter. Including Victoire’s. He tightened his grip on the crown as Harry gave an awkward laugh.

“What?”

“When he comes back I’m gonna ask him to marry me.”

“Who?”

“Teddy,” James clarified.

“That’s absurd!” A voice spoke from behind him, but he didn’t look up as he heard his aunt Fleur scold her oldest daughter.

“Victoire!”

“It is! James, he's not gonna say yes!”

James heard scuffling shoes as the majority of his family and their guests went back into the castle, probably herded inside by the parents before the younger nobles could make anymore quips. James remained unbothered, tracing one of the rubies set into his crown. Harry was still beside him, and seemed to wait before sighing.

“Listen, James—”

“You already gave your blessing for me to choose who I wanted to be with,” James interrupted. “Remember that? It happened right before that guy showed up and strangled me. You said I could.”

“And I meant it, but _marriage?_ Don’t you think you’re making a rather irresponsible decision? He’s not even here to discuss it with you.”

“I already know how he feels about me,” James said confidently, rubbing away a smudge on the gold. “We talked about it last night.”

Harry was silent, and James could imagine the dizzy expression he must’ve been wearing. He didn’t bother to look up, though. He didn’t need to.

“James when you talked to me about having a male partner I didn’t think you meant you wanted to _marry_ him. I certainly didn’t think you meant your guard!”

“What’s the problem?” James asked, and Harry sighed.

“Marriage is a big deal. You can’t just point at the first man you see and say you want that one.”

James turned to face Harry at that, gaping at him. “Dad, I’ve known him my entire life. Did you really expect it to be anyone else?”

“I’m just saying,” Harry lifted his hand as if to appease James, “think about it before making any decisions. Keep in mind it doesn’t absolve you from your responsibilities to the country. You still need to pair with a lady and produce an heir.”

James stared at Harry in disbelief, shaking his head. “I get it. It’s not that you don’t want me to get married, you just don’t want me to marry Teddy.” He went to stand up. “You want me to marry some bitch I don’t even know.”

“You can’t just spontaneously decide to marry a man!”

“You think it’s any better that I spontaneously decide to marry a woman?!” James snapped back. “At least I know him!”

“It would be better in the end if you married the mother of your children,” Harry tried to explain as he stood up with James.

“Why does it matter?” James demanded. “He’s worth so much more than being a mere consort. He should be king at my side.”

“That’s enough!” Harry strode up to James, who tensed up and straightened his back, glaring at Harry. “I already gave you my blessing to take a male partner as a consort, with the condition that you find a queen so you can give the country heirs. What more do you want? You have a duty, James, just like I did. Maybe I got lucky, I actually love your mother, but I’m sick of you acting so selfish! You’re going to be king one day, and you need to start acting like it.”

James stared at him before looking down at the crown in his hands. He frowned at his father. “You’re right,” he said, and Harry seemed to relax as James lifted the crown back onto his head, then gave his father a searing glare. “I _am_ going to be king one day, and the first thing I’m going to do is abolish the law that says a crown heir must marry someone for the sole purpose of producing an heir.” Harry looked shocked, but James didn’t wait for him to respond as he turned and started up the steps. “In the future, if I really have to, then I’ll take a mistress, but only as a last resort.” He stopped at the doors, looking back at his father. “But I am going to ask Teddy to marry me when he comes home, and the only one who has any right to get in my way is him. He’s the only one who has the right to reject me. _Not you.”_

Harry’s mouth was agape, and he wasn’t the only one who looked taken aback. There were a few others standing on the steps who hadn’t yet gone inside, including Albus, Lily, Scorpius, Remus, Tonks, Kingsley and Draco. James gave them all a polite bow before turning and stepping swiftly into the castle without another word. 

James swore he overheard Draco saying “I like your kid”, but it could’ve been his imagination.

He made a straight beeline for his bedroom, locking the door once he’d gotten through it and pulling the crown off. He dropped it onto his vanity, taking a moment to rub his finger where his ring usually was. The skin there was slightly discolored due to never removing it, and James could swear he still felt its weight. He loved that ring, but he didn’t mind giving it up to Teddy.

James kicked off his boots and peeled away his tunic before climbing onto his bed fully dressed, beyond grateful that the sheets hadn’t been changed yet. He curled up in the spot Teddy had slept in the night before, burying himself in the soldier’s lingering scent. He kept the silver coin clenched in his fist, and though he didn’t sleep, he stayed where he was for hours. By the time the sun was going down, Teddy’s scent was practically gone, and James punched the pillow a few times before dragging himself to his feet.

He froze when someone knocked on the door, his shoulders sagging when his mother’s voice came through the door. “Dinner’s being served, sweetheart.”

James debated what the best reply would be, silence or actually responding vocally. “I’m not hungry,” he called out, turning his back to the door and shuffling up to the glass doors that lead to his balcony.

“Honey you didn’t eat lunch. Please? You don’t have to talk to anyone.”

James pulled aside the drapes and opened the doors, stepping into the cool night air. He walked up to the stone railing, leaning against it so he could watch the sky as it was painted deep blue, purple, red and orange. He stayed there for a long time, not thinking of anything really. He simply watched the clouds move through the glowing sunset, felt the cool air gust against his exposed skin before billowing through his loose white shirt. He breathed in to smell the sweet scent of the flowers and vines growing on and along his balcony, eventually looking down, picking flowers from the vine and braiding them together absently.

His cousin, Dominique, had taught him how to braid flower crowns when he was just a kid. James could still remember sitting in the garden with her, his fingers tinted green and his back hurting from the way he was hunching over and concentrating. He remembered how proud he’d been once he’d finished, jumping to his feet and hurrying to find Teddy. He’d been at the arena as usual, but he paused in his training when he heard James, and didn’t complain when James told him to duck his head. He proudly wore the flowers on his head all day, and James felt a burst of pride whenever he saw them stuck in Teddy’s hair.

That was a long time ago. Probably before James started to develop romantic feelings for the man. He wondered idly when he _had_ started feeling something more than friendship for Teddy, but was at a loss. It was like James just woke up one day already head over heels, but none of that love had really processed until James kissed the other man. He fell for Teddy so slowly that by the time he realized it, there was no way to pull himself back up.

James lifted his head when the only light was coming from his bedroom, his eyes locking on the stars that were scattered across the sky. His heart throbbed, he lifted a hand, pressing his palm against his chest. James could imagine Teddy sleeping out in the open so he could watch the sky, finding constellations as he fell asleep. His own personal version of counting sheep.

James could feel the ghost of sensation from the memory of Teddy’s hands cradling his face, a delighted look in his eyes. _“Your freckles remind me of stars.”_

James thought he might start crying, before the sound of a door opening distracted him. He glanced over his shoulder thinking someone had managed to pick the lock in his door. His heart thundered in his chest for a moment, sending shockwaves of fear through him. When he confirmed the door was still locked, he sighed. Then he turned and set his hands on the railing, leaning over it to stare down at the ground.

His depressed mood brightened exponentially when he recognized his brother, slipping out of the side door that servants normally used. Scorpius was with him, peering back into the castle as he shut the door quietly, following Albus as he snuck along the edge of the castle.

“Isn’t it dangerous to be out right now?” Scorpius asked as he pulled his cloak tighter around his shoulders.

“What do you mean? I sneak out all the time.”

Scorpius laughed softly. “I meant because of what happened. Someone tried to kill your brother, and my dad said there’s a possibility the people might come back. He thinks they might even be in town, plotting how to get over the walls.”

“You should try not to worry about that,” Albus insisted. “Engryff’s military is one of the best, and I know a little self defense.”

“Do you?” Scorpius asked, folding his hands behind his back and following at Albus’ side.

“Yeah, my father insisted we know at least the basics. My sister went above and beyond to train with the military, so she’s way more skilled than I am, but I still know how to handle a sword.”

“Hm,” Scorpius tilted his head. “So where’s your sword?”

“I mean, I don’t carry it around.”

“Maybe you should start,” Scorpius suggested, bumping his shoulder against Albus’.

He walked a few steps ahead of Albus, who was holding his arm where Scorpius had bumped him. Even in the dim light that was coming out through the castle windows, James could see the blush on his brother’s cheeks.

A smile broke out over James’ face and he stepped back, looking around frantically before peering over the balcony again. He waited for Scorpius to be just below him before shaking the vines. Flower petals fluttered delicately around Scorpius, who paused and lifted his hands up.

“Are those flowers?”

Albus froze, looking up at the balcony. His entire body went rigid when he caught James’ eye. James grinned and offered him a thumbs up. He ducked down before Albus could flip him off, peeking down through the slots in the railing to watch Albus shuffle up to Scorpius.

“It’s just the wind blowing down flower petals,” he explained, reaching out to pick the petals out of Scorpius’ hair, smiling softly. “I don’t know, it makes you look cute.”

Scorpius looked flustered, lifting his hands back to his hair and smiling sheepishly. He turned away from Albus, his face red. James picked up the flower crown he’d made and dropped it. It landed on Albus’ head, and the younger prince jumped, yanking it off his head and gaping up at his brother. James waved his hands and pointed at Scorpius, then put his fingers together in an okay sign.

Albus pressed his lips together and looked back at Scorpius, hesitating before moving closer. He set the flower crown on Scorpius’ head, and Scorpius turned to meet Al’s eye.

“Sorry. I just thought a king deserved a crown.”

“Where’d you get this?” Scorpius asked.

Albus blanked before responding. “I made it.”

“Really fast,” Scorpius noted. He left the flower crown on his head and reached out, taking one of Albus' hands in his own and starting to walk. “You were going to show me something, right?”

“Yeah.”

“We should hurry before someone notices we’re gone. Even if we’re safe in the castle, my parents will worry if they see I’m not in my room.”

“Okay,” Albus agreed, looking up at the balcony and following Scorpius. 

James smiled at him, and he was genuinely surprised when Albus smiled back.

The only reason James went to breakfast the next morning was to tease Albus. His excitement for his brother ensured the smile and energy were both genuine. James imagined the glare Albus kept giving him was just as genuine.

“Stop smirking at me,” Albus snapped, and James beamed at him.

“I’m just very curious as to how your night went.”

“Leave me alone,” Albus snarled, shoveling scrambled eggs into his mouth. His face was as red as their country’s flag.

“I’m happy for you, Al,” James chuckled, turning to his own breakfast. “You two really do make a cute couple.”

Albus poked at the food on his plate, head bowed. “Doesn’t matter much,” he mumbled. “It’s just a stupid crush.”

“So you admit it?” James leaned towards Albus and wiggled his eyebrows.

Albus sent him a quick glare before dragging his cup of tea closer. “He’s next in line for the Scythan throne, and dad doesn’t like the idea of us _fraternising_ with people from Scythan.”

“Yes, because you always listen to what our father says,” James snorted. “Scorpius is going to be king up north, but I’m going to be king here, and you’re studying to be an Ambassador. I think it’s considered normal for an Ambassador to marry someone from a different country.”

“A king,” Albus said blankly, and James shrugged.

“Why not?”

“Look, I said it was a stupid crush. I’m not gonna marry him.” Albus turned away, his shoulders tense. “Leave me alone.”

James stared at his brother a moment before smiling. “You have every right to pursue who you want. You clearly like him, so why not court him? You have my support.”

Albus folded his arms across the edge of the table, staring down before looking over at James. “Somehow I feel like you need more support than I do right now.”

James frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You’re under way more pressure than me, and I know you didn’t sleep last night. You’re worried sick about Teddy.”

James didn’t want to respond to the comment, even if Albus was right. He slumped against the back of his seat and stared down at his lap. He clung to the silver coin in his right hand, sliding his thumb across the almost entirely smooth surface. “He’ll be okay.”

“We both know that, but it’s not gonna stop you from worrying.”

“I’d much rather talk about you and your crush.”

“Guess we’re not talking then,” Albus decided, and James laughed.

“Suit yourself, but you should still spend as much time with him as you can.” James pushed his chair out and faced Albus completely. “Considering what’s going on, it’s too dangerous for any of our guests to leave, even with their regimes of soldiers. He’ll probably get homesick and need a distraction.”

Albus lifted his eyes to stare across the table through his veil of hair, watching Scorpius as he poked at the food on his plate. “He has seemed down…”

“Then you know how to make him feel better.” James stood up, pushing his seat in.

“Are you leaving? You haven’t even touched your breakfast.”

“I’m not that hungry,” James admitted. “I’ll see you around.”

James quickly left the dining hall before anyone could stop him. His mind was in chaos as he made his way down the hall. He initially intended to lock himself back in his room, but didn’t want to be alone with just his thoughts. He would have just ended up overthinking and worrying more about Teddy. So he started for the library instead.

He slipped in before shutting the door behind him. Normally the massive library was empty unless James or his siblings were studying, and that seemed to be the case today as well. Or perhaps it was because it was still early. James made his way to the window seat near the very back of the room, hidden by tall shelves filled to spilling over with books and scrolls.

James had decided this spot was his favorite when he was much younger, because it was one of the few places in the castle, aside from the stables and Teddy’s bedroom, that he could go to in order to avoid his usual responsibilities. There was already a book sitting on the cushions that he’d left there the last time, so James picked it up before settling onto the pillowed seat. He did open the book, but he couldn’t seem to read any of the words on the page.

In the end he found himself leaning against the cushions at his back, head turned towards the window. It gave the perfect view of the gates and the road beyond it that lead out of town. The road that Teddy would be riding home on. Hopefully.

James sat there in silence and stared out the window, the book open and forgotten on his lap and the cool of the silver coin biting against his fingers as he cradled it carefully. His mind wandered aimlessly as he shifted his eyes from the treeline to the blue sky. Before Harry had appointed Teddy as his guard, James used to drag him to the library to sit there at the window with him. They would take turns picking out books from the impressive collection and read to each other. It was especially fun when the weather was bad, rain hitting the window like a lullaby as James snuggled against his friend’s side, falling asleep against him while Teddy read from a book of fairy tales.

That had been so long ago.

James wasn’t sure how long he sat there lost in his thoughts, but he jerked his head up when he heard footsteps. He was surprised when he noticed Tonks was the one who’d entered the library. She hadn’t seen James yet, looking over the books with a contemplative expression. When her eyes did pan over to James she jumped a foot in the air.

“Bugger! I’m so sorry! You’re really quiet!”

James blushed in embarrassment, sitting straighter and closing his book. “That’s my fault, I’m sorry. Are you looking for something to read?”

“Yes,” Tonks sighed, turning back to the shelves. “Since I imagine we’ll be here for a while, I thought I might look for something to read. Or at least something for my husband to read so I can take a nap.”

James laughed at that, but frowned almost immediately after. “I’m really sorry you, and everyone else, are stuck in this situation. I can’t imagine being so far from home.”

“It’s hardly your fault,” Tonks said with a benevolent smile, her eyes dropping to the book on James’ lap. “What are you reading?”

“Oh,” James looked down as Tonks stepped up to him, seeming curious. “Nothing really, I was just holding it while I stared out the window like the sad little boy I am.”

Tonks laughed again. “I admire your honesty,” she said. James held the book out for her to take without prompting, and she seemed thrilled. The excited look in her eyes dimmed somewhat to a rather wistful expression when she read the cover, smoothing a hand over the gold words printed there. “I know this book,” she said, sitting down on the other end of the window seat. “I used to read this to my son to get him to sleep.”

James felt flustered, pulling one leg against his chest and wrapping his arms around his shin. “It’s definitely a good bedtime story book,” he decided to say with a smile. “It’s a collection of, what, twenty different short stories? You could read a new one every night and never get bored with it.”

Tonks continued to smile the sad smile, feeling the edges of the book. “My son’s favorite story from it was the one about the wolf and the moon. Every night when we’d get him settled in bed we would ask what story he wanted to hear, and every single time he would say he wanted the one with the wolf king.”

James felt awed as he pulled his other leg onto the seat, crossing them and leaning forward with his hands against his ankles. “That’s Teddy’s favorite story too,” he said.

Tonks seemed to freeze before turning her head to glance at James. “That’s… your guard. The one who left yesterday morning.”

James gaped at her before bowing his head, his shoulders sinking. “Yeah.” He picked at the worn leather on the heel of his boot idly. “He used to read that book to me. I liked hearing new ones, but he’d always return to the one about the wolf.” He turned the coin around between his fingers a few times. “The one about the rabbit is pretty good too.”

“What’s that?” Tonks asked, and James tapped the coin before holding it out.

“Just a trinket,” he lied. “Teddy gave it to me before he left. A good luck charm I suppose.”

Tonks didn’t take the coin from him, but she leaned closer to get a better look, her nose scrunching up in a way that was somehow familiar. Her face smoothed out into a startled expression and she sat straighter, turning to look through a pouch at her thigh. She pulled out a coin that was glowing silver, in far better condition than the one James was holding. The queen turned and held the coin out beside the other, and James stared down at them speechlessly.

“That’s Waluff currency,” Tonks said in awe. “It’s rare to find it in one of our neighboring countries since we usually only use it for local purchasing purposes.” She sat back, holding the coin close as she stared at James. “How long have you known your guard?”

“Oh, I… since I was born I suppose.” James answered. “He’s six years older, and he was already training with Kingsley when I came along. He was always there while I was growing up. So, twenty years I guess, is the short answer.”

Tonks looked hopeful and anxious at the same time. “Where did he come from?”

James shrugged his shoulders. “No one knows, actually. Kingsley and my uncle Bill found him wandering around the outskirts of town. He had a bad head wound, and couldn’t seem to remember anything beyond his name.”

Tonks looked devastated at that. “He doesn’t remember anything…”

“No, but, he’s never let it bother him much. I suppose because he’s just kept himself busy continuously, never given himself a chance to really think about it.” James dropped his eyes slowly to the coin. “I… don’t think I want him to.”

“What? Why not? It’s his memory.”

“I know, and I won’t stop him if he pursues the truth, but… I’m worried it would hurt him.” James slowly turned the coin around. “Whatever caused him to lose his memories wasn’t anything pleasant. Nothing good would cause you to bleed, or leave the scar that it did. He forgot where he came from and who he was before, and I can’t even imagine how scary it must have been to not have an identity; but he also forgot the trauma that landed him here. I don’t want him to remember it. I don’t want him to get hurt.” He whispered the last bit, making a fist around the coin until his nails were biting into his palm.

The Waluff queen was quiet for a drawn out amount of time before she finally responded. “No… I suppose you’re right,” and she sounded sad, but she still managed to smile at James. “Would you mind if I borrowed this book?”

“No, go ahead,” James agreed readily, and Tonks nodded before rising to her feet.

“It was nice chatting with you, your majesty.”

“You can just call me James. I prefer it actually.”

“Sure,” Tonks laughed softly. “Have a good rest of your day.”

“You as well.”

James waited to hear the door open and close for Tonks before pulling his feet back onto the cushions. He picked up one of the decorative pillows adorning the seat before leaning back, setting his head against the window and hugging the pillow between his raised legs and his chest. Despite the anxiety that was still racing through him, he felt a sensation of calm after talking to someone. The glass his cheek was pressed against was warm from the sun, and James found his eyes fluttering before he’d even realized he was tired, falling into a fitful sleep before the morning had even changed to midday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update Scheduled: Monday July 13th


	12. Lost in Madness

Teddy’s mind had become chaotic. When he wasn’t navigating or missing James, he was lost in thought, going through every detail of each dream he’d had since the first. He thought of the trees he’d sprinted through before falling into the river, and the man with the fake leg that he was confident he must have known well at some point.

Every time they stopped for the night, Teddy knew he was going to end up having another dream. It seemed the further away they got from the capital, the more frequently they came, and the more lucid they were. Part of Teddy still felt doubtful that any of them were actually memories, but it was starting to get harder to pretend they were just dreams. Especially when he could still feel the phantom sensation of a cold chain around his neck, a heavy pendant pressing into his sternum.

Sometimes Teddy would catch himself feeling around his neck and chest, as if he thought the necklace was still there. He swore he could still feel its weight, and it was driving him mad.

Teddy took to sketching out parts of his dreams whenever he woke up, thanking everything above that he’d remembered to bring his journal along just in case. He sketched the scarred up face of the man with the eye patch, he sketched the path and the trees that lined each side, he sketched the arm of the man who grabbed him by the front of his shirt, and the dark mark marring his skin. He sketched the pendant, which he was certain had to be a locket. It was heavy, like something was inside, but of course Teddy couldn’t remember what.

It was made of gold and silver, with a wolf embossed on the front and gems inlaid around it. Compared to some of the jewelry he’d been exposed to as a royal guard, it was quite simple, but it was still one of the most beautiful, elegant things he’d ever seen. From what Teddy could guess, it had been taken from him, likely because of how valuable it was. It made him so angry he felt nauseous, because somehow he knew that necklace was important to him, a link to his past that was ripped away from him by selfish people.

He didn’t understand why he would have something so valuable, though. He wasn’t important enough to own something so lovely, he was just an amnesiac orphan. Then again, he wasn’t always an orphan. That locket was supposed to prove he had a past, and a family. That was why the man with the eye-patch insisted he keep it close, because it was his identifier, and it was supposed to help him get home.

It was his own fault for pulling it out of his shirt. He should have kept it hidden rather than wave it around. He was an idiot.

They’d been travelling for a few days now, only able to ride a few kilometres before it got dark and they needed to stop and rest. The small group had started to notice Teddy’s drastic change of mood. Where he was in generally high spirits on the first day, he’d started getting more and more stressed out and anxious as the days went on. Teddy didn’t want to tell any of them he was having strange dreams. Not after he screamed himself awake the first time.

Bill was worried about him, occasionally trying to coax Teddy into talking, but Teddy would simply brush him off and ride faster to put distance between them. Colin and Neville were less vocal about their concern, but it was hard to miss how gentle and cautious they were around Teddy. Like they didn’t want to push him or make him snap. Teddy certainly felt as if he might.

He’d started to bed down further away from the others, nearby Cress, who would often hunker down onto the ground with him at night. It was almost like she could feel how stressed Teddy was, doing what she could to make him feel better by cuddling up beside him as he slept. Teddy appreciated it, and honestly didn’t know what he’d do without her there for support.

He pretended not to hear when Cormac voiced his concerns at night, saying he thought Teddy was coming unhinged, and maybe he shouldn’t be on this mission. Honestly, Teddy was half prepared to agree with him and insist he go home, but what would Harry think of him if he did that? Showed up at the castle alone saying he got homesick and was going insane? How could Harry trust him to protect James if he couldn’t finish one simple mission? Teddy couldn’t go back yet. He needed to see this through, even if by the end of it he’d come undone from the nightmares.

Fuck he missed James. They’d only spent one night together, but already Teddy was missing how good it felt to sleep beside the younger man. To simply hold him. It was a comforting warmth Teddy doubted he’d get anywhere else, and something he was desperate to have now. Teddy needed the comfort now more than ever, but he had to deal with it alone. He was miserable.

By the time they reached the intersection, Teddy was seriously thinking about what Kingsley had said before, about leaving the military and becoming a scholar. He was a good soldier, but if it meant being separated from James during these unexpectedly vulnerable times, then he didn’t want to risk it. Maybe that made him weak. He didn’t know. He didn’t really know if he should even care. He was so tired. Maybe he just wasn’t meant to be a soldier. Was that such a shameful thing to admit? Or maybe it would have been easier if he wasn’t being constantly bombarded by nightmares with no one to talk to about them.

Sure he trusted Bill, but Teddy couldn’t seem to get himself to confide in him. Not like he could with Kingsley or James. It wasn’t the same.

They traveled north for a day and a half following the intersection before anything caught Teddy’s eye, and if he’d been at the front, he probably would have missed it completely. He was lagging a few paces behind the others, staring down at where the reins were hanging loosely in his gloved hands. He raised his head just to make sure the others were still in front of him, and a sting of pain went through his head.

He pulled at Cress’ reins to halt her, rubbing his eyes and cringing before looking up again. The edges of his vision were foggy as his eyes moved from one edge of the path to the other. It could have been that he was really losing his mind, but he could have sworn he recognized the path they were on. Somewhere in his dizzy head he remembered the firm hand clamped over his own, the way he stumbled over the path because there was a dip in the ground.

“Hey!” Cormac called back to him. “Why’d you stop?!”

Teddy ignored him, staring at the trees to the right before reaching into his saddle bag for the map.

“Ted?” Bill had turned his horse to wander back towards him. “What is it?”

“Hold on,” Teddy mumbled. “Where are we on the map?”

“Between the intersection, here.” Bill pointed. “There’s nowhere to pull off for a few kilometres.”

“Yeah and we should go now,” Cormac sighed. “I’m tired. I want to set up camp before dark.”

“That’s not right,” Teddy said, staring at the map. He put his finger on the line of the map that represented the path they were on, trailing it to the left. On the map all he saw were trees, a forest that went on for miles with no breaks. “There’s something this way.”

“No, that’s ridiculous,” Cormac rode up alongside Teddy, tapping the paper. “This is the most detailed and up to date map we have, if there was anything in the forest to the west it would be marked down.”

Teddy pulled the map away from Cormac, giving him a dirty look before glancing back down at the map.

“Let’s keep going,” Bill suggested, but Teddy shook his head.

“There’s another path.”

“How would you even know?” Cormac asked, riding down the path away from Teddy and Bill. “You’ve never been out of the capitol!”

“I have, actually,” Teddy mumbled, rolling the map up and returning it to his saddle bag.

Bill backed his horse up when Teddy dismounted. “Teddy, I know it may not be my place to ask, but if there’s something bothering you then you can talk to me.”

“I’m fine,” Teddy said, patting Cress’ neck as he walked in front of her to reach the left side of the path. “It’s just instinct.”

“Instinct strong enough that you’re convinced there’s a hidden path?”

“Just trust me,” Teddy insisted, looking back at Bill. “Have I ever let you down?”

Bill shrugged. “No, but you have been distracted. You’re sure you’re not —”

“Going crazy?” Teddy asked, and Bill furrowed his brow.

“I wasn’t going to say that.”

“Sure,” Teddy murmured as he started to pace along the edge between the path and the forest. “If you want to go ahead and set up camp you can, I’ll meet up with you. Right now I just need you to trust me.” He kicked at a rock in his way, eyes locked on the trees, searching for an opening that sparked something in his memory. “I know it sounds mad, but I know there’s a path here, Bill.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I remem—” Teddy grunted when he felt his foot sink into a dip in the ground, stumbling and cringing as his ankle rolled, sending him toppling over onto his face.

“Ted!” Bill called out as Teddy gripped the bandage on his head.

He winced as he pushed himself onto his elbows, staring to the left into the trees as his mind spun. For a moment he felt like he was somewhere else. The sky above was dark, the clouds were gray, and the air smelt of rain.

He’d fallen, much like now, rolling his ankle and landing in the dirt, his head turned in such a way that had him staring at a path hidden by tree branches. The only reason he saw it was because he’d fallen. The man with the eye-patch had been making him walk so fast, and he was tired, stumbling and tripping and close to breaking down.

_ “Get that clumsy little bastard up!” _

Teddy felt hands under his arms, forced to stand before a hand squeezed his shoulder. The man whispered to him.  _ “Remember the plan. When I tell you to run, you run.” _

“Are you hurt?” Teddy jerked when he felt the hand on his arm, turning his head as Bill and Neville hauled him to his feet.

“No,” Teddy lied, limping to the trees. “Look.” He reached his arm out, pulling the branches aside to show the narrow path leading into the dark of the trees. It definitely wasn’t traveled often, but it was very obviously a hidden path.

“Fuck,” Teddy heard Cormac whisper.

Teddy didn’t bother to give him a smug look, focused on the tree in front of him. The trunk was huge, and the top of the tree towered. It had to be ancient, which was remarkable, but Teddy was more interested in the carving chipped into the bark. He never would have seen it if he didn’t already know about the path; if he wasn’t looking for it.

“Bill,” Teddy waved his hand towards Cress, “the knife, get me the knife.”

“Knife,” Bill repeated, jogging over to dig in the saddlebag, bringing the knife over to Teddy and unwrapping the cloth. “Why?”

Teddy took it from him, stepping up to the tree and holding the blade up to the carving. It matched the dark mark etched into the flat of the blade, and beneath it was a smear of something. It was dry, but Teddy could tell just by looking that it was blood.

“Looks like your instincts were right,” Bill noted. “What should we do?”

Teddy looked into the trees, his heart racing so fast he could feel it in his throat. “We follow it.”

“Colin, Neville, tie the horses on the other side of the path, make sure they’re hidden.” Bill ordered. “We’ll have to go on foot, the path is too narrow for them.”

Teddy didn’t wait for them before stepping into the trees, keeping his right hand outstretched to touch the trees as he passed them. His ankle hurt, but it was a mild pain compared to the ache in his head, and the sting at his hairline from the wound that was still healing.

He felt desperate the longer they walked. He felt like he was getting closer and closer to the truth with every step. Somewhere during the mission he’d stopped chasing the Deatheater who attacked James and started chasing his memories. Even though James and Kingsley were both scared for him, worried that regaining his memories would do more harm than good.

Teddy was too close to it now to stop. He needed to know, and maybe it really was instinct, but he knew without a doubt that being on this path would lead him to the truth.

“It’ll be dark soon,” Colin noted at some point, but Teddy barely heard him.

He saw a clearing ahead, waving for Bill to come closer as they stepped off the path. The five of them ducked behind trees and bushes at the edge of the clearing, peering out in awe at what they saw.

It was a larger area than Teddy had expected, and sitting in the middle was a decrepit old two storied house. Some of the windows were broken or boarded up and the thatched roof was falling to pieces. Dead vines and moss covered the building. For all intensive purposes it looked like it should have been abandoned, but there was smoke curling from the stone chimney.

“Shit,” Colin hissed. “What do we do?”

Bill was clinging to the handle of his sword, his brow furrowed and his shoulders tense. “We do what we came here to do.”

They crept from around their hiding places, crouching low as they stepped into the clearing. Teddy let his eyes flicker to each window, but he saw no sign that they were being watched. A small miracle in the long run, and their good luck seemed to dissolve almost immediately when Colin tripped the moment he stepped around the bush he was behind.

“Bugger!” he yelled in a whisper, rolling onto his back and sitting up, freezing when his eyes fell on what he tripped over.

A suspiciously shaped mound of dirt, the exact size of a human.

“It’s a grave,” Neville said. “No marker, though.”

“Who d’you suppose it is?” Cormac whispered, and Neville shook his head.

“Why would I know that?” He asked, helping Colin to his feet. “Let’s go.”

Teddy stared at the grave, his head spinning. His breath was coming in short and it felt as if his skull was being cracked open. The man with the eye-patch, who tried so hard to protect him… it couldn't be him… god, if it was him…

“Ted, get your sword,” Bill ordered.

Teddy obeyed, unsheathing his sword and turning away from the grave. He followed Bill to the front door, watching as he reached out to test the doorknob. It was open. Bill pulled his hand away once he’d opened the door, turning his palm up to show a smear of mostly dried blood. He shared a look with Teddy, and Teddy took the lead, passing Bill and entering the house first.

It was cold, despite the fire in the fireplace, and it looked completely empty. Each room was scarcely decorated, but did look lived in for the most part. There was preserved food in the kitchen, a pot of stew that was still edible cooking in a cauldron in the fireplace. The milk was turned, but there were tins of tea leaves. Cups of half finished coffee and tea were in the living area, opened books abandoned on the chairs and couch. There wasn’t a hint of dust in the house, and it didn’t smell as musty as Teddy had expected.

There were a few rooms, and a staircase that led to the second floor. Teddy didn’t think an injured man would be able to get up the stairs, so he waved Colin and Cormac up the steps, taking the first floor with Neville and Bill.

It didn’t take long to find him. He was in a room at the end of the hall, lying in bed with his eyes closed. His face was white, and initially Teddy thought he was dead. The cloak was draped over the back of a chair beside the bed, leaving the man in threadbare shirt and trousers.

Teddy stepped closer, holding his sword out and setting the sharp tip threateningly against the man’s throat. He jerked awake, or perhaps he hadn’t been sleeping, his eyes going wide in shock and fear when he saw Teddy.

“Good morning,” Teddy greeted in a monotone voice. “How are you feeling today?”

The man seemed to panic, not nearly as calm and collected as he’d been when he came to murder James. “You came to kill me,” he squeaked fearfully.

“I’m not gonna kill you,” Teddy disagreed. “You have a few questions to answer. Oh, yes, that reminds me.” He pulled the knife from his belt, leaning down and swinging his arm to dig the blade into the headboard just beside the man’s ear, making him shriek. “You forgot this.”

“Teddy,” Bill chided. Teddy slowly moved away from the bed, standing back so Bill could take his place. “You gave us quite the slip. Took us a few days to track you.”

The man just sneered at him. “That doesn’t make you special just because you found me.”

“You’re not the only one we found, though,” Bill noted, looking around the room. “How many Deatheaters live here?” The man looked anxious at the question. “I assume after the war, the lot of you that were left came here to hide. We probably never would have found you if you’d stayed underground.”

“It’s just me,” the man said quickly.

Neville stepped forward. “How’s the hand?”

The Deatheater looked nauseous. He lifted his left arm, showing off the stump wrapped in bloody bandages. Neville gave a hum.

“I thought you might lose it.”

“The bitch. It was a lucky shot.”

Teddy took a threatening step forward but Bill held an arm out to stop him. “You’re not in any position to fight us at the moment, sir. If you cooperate, we can help you. We have medicine.”

Teddy wanted to argue, but Bill knew what he was doing. He had far more experience with negotiating than Teddy, and at the moment Teddy was just too angry to watch. He turned, sheathing his sword and leaving the room. Neville and Bill could deal with the bastard.

He made his way up the stairs to find Colin and Cormac. They were searching a large room at the back, one that looked far more put together than the rest of the house. Even the bed looked more elegant, covered in black silk sheets with a canopy above it. The walls were clean and covered in tapestries and paintings, the floor was scrubbed and covered in animal fur rugs. There was a second fireplace against one wall, and a huge vanity stained black. It smelt heavily of soap and flowers.

“We think their leader must stay in this room,” Colin said after greeting Teddy. "It’s the only one not falling to pieces.”

“It’s a she,” Cormac said, standing at the wardrobe and holding a dress that seemed too fancy for the cottage. “Unless it’s a he who likes wearing dresses.”

“That’s possible,” Colin said.

“Bill and Neville are with the Deatheater.”

“You found him then?” Cormac threw the dress onto the bed and reached for his sword.

“He’s not going anywhere,” Teddy reassured, scuffing his shoes against the ground as he stepped across the room. “He’s got one hand and a fever.”

“Damn.”

“She’s got a collection of jewelry there,” Colin said, crouching at a trunk at the end of the bed and waving a dismissive hand to the vanity. “Some of it is really nice, but we didn’t really look at it. More dresses in here.”

Teddy stared at the jewelry dishes on the vanity, lifting a few things to look at just to distract himself as the other two soldiers checked the rest of the room. He felt like he was finally calming down from the stress of what was happening, as if they’d reached the climax of their mission. Everything from then on would be smooth sailing. He felt a little disappointed, if he was being honest.

Then he saw it.

The little wooden jewelry box made of black wood, a tiny silver clip securing it closed. The dark mark was carved into the top and painted the same silver. Teddy opened it, and his heart stopped. There was one piece of jewelry sitting in the green velvet interior. A pendant made of silver and gold, decorated with precious gems with a wolf embossed on the front. Attached to a broken chain.

Teddy’s vision spun as he reached out with a shaking hand, hyperventilating as he dragged the box closer, dropping it to the floor with a clatter as he held up the locket. The pendant was as big as he remembered, heavy in his palm. The metal was cold, and though it definitely looked like it missed a few cleaning sessions, it was exactly the same as Teddy remembered.

If this locket was real, then what else from his dreams were real?

“Hey… Teddy, are you okay?” Colin asked in a cautious voice.

Teddy didn’t look at him as he turned, clinging to the locket. “I can’t breathe,” he said, but didn’t wait for Colin to help as he started for the door.

He had tunnel vision as he clung to the banister and staggered down the stairs. He stumbled, slamming into the wall and grabbing onto it with one hand, dragging himself down the hall towards the Deatheaters room. Bill was still talking to him, so Neville was the one who noticed Teddy first. He looked alarmed at his sudden appearance, and must have asked what was wrong, but Teddy could only concentrate on the man in the bed.

He looked panicked, sitting up and leaning against the headboard as Teddy stepped into the room. Teddy pushed Bill to the side when the man tried to block him, grabbing the knife he’d dug into the headboard and kneeling on the edge of the bed. He pressed the blade of the knife against the man’s throat, holding the locket up.

“What is this?” He asked, his voice trembling.

The man whined. “I don’t know!”

“Fuck you! You know what this is! You took this! You and your bastard group — you stole it!” The man whimpered, tilting his head back to alleviate the pressure of the knife against his throat. “Who’s buried outside?!”

“Teddy,” Bill’s tone was raised in warning, but Teddy ignored him.

“Tell me the truth,” Teddy demanded, “or I promise I will slit your throat with your own knife.”

The man whimpered again, crying when Teddy pressed the knife harder against his neck, drawing a drop of blood that dripped down his throat. “Alright! Alright! I’ll tell you!” he sobbed. “I’ll tell you everything!”

Teddy pulled the knife back, his heart thundering as he held the locket up again. “Tell me what you know,” he ordered in a soft voice.

The man gasped. “I wasn’t there that day,” he insisted in a squeaky voice. “I swear I wasn’t. I was just here when they got back.”

“Was I with them?” Teddy asked in a trembling voice.

“What?” Bill whispered, stepping closer.

The man shook his head. “No. No, you ran off. A few of us chased you. You were too fast.”

Teddy dropped his head, taking a sharp breath in before lifting his head again. “What happened to the man I was with?”

“You remember him,” the man stated in a mumble, looking fearful. “He…”

Teddy ground his teeth together. “He’s outside, then?”

“I’m not the one who did it!” The man insisted. “He got in the way. Bringing him along wasn’t the plan, he just got in the way. He was just collateral damage.”

“Collateral damage,” Teddy repeated, putting the knife back against the man’s throat. “He was protecting me, and you killed him.”

“Why do you care?! You don’t even remember!”

“I remember enough.” Teddy glared at the man, who looked like he was close to blacking out from fear. Teddy took a shaky breath. “Who am I?” he asked, and the man pressed his lips in a tight line. “You know who I am — you know.” He felt like he was close to tears, his entire body shaking. “Tell me who I am.”

The man hesitated, but before he could answer, the front door opened. The man’s eyes glinted and he sat up. “Help! Help!”

“Bloody hell.” Bill grabbed Teddy, dragging him away from the bed. “There’s a back door, go!”

“No! Just give me one more minute with him!” Teddy yelled, fighting against Bill as he was dragged out of the room.

“There’s no time!”

Teddy saw the trio of cloaked figures when they got into the hall. Cormac was already at the back door, kicking it down and holding an arm out to urge Neville and Colin to move faster. Bill was shoving Teddy down the hall, but Teddy was still facing the front. He saw the Deatheater lift the crossbow, panic surging through him.

He grabbed Bill, using all his strength to physically spin the older man around, putting himself between he and the enemy. He heard the whistle when the bolt was loosed, then a thunk at his left. A grunt seemed to fly from his throat without his control, and his left arm numbed rapidly.

“Ted!” Bill caught Teddy as he slumped forward, wrapping his arms around Teddy. He had to drag the younger soldier as he started backing up towards the door.

Colin was the one who ran to help, grabbing Teddy’s right arm and hauling him out the door. “Run! Come on, Teddy, run!”

Teddy stumbled, supported on both sides. He was terribly confused at the situation, wondering what had happened, why Cormac and Neville were holding crossbows up, shooting over their heads. Teddy felt numb, his feet felt heavy, and Bill was cursing colorfully. Teddy had never heard him curse like that before.

“Fuck, we can’t do this,” Colin whispered, letting go of Teddy and turning. “Get him out of here, I’ll follow you.”

“You can’t fight them off by yourself!” Bill yelled, and Colin gave him a grin.

“Leave my horse for me, I’ll meet you at the castle.” He turned again, frowning deeply. “Let me do this, Bill. Get him back to our prince.”

Teddy could hear the conversation, but it wasn’t processing. He was being dragged down the path, his heart in his ears.

“You need to keep moving, Teddy. I know you’re tired, but you need to keep going. Think about James.” Teddy furrowed his brow as Bill pulled him onto the main path. Neville and Cormac were already leading the horses out.

“Where’s Colin?” Neville asked, and Bill shook his head.

“Leave his horse. He said he’d be right behind.”

“He’s bleeding a lot,” Cormac said.

Teddy didn’t know who he was talking about. He was too busy wondering why Neville and Bill were helping him mount his horse. Though he had to note he felt awfully tired. He struggled to pull himself into the saddle, clinging to the reins and crumpling forward. Teddy didn’t know what was going on, but he did know he’d have to hold on tight if he didn’t want to fall off.

It was only after they started riding at full speed that it finally caught up to Teddy. The agonizing pain going through his shoulder, back, down into his chest. It hurt to breathe, and he wheezed with each inhale, his vision blurry. He clung to the reins and continued to ride as quickly as he could. They couldn’t stop. Even though it hurt, and he could feel blood soaking his shirt beneath his armor. The crossbow bolt must have gotten right into the gap between the armor on his shoulder and his back.

It hurt. Fuck. He could taste blood. Teddy was near to panicking, but he could feel the weight of the locket in his fist, tightening his grip and leaning forward to coax Cress into going faster. He had to get home. He had to see James. Fuck.

_ This was all his fault. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm sorry that this chapter is a few days late. I haven't been having a very good week, and though this chapter was finished and ready to be posted on time, my mood ended up distracting me and I didn't get it out Monday morning like usual. I'm still technically on a writing hiatus, mainly because I can't seem to write anything, though I did manage to write a oneshot for B. I'm actually pretty happy about that, cuz it's the first thing I've written in, like, two weeks.
> 
> I have the next chapter written for this fic, I just have to rewrite the second part and edit to make it a bit smoother (and there's some parts in previous chapters I'd like to refine cuz I'm a lowkey perfectionist). Anyway, I'm not entirely sure when I'll post the next chapter. I'm still really low and depressed and trying to work through it, but I'm going to try and get it out either Monday or Wednesday. I'm sorry again for being late.
> 
> If anyone needs to contact me or yell at me you can do so on Tumblr @/theprodigypenguin. Although I'm also taking a short Tumblr hiatus too, after an incident that went down last week. That's actually the reason I've been so depressed for the past few days, because someone who doesn't even know me decided to attack me for no reason. That was fun. I'm sure they feel very proud of themselves for sending me into a mental break. Good job whoever you are.
> 
> Sorry, I'll stop.
> 
> Anyway, I'm more active on my Instagram @/theprodigypenguin (they all have the same url so it's easy to find). So if you need to contact me for some reason you'll have a better chance of catching me on Instagram. I hope you're all having a good day, and again I'm really sorry for the lateness.
> 
> Next update: either July 20th or July 22nd (if my mood gets better).


	13. Answer

A week went by without incident after Teddy left for his mission. The royals and nobles who’d come for the coronation were still stuck in Engryff, the gates were still shut, and there were two regimes of soldiers camping around the edge of the city itself for protection. Harry and the other crowns were prepared for a fight, but  _ nothing was happening. _ James was starting to think his attack had been a fluke by someone posing as a Deatheater, just to get a rise out of the kingdom and cause general chaos.

Harry was going above and beyond trying to keep his family safe. Soldiers were posted everywhere, and it was hard for James to do anything by himself. The only time he could be alone was when he was locked in his bedroom. He couldn’t even be alone in the library anymore. He was starting to lose his mind.

Harry managed to catch him just after breakfast on the third day of their lockdown, taking him by the arm and pulling him aside for a private talk. “This is a good opportunity to get to know some of these nice girls a bit better.”

James had winced in dislike at the statement. That was the last thing he wanted to do. The fact Harry was recommending it when James had already confessed his intention to propose to Teddy made him feel blindsided and small.

James had to get more creative with his hiding places after that. When no one was around he was able to sneak into Teddy’s empty bedroom, and spent most of his freetime there. More than once he’d fallen asleep on Teddy’s bed. It wasn’t as comfortable as the one in his own room, but it held Teddy’s scent. The entire room smelt like him, and it was comforting to say the least. James missed him so much it hurt.

There was no way to contact him during the mission, no way to know if he was safe or not. All James could do was try to distract himself and hope the soldier would come home soon.

By the fifth day, Harry was sick of his heir dipping out of social gatherings. He revoked his initial statement saying James had to court the noble girls so long as he stopped isolating and actually showed up for meals.

James decided not to tell the king he’d been sneaking into the kitchen for food and hanging out with the chefs and servants to avoid having to talk to anyone else.

He supposed it wasn’t that bad, having to show up in the dining hall twice a day. His siblings sat on either side of him, followed by the other heirs from their neighboring kingdoms. That meant there was a decent shield separating him from the bachelorettes who hadn’t stopped sending him eager gazes and faux smiles of politeness. Besides, he liked teasing Albus about Scorpius, who’d taken to sitting beside the future Ambassador at the table instead of between his parents. James thought it was cute, Albus thought James needed to fuck off about it.

Their guests definitely seemed a bit stir crazy and homesick, but Lily was more than happy to keep the two prince’s from Ravire company. James had caught them out in the arena on multiple occasions. With training swords of course. James doubted Kingsley would allow them to use real swords, even when all they were doing was practicing footwork.

Lysander actually seemed interested in learning swordplay, listening to Lily’s instructions with curious eyes and eagerly hanging on her every word. Lorcan on the other hand seemed less motivated. Oftentimes he’d wander off the arena when his brother and Lily weren’t paying attention. He’d stop at the closest patch of grass and sit cross legged with the sword across his lap, simply staring at the sky and enjoying the sun. When Lysander picked up on the fact his brother was gone he would go through a moment of panic, looking frantically around the area before relaxing once he’d caught sight of Lorcan.

If the castle lockdown had done any good, it was the fact James was getting to know the other royals so well. When he took over the throne he’d be ruling alongside Lysander and Scorpius, so it was good to get to know them while they were all still young. James seemed to get along with them all, and he looked forward to the noon time lunch they would take together.

While the adults took their lunch in a different area of the castle, James, his siblings, and the other heirs got the drawing room to themselves. It was the only time James didn’t argue about leaving his room, because he genuinely enjoyed spending time with these people; and it was a good distraction from his loneliness and anxiety.

James sat on the window seat, his feet pulled onto the cushion and his arms folded around his lifted knees. His eyes were locked on the castle gates, willing them to open. Occasionally he let his eyes flicker to the sky, which had started to darken subtly from clouds. It seemed almost like the weather was trying to catch up to how miserable James felt. He was fine with it, he didn’t hate the rain, but it would be nice if the sky waited for a bit longer before it started to downpour.

At least until Teddy returned home.

“Anytime you want to join us would be nice,” Albus called over.

James turned his head, tearing his eyes from the sky to look over at his brother. He and Scorpius were sitting on one of the two couches set up in front of the fireplace. Lily, Lysander, and Lorcan had commandeered the second couch. The glass coffee table between them was covered in plates of food.

James had to drag himself away from the window, shuffling up to the couch and dropping to sit beside Albus. “Looks like it might rain,” he said, reaching out for one of the small plates.

“It is getting late in the summer,” Scorpius said. “I’m surprised the days are still as warm as they are.”

“Not used to it?” Albus asked, and Scorpius smiled at him.

“It’s just a tad bit colder where I’m from.”

“Same goes for us,” Lysander added. “You get more sun than we do. Of course that could just be due to the position of our capital compared to yours. There are parts of Ravire that get a lot of sun.”

Lorcan turned to him. “I like the beaches.”

Lysander hummed. “That’s true. Some of the beaches get sun.”

“Waluff’s capital is right beside the ocean,” Scorpius said. “I’ve heard. I’ve never been there.”

“Us either,” Lily murmured sadly before brightening. “Kingsley has! He says it’s beautiful there!”

“It’s not likely we’ll ever be able to go there,” Lysander admitted. “Not unless the king and queen have a child in the next few years. That would prompt us to visit for a coronation just to be polite.”

“I’m studying to be an Engryff Ambassador,” Albus revealed. “I’ll be able to go whenever I want so long as I have a political excuse.”

Lysander frowned at that. “Wish I could do that.”

“I could do that too!” Lily said cheerfully. “I could come along as your military guard! Oh.” She turned her head to look at James sheepishly. “Um.”

James shrugged. “Don’t worry about it, Lil. I’m fine being stuck here. I like Engryff.” James smiled at his sister, then Albus, before focusing on his plate of food. “Staying here is my responsibility. I’m fine with that.” The room became uncomfortably silent then, so James set his plate down. “Just juice? Does anyone want tea? I’ll go get some.”

The door opened before he could stand, as if someone had been waiting on the other side for the best moment to enter the room. James felt a little taken aback when Victoire walked in with Delphini. He remembered her because she was the first girl he danced with during his coronation. She was dressed a bit more simply than before, in a deep green colored dress. Her hair was braided back, and she was carrying a silver platter.

There was a teapot and cups on the platter, and Victoire was holding another platter of cups. She looked a little less enthusiastic than Delphini, and didn’t bother to look at James as she carried the platter over to a table beside the door. Where servants usually prepared tea.

“Hello,” Delphini greeted, letting Victoire take the platter so she could bow. “I hope we’re not interrupting at all.”

James slumped against the back of his couch and huffed through his nose, but Lily smiled at her. “Of course not. We were just thinking of going for some tea.”

“Oh, how lucky!” Delphini decided. “I wanted to prepare some tea, just, you know,” her eyes flickered to James, “to be polite.”

James rolled his head away to give Albus a look. Albus pressed his lips into a tight line as if to keep himself from laughing. That was oh so kind of him to laugh at his brother’s distress. Not entirely unexpected, though.

“What are you doing?” Lily whispered as Victoire brought her a cup of tea while Delphini busied herself, preparing the rest of the cups.

“She’s trying really hard, and she came here almost entirely alone aside from one or two servants,” Victoire explained, giving James a pointed look. “She’s lonely; be nice to her.”

James had to fend off the groan of irritation, giving a tight smile as Delphini brought a platter of cups to the table.

“Here. I’m used to making my own tea. I don’t have many servants at home. I do a lot on my own.” She set the platter on the coffee table and started picking up cups, handing them out.

James cautiously took the cup she offered him. “Thank you. This was very kind of you to do.”

Delphini looked delighted at the praise, taking the armchair nearest James while Victoire sat beside Lily. “I didn’t know if you liked sugar or honey, so I added both.”

“To mine,” James ventured for clarity, and Delphini nodded. “Yeah, I like both. One or the other — or both. It’s fine, I’m sure it tastes great. What leaves did you use?”

“Oh, green, it’s my favorite,” her eyes were locked on James, filled with light he couldn’t quite interpret. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, green tea is fine.”

“Try it. Did I do okay?”

James turned his eyes away to look down as he lifted the cup, inhaling the steam and the aroma of the tea before blowing on it. He lifted the cup towards his lips, nearly spilling it when Albus grabbed his forearm. He squeezed so hard it hurt, but when James turned to tell him off he froze. Albus was tense, his eyes wide. He looked shocked, as if he didn’t realize what he’d just done.

“Wait a minute,” he said, but before he could explain further, the door was slammed open.

James did spill that time, jumping in surprise and cursing as hot tea scalded his knees. “Bloody hell!” He turned his head to yell, freezing when he saw Charlie standing in the doorway.

He looked alarmed and breathless, his cheeks red and his eyes wide as he clung to the door handle. His eyes were locked on James, not bothering to greet the room before speaking. “Dennis Creevey is stationed at the wall. He just yelled that horses rode into town. They’re opening the gates now.”

“Teddy?” James asked hopefully as he put the half empty cup on the table, knocking it over and spilling the rest of the tea as he got to his feet. He jogged over to join his uncle at the door. “Is it Teddy?”

“It may be. I wanted to let you know. Dennis ran to find Kingsley and Harry. Come on.”

James was vaguely aware of Delphini and Victoire following. He thought he heard Albus say “don’t drink the tea” but couldn’t be sure. All he cared about was running to the courtyard. The doors were already opened, and James halted at the top of the stairs, watching as four horses stormed into the courtyard.

His heart swelled in relief when he recognized Cress, lifting his eyes to where Teddy was in the saddle. He was hunched over clinging to the reins, and a frown quickly took to James’ lips as Bill turned and waved an arm towards the soldiers behind them.

“Shut the gates!” He ordered before swinging himself out of the saddle. He jogged up to Cress and reached up to take Teddy by the arm.

James felt frozen to the top of the steps, holding his breath and watching as Neville ran over to help Bill. They seemed to be struggling to get Teddy down, and James felt his heart racing faster as Teddy dragged one foot from the stirrup to get his leg over the saddle, attempting to dismount his horse. When his feet finally hit the ground, his knees buckled beneath his weight. He staggered, slumping forward. Bill and Neville barely caught him, snapping things to each other that James couldn’t hear from the distance he stood at.

The two guards carefully lowered Teddy towards the ground, and Cress whinnied. She threw her head up in distress, stomping the ground with her hooves and trying to get close to the trio of soldiers now kneeling on the ground. Charlie jogged down the steps and sprinted forward to take her reins, leading her away with some difficulty so she wouldn’t accidentally step on someone.

It took a few more moments for James to realize something definitely wasn’t right. Bill and 

Neville had Teddy lying awkwardly between them; they seemed frantic. Why wasn’t Teddy moving? Why wasn’t he running up to James? It had been days and he wasn’t immediately making a beeline for James? Why did he need help getting off Cress? 

James nearly tripped down the steps in his haste, running up to where the three soldiers were crouched on the ground. When James was close enough, he saw it. The crossbow bolt sticking out of Teddy’s back. His face was so pale it looked gray, his head was tilted back, barely held up by Bill’s arm, and his eyes were shut, his brow was furrowed. His entire face was drawn in agony.

“What happened?” James asked in a panicked voice, dropping to his knees beside Teddy and reaching out to him. “Oh my god. Teddy, can you hear me?” Teddy peeled his eyes open, staring wearily at the prince. James couldn’t tell if the man even recognized him. “How long has he been like this?!”

“Almost two days,” Bill answered in a strained voice. “We rode as fast as we could. He wouldn’t let us stop, wouldn’t let me patch him up. He kept saying we had to get home.”

“The bolt is too deep to have gotten out on our own anyway,” Neville stated. “He needs a doctor. Prop him up, keep his shoulder level.”

“Teddy.” James cupped his hands against Teddy’s face; his cheeks were clammy and his skin was burning from fever. “Please look at me. You’re home now.”

“I’ll get his legs,” Charlie offered, running back over after securing Cress. “Bill, you and Neville keep him elevated at the shoulders.”

“I’m coming too,” James decided.

“James —”

“Don’t try to tell me I can’t!” James snapped at Bill before he could argue. “I need to be there for him! He needs me!”

Bill just nodded, giving a reluctant sigh as he and Neville struggled for a good grip on Teddy. “Alright. I know. I know.”

James scrambled to his feet as they lifted Teddy off the ground. His eyes had rolled closed, and his head lolled in a way that had James choking back tears. He looked horrible. James glued himself to Bill’s side as the three men hastily carried Teddy towards the side door that led into the infirmary.

He only looked back once. Cormac was standing with Dennis Creevey. Victoire and Delphini were both still standing at the front steps. Victoire had a hand covering her mouth, clearly distressed. James couldn’t tell what Delphini was feeling, but her eyes were locked on James as he made his way towards the infirmary. Their eyes met, and James felt something cold go through him that forced him to jerk his head to face the front. He picked up his pace, jogging after Bill.

Poppy was frantic when they brought Teddy in, immediately shouting orders. James was the one who ran forward when she called, helping her clear off a table so Neville, Bill, and Charlie could lift Teddy onto it. Poppy made him stand back a bit as they started to peel away pieces of Teddy’s armor. Watching it happen, knowing he couldn’t help, made James feel infuriated. He wanted to tell them to stop, it felt almost too intimate for other people to see Teddy out of his armor, but he kept his mouth firmly shut.

After some struggling, they managed to get the top half of Teddy;s armor off, leaving him in the loose white shirt he wore beneath it. Not that it was still white. The back of it was almost completely stained scarlet. James lifted both hands to cover his mouth, biting back a noise. They got Teddy onto his stomach and Bill started removing the rest of the armor from his arms and legs. Poppy took a pair of scissors to the ruined back of the shirt, shearing it away and handing it to Neville, who took it away to burn in the fireplace. Charlie was scrambling around the room searching for the supplies that Poppy was listing out.

James could barely hear more than white noise in his ears. For a moment he didn’t move, staring at the bolt in Teddy’s shoulder. It was stuck perfectly, just missing his shoulder blade. His skin was stained in blotches of red left over from his shirt, the area around where the weapon had punctured looked dark, almost black. James couldn’t even imagine how much it hurt.

Teddy was lying with his head turned to the right while Poppy stood on the left side of the table, hovering above the wound. After a moment James snapped out of his trance, finding the nearest stool and dragging it over to the table to sit on Teddy’s right. He scooted up as close as he could and leaned over the edge of the table, reaching out to Teddy’s face. Sweat glued his bangs to his face, and James carefully brushed at it, tucking the hair behind Teddy’s ear before stroking the backs of his fingers down his cheek.

“I need to cut around the bolt to get it out without tearing anything,” Poppy was explaining as Charlie handed her a few things. “Oh, Jamie, honey, you shouldn’t be here for this.”

“Try and make me leave,” James dared, not removing his gaze from Teddy’s face. “I won’t look. I can’t… I can’t look. But I’m not leaving him alone. He needs me.”

Poppy seemed hesitant, but didn’t argue. “Bill, Neville, keep him from moving his legs. He’ll want to fight.”

“I’ll help you here,” Charlie offered, handing Poppy a wet rage so she could mop up some of the blood.

“Fine,” Poppy agreed, but James stopped listening to them after that.

He didn’t think he wanted to hear what they were saying as Neville and Bill each took a place at Teddy’s feet to keep his legs from moving.

James kept his complete focus on Teddy’s face. His heart raced in panic when Teddy winced and grunted, lifting his right hand as if he wanted to push Poppy away. James quickly reached out to take his hand, squeezing it with his left hand. He ran his right hand through Teddy’s hair, sweat heavy and grimy. James tried to hush him, leaning closer to press their foreheads together and whispering to Teddy as Poppy worked to get the bolt out.

“You’re okay, Teddy. You’re home, you’re safe. I know it hurts, but you’re gonna be okay.”

Teddy was panting and gritting his teeth, groaning. He clung to James’ fingers so tight it hurt, his entire body shaking. James felt his heart crack as tears slipped out from Teddy’s tightly shut eyes, dripping across the bridge of his nose and staining the wood beneath his face. He gently wiped the tears away and ducked his head to kiss Teddy’s cheek.

James carefully pulled the glove from Teddy’s hand, and his heart seemed to break even more when he saw the ring sitting on his finger. His eyes stung as he held the guard’s hand in his own, kissing the backs of his knuckles and fitting their fingers together. He set his forehead back against Teddy’s, holding his hand to his chest.

“Squeeze my hand if it hurts too much. I’m right here. You’re gonna be okay.”

For a few minutes Teddy actually seemed alright, aside from his heavy breathing and the tears. He started to resist when Poppy took hold of the bolt and started to pry it from his shoulder. He yelped in pain and tried to sit up, so Neville and Bill had to pin his legs down while Charlie pushed down on his shoulders. Teddy gave a sudden cry of pain as Poppy yanked the bolt out, his eyes snapping open. They were filled with fear and panic, so James quickly tried to calm him down before he could do something to hurt himself, like sit up or jump off the table.

“It’s okay, it’s okay!” James wrapped his right arm around Teddy’s head, squeezing his hand tighter and hovering over his face, pressing his lips against Teddy’s cheek. “It’s okay, it’s out, you’re gonna be okay.”

“James?” Teddy’s voice was weak and trembling. “James.”

“It’s me, honey, I’m right here,” James soothed, brushing Teddy’s hair with his fingers. “Hold onto me. It’s gonna be fine.”

“I just have to sew him up,” Poppy announced. “I’ll go as fast as I can. I have to do it without any anesthesia, I’m sorry. We just don’t have any.”

“Can you give him anything?” James asked, tears in his own eyes, and Poppy sighed.

“I can give him something for the pain when I’m done, but it won’t help right now. Just keep talking to him, your majesty.”

James nodded, raking Teddy’s hair back and watching his face closely. He still looked frightened and confused, pinching his eyes shut and grunting when Poppy started to stitch him up. James lowered himself and laid his head beside Teddy’s, whispering to him.

“I’m here, honey. I’m right here. It’ll stop hurting soon, I promise.” He pet Teddy’s hair, searching for things to say to soothe him. “You did so good, Teddy. You did so good. You got home. You did such a good job.” He kept repeating the same thing.

Teddy was shaking horribly, groaning and occasionally trying to wriggle away so Neville, Charlie and Bill would have to pin him down again. James continued to whisper to him, pressing their foreheads together. He didn’t know what else he could do to calm him down, until he remembered a tune that Teddy used to hum a lot. He said it was a lullaby, but he didn’t remember the words. He used to hum it to James when he was having a bad day, or when he was very small and having a tantrum.

James started to stroke his fingers through Teddy’s hair, across his scalp, humming that same melody to him. He was somewhat surprised when Teddy’s face started to relax. His heavy breathing evened out and his grip on James’ hand loosened. After a moment James lifted his head, rubbing at his face and sniffing.

“I think he fell asleep.”

“That’s wonderful,” Poppy sighed. She was covering the stitched wound with a clean bandage, waving for Charlie to help. “I need to wash my hands. Bill, Neville, lift him up. Charlie, get some clean bandages to secure this in place.”

Charlie took over and James sighed, dropping his head on the table next to Teddy’s. His heart was still going a mile a minute, but he was starting to calm down. He was exhausted. He wanted to cry.

“He can rest in my room,” James decided when he lifted his head.

Poppy walked up to him with a tired expression, drying her hands on her skirt. “I’m sure he’d appreciate that, but for now I’d like to keep him here. I want to keep an eye on him the first few hours to make sure there’s no infection.”

James squeezed Teddy’s hand, standing and watching uneasily as the three men propped Teddy up so they could wrap bandages around him. “Will he be okay?”

Poppy looked uncertain, staring at James before looking at Teddy. “The arrow didn’t hit anything too vital, and he didn’t lose as much blood as it looked like. Still, it was a deep wound, and he’ll need excessive, uninterrupted rest. It may take him a while to strengthen his arm once he’s healed.”

“But he’ll be okay?” James asked again, and Poppy smiled at him.

“With you by his side? He’ll be completely fine.”

“We should move him to a bed,” Charlie said once he had the bandages secure.

By the time Teddy was settled into a cot, James could hear the pattering of rain hitting the window, the rush of it hitting the ground in the courtyard. He didn’t know how long he’d been in the infirmary, how long it had been since Teddy rode in hanging to consciousness by a thread. He was sleeping now, his left arm in a sling to keep him from straining his shoulder, propped up by pillows and covered in blankets.

He wasn’t wearing a shirt — it would have obstructed Poppy’s ability to treat his wound — but thick bandages were wrapped around his shoulder and chest, secured just above his stomach. James almost wanted to say the bandaging was a bit excessive, considering the wound was only at his shoulder, but he couldn’t really say he  _ wasn’t  _ pleased. James felt prickly and protective of Teddy’s body. As much as he complained and teased Teddy about always wearing armor, now that he was half naked, James very much missed the protective plating that kept other people from staring at Teddy.

James glued himself to the bed, sitting on the edge of it and busying himself by pulling the blankets higher, covering the rest of Teddy that wasn’t hidden by clothes or bandages. He wanted to wrap something around Teddy’s shoulders to hide his bare arms, but didn’t want to accidentally hurt his shoulder.

Charlie was starting a fire in the wood stove tucked into the corner, but Neville and Bill seemed about ready to leave. Now that Teddy was patched up and resting, the two soldiers needed to tell Harry and Kingsley what had happened. James wasn’t bothered by that. He wanted to be alone with Teddy anyway. Maybe it was a protective, possessive streak that made him want the soldiers gone, but why was that a problem? Teddy was badly injured and needed to rest. James just wanted to ensure that happened.

“I have a very uneasy feeling about what Cormac may be telling Harry,” Bill was murmuring.

“What even happened?” James asked, lifting his head to see Bill’s face.

The man exchanged a notably anxious look with Neville, and they seemed to silently debate whether or not to answer James. They were quiet for so long that James was ready to snap at them. It was Neville who started to speak finally, turning his eyes to James with a tired shadow to his face.

“We managed to find the Deatheater’s hideout,” he started, and James’ eyes snapped wider in shock. “The man who attacked you was there, bedridden. I thought he might be, thanks to Lily’s precision with a bow. His companions, whoever they were, had to remove his hand.”

James cringed, but he didn’t feel entirely sorry for his attacker’s suffering. Even after a week he could still feel the hands wrapped around his throat. At least he wouldn’t be able to do that to anyone else with just one hand.

Neville had paused, and seemed to be hesitating before he continued awkwardly. “It… it happened very fast, James.”

James furrowed his brow, looking between the men. Charlie had turned his head from looking into the wood stove in order to focus on the conversation, though he remained crouched down. He looked as uneasy as James felt.

_ “What _ happened?” James demanded.

“The mission itself was… it didn’t go as smoothly as we’d hoped,” Bill said without directly answering the question. “Almost immediately after leaving, Teddy began… something happened to him while we were traveling. Dreams, or nightmares. I think he started to remember.”

James felt a jolt of shock and fear go through him, turning his head to look at Teddy’s face. “He remembered? You mean his past? His childhood and who he is?” He reached out to Teddy, tracing the scar across his eyebrow.

“I don’t think he remembered  _ everything.” _ Neville admitted. “He wouldn’t talk to us exactly, wouldn’t tell us what was going on. He woke up screaming, I imagine after a bad nightmare, and after that he started getting quieter and more withdrawn as the days went by. He was always scribbling in his journal, or staring at the map. He wouldn’t talk to any of us, and when we found the hideout, the man who attacked you…”

He trailed off without finishing his thought, meeting Bill’s eye again. James was growing more frustrated with every pause in their story. If they could just get it over with and explain what had happened to Teddy, that would be fucking great.

“There wasn’t much time to ask him what was going on,” Bill admitted, “but I’d never seen Teddy act like that.”

“Act like  _ what?” _ James demanded, clinging to Teddy’s hand.

Bill pressed his lips into a tight line. “He put a knife to the Deatheater’s throat and interrogated him at the threat of the man’s life,” he explained, and James gaped at him. “I don’t know if Teddy would have… but that’s not the point.”

“He wouldn’t have,” Neville said in finality. “He definitely wouldn’t have.”

“He was asking questions that implied the Deatheater knew who he was,” Bill said, rubbing his neck. “He had this necklace, he must have found it in the house. He was asking the man what it was and accusing him of stealing it.”

“A necklace,” James repeated for clarification, and Bill nodded before Neville added.

“Teddy… through what he managed to get out of the man, and this is just a vague theory — the Deatheaters kidnapped him. That’s how he ended up in Engryff. He was stolen from his home, for some reason. They were bringing him to the hideout, but he got away.”

“We don’t know if it’s really what happened,” Bill quickly added when he saw the horror stricken look on James’ face. “It’s just what we’re theorizing after listening to what the Deatheater confessed. He clearly knew Teddy. Teddy, though he admitted remembering some things, still doesn’t know  _ who  _ he is. That Deatheater knew, and Teddy must have realized it when he found that necklace. That’s why he put a knife to the man’s throat to interrogate him…”

“His partners came back to the cottage before the man could reveal anything else. Bill grabbed Teddy and we ran for it. Unfortunately…”

“He saved my life,” Bill quickly picked up for Neville. “Teddy jumped in front of me and took a hit that was meant for me. That’s what happened.”

There was a moment of silence in the room, as if the two soldiers were letting the explanation sink in.

Bill turned, nodding to Neville. “We need to find Kingsley and Harry before Cormac can give them an exaggerated retelling of the mission. We’ll be back later to check in on Teddy.”

“Keep an eye on him, your majesty,” Neville chided.

James didn’t remove his gaze from Teddy’s face. “I will.”   


“I should go too,” Charlie said, standing up from the wood stove and wiping his hands on his shirt. “I need to take care of the horses.” He cast a worried look to James. “You’ll be okay?” James nodded his head sharply, so Charlie turned to the door that led outside. “Alright. I’ll check in later with Bill. Try not to worry too much, Jamie. Teddy is tough, he’ll be alright.”

James couldn’t look away from Teddy as he let the quick explanation he’d been given file through his mind. His eyes were burning from exhaustion and relief, as well as the fear and devastation at seeing Teddy bleed and learning that he was suffering so much. This was precisely what James had wanted to avoid. For Teddy to start remembering and be placed in such mental anguish because of it.

Kidnapped. It would make sense considering his condition when Kingsley had found him, but James didn’t even want to entertain the possibility. Someone kidnapped Teddy. Someone stole him from his home. Someone hurt him  _ so  _ badly that his mind completely locked the memories away to protect him; and now he was remembering. Something had triggered the memories to slowly resurface. Bit by bit they’d been coming back, and they hit Teddy full force at the worst time.

When James wasn’t there to help him through it.

All he wanted to do was protect Teddy the way Teddy had been protecting him for the past twenty years, but maybe it was foolish to think he could. James couldn’t protect Teddy from his mind. He couldn’t tell Teddy to stop remembering. For one thing, he had no right. They were Teddy’s memories, and they had nothing to do with James. Maybe he needed to remember. As painful as they might be… maybe it was necessary. Maybe this was just something they had to get through together.

James squeezed Teddy’s hand tightly. “It’s okay,” he whispered, despite the fact Teddy appeared to be sleeping. “I’ll still be right here. Whatever happens and whatever you remember.” He reached his hand out to hold the side of Teddy’s face, leaning closer to kiss him gently on the mouth. “We won’t be separated like that again. I’ll take care of you from now on.”

His eyes widened in surprise when Teddy groaned, his brow furrowing in a sign he was waking up. James felt flustered, thinking he’d accidentally woken the man up by talking too much, and leaned away a few inches. He covered his mouth with his free hand to keep from making more noise, watching as Teddy’s eyes fluttered.

He only seemed half awake, but James smiled, reaching out to hold Teddy’s neck and moving closer. Teddy rolled his head towards James as if responding to the gentle touch. His tired eyes found James’ face, filling with recognition and calm.

“Hey, love,” James whispered the greeting, leaning closer to place a kiss on Teddy’s cheek, stroking across the same spot with his thumb when he pulled back. “How are you feeling?”

Teddy seemed to consider the question — or maybe it just took a moment to assess what James had asked. “Tired…,” he whispered, and James nodded, pushing a stray strand of hair behind Teddy’s ear.

“That’s not surprising. You’ve been through quite a lot today. You look much better than you did before, if it’s any consolation.”

Poppy came up from the other side of the room when she heard their voices, looking relieved. “Oh he’s awake! Poor dear. I have medicine for him to take.”

James took the cup of warm medicine that Poppy offered him, slipping his hand to the back of Teddy’s neck. It took both of them coaxing Teddy to get the soldier to open his mouth and drink the medicine. He couldn’t move well, so James had to pour the medicine into Teddy’s mouth bit by bit, continuously reassuring him that it was okay, he was okay.

“I know it tastes bad, I’m sorry.”

Teddy settled back when he’d finished the medicine. James handed the empty cup to Poppy, who smiled and walked away, giving them space. James turned back to Teddy, realizing suddenly he was still wearing his right glove. He reached out to remove it, but after one tug at the fabric, Teddy clenched his hand into a tighter fist and tried to sit straighter, looking frightened.

“Teddy, it’s okay, it’s okay,” James put a hand on Teddy’s chest to ease him back against the pillows. “It’s just me. It’s me.” Teddy was breathing heavily, pinching his eyes shut. James rubbed a hand across his chest, hushing him. “You’re safe. I won’t hurt you. I just want to take your glove off so you’re more comfortable.”

Teddy groaned, peeling his eyes open. They looked watery, he looked pained and confused, but the longer James talked to him, the more he seemed to relax. It did take a moment, and Teddy was still breathing heavily as the tears in his eyes built. He opened his fist, his hand shaking. James stared at Teddy’s palm, where a pendant was sitting. James hadn’t even noticed Teddy had been holding anything. He hesitated when he reached out, taking the necklace before removing the glove and setting it aside. He held the necklace in his left hand, reaching his right hand down to hold Teddy’s.

It was a beautiful, heavy pendant hanging on an irreparably broken chain. The pendant itself was unexpectedly large, fitting precisely in the palm of James’ hand. It was made of silver and gold, with a figure of a wolf embossed on the front. There were yellow, black, and pearly colored gems inlaid around the wolf, and there was some wear to it that made it appear rather old. It was stunning, and shone in the dim light of the room.

Judging by the crease around the edge of the pendant, and the little hinge on the left side, James assumed it was a locket. That would explain why it was so large and weighted. Bill had mentioned Teddy found a necklace at the Deatheater’s hideout. Was this it? The necklace that made Teddy snap and put a knife to an incapacitated man’s throat?

James turned the pendant around in his hand a few times, hesitating. He didn’t want to ask, didn’t want to push Teddy, but he needed to know, didn’t he?

“Teddy.” James reached out to hold Teddy’s face, using a thumb to swipe away a stray tear that had escaped from the man’s eye. “Do you know what this necklace is?”

Teddy’s gaze was unfocused and exhausted, but he was somehow keeping eye contact with James. He slowly looked down at the pendant in James’ hand, staring at it a moment before answering.

“It’s mine.”

James wasn’t entirely shocked at the response, but it still made his heart race. He swallowed down his anxiety before nodding, brushing aside loose strands of Teddy’s hair. “It’s really pretty,” he said, and was almost scared to ask the next question. “Where did you get it?”

Teddy seemed to be having trouble staying awake, likely from the medicine he’d taken. James understood he needed to rest, he wanted Teddy to rest, but he needed to know.

“She gave it to me,” Teddy said softly, unable to raise his voice louder.

James furrowed his brow. “Who’s  _ she?” _

Teddy’s eyes fluttered, another lone tear fell down his cheek, catching on James’ thumb. “My mum.”

James gaped at Teddy before looking back down at the necklace again. He felt over the wolf on the front, then tested the sides, quickly finding a small indent on the right, across from where the hinge was located. James pushed in until he heard a click. His heart raced faster as he opened the locket.

On the left side of the locket, behind the wolf, was a small mechanism that started to play as soon as James had it open. It was a little music box, and the melody that played was familiar.

Teddy’s lullaby.

Tucked neatly into the other side of the locket was a picture. James recognized Teddy immediately. He was young in the picture, but the unique coloring of his eyes was unmistakable, and James had seen that smile a million times. What really shocked him was the couple that Teddy was standing with in the picture, because James recognized them too.

He continued to stare down at the open locket, shaking his head in disbelief. When he looked up, he realized Teddy had fallen back asleep and was snoring softly. Unbothered and none the wiser. He had absolutely no idea the gravity of what James had just discovered. James felt like he was in shock, he didn’t know what to think, but he needed to talk to someone. He couldn’t hide this. 

This was who Teddy was. Who he still was. His identity. Who he was before he came to Engryff.

Fuck.

_ Holy fuck. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update: TBD
> 
> I'm not apologizing for this chapter being late, because I've been going through a lot irl. I'm happy I was finally able to finish and post, cuz I haven't been able to write in a few weeks. It's been hard, and I appreciate how patient most of ya'll have been. I hope this chapter was worth the wait, please be patient and understanding while waiting for the next chapter. I hope you guys have been doing better than me.
> 
> \- Nico


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